Quote from: Battle Goddess on May 08, 2019, 02:11:45 PM
:rimshot:
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Anyway, one more new phenomenon. Went to see tdoc today. Her offices have gendered bathrooms out in the hallway with locks on their doors, and they're fine with my using the women's. Unfortunately, when I went to grab a key today, only the men's was available.
Okay, whatever. Keep in mind that I'd be deluding myself if I thought I pass. To be in a place where it's safe to use the ladies' room is a treat.
But when I got into the men's room, a real feeling of alienation crept over me. A sense of squick. It just felt icky, hinky, unnerving, not right. Deep down, it felt like I didn't belong there.
This, to me, is a sign of my deepening acceptance of who I am. I'm moving beyond having realized the truth of the matter and having decided to try to stop fighting it but still being shell-shocked by the whole thing. I think I'm getting to the point of, "Well, duh. Who did you think you were, and where did you think you belonged?"
It's as though I've sailed past a faint dotted line somewhere, a liminal boundary.
My internal representation of myself is changing, and changing fast.
Something tells me I'm going to have to run fast to keep up with it.