The way you were raised and how this contributes

[randim]

I never came out to my parents (both passed now), though I think my mother knew or at least suspected.  My mother saw that I was not living an especially happy life.  Near the end, she once said to me something like "get some clothes and enjoy yourself."  That both surprised and touched me.

[Linde]

" I can truly say that although I was upset at my parents viewpoint, it did not bother me outside of my family. I am frankly completely indifferent to previous and present neighbours and couldn't give a hoot what they may think.

Hugs to all

Pamela  xx

I really don't know what my parents would have thought about me being a woman now.  But I try to tell myself that they would have been happy about it, because they hoped that I would be born as a girl.  They allowed me to live my early childhood the way I felt I wanted to live it, and that was pretty none gendered at all!  Now I am finally the girl they hoped I would have been n the first place!

I don't care what others think about me, if they don't like it, they can look away, or better, take a hike!

[Tessa James]

Hey Shannon,
  The way we were raised or nurtured has considerable impact on our future lives as your post and others poignantly indicate.  Modern sociology and therapist now consider something called our ACE score or Adverse Childhood Experiences as contributing significantly to our lives and suggesting more pathology and a shorter life span for those with the worst scores. Fortunately, the more we love and affirm ourselves the quieter those old voices can become.

We know there is plenty of anecdotal information that being exposed to hateful ideas and abuse take some time and often work to heal from.  The source of such venom is often fear and ignorance compounded by a lack of compassion or empathy.  This is made even worse when our first bullies are within our family of origin.

We carry a ton of baggage along this journey through life.  How heavy the baggage becomes depends on how long we carry it privately and with no support.  Martyrdom and self sacrifice may be considered noble but crippling as well.  So good then to have someone help us put down these burdens and unpack these bags.  I was out as queer a long time but found my feelings of being female and a "failure as a man" too difficult.  Once we start to discard the nonsense of discrimination and bigotry and deal with our internalized crap the world may start to brighten up.  I never realized how hard i worked to act like a man and hide until i just stopped.  OMG what a relief!  Never felt better.

Working toward self acceptance is to open our hearts and minds to what we now know to be true about ourselves, real diversity and the wonderful possibilities for personally directed growth and change.

[Jeal]

Hey everyone!

So alot has happened over the last few days, I have told my partner everything including my plan to start hrt next week (picking up prescription). Obviously she was quite upset but also she is extremely supportive and sometimes excited at times which I think is due to her know the whole time why I have suffered depressions and anxiety most of our relationship, she truly is the strongest and kindest women I know and I am very aware how lucky I am to have someone who understands.

The problem I am having is droughts,  my droughts are mainly about how I was raised and how this has effect my journey and transition, just subtle things growing up that are making it quite hard to trueley start accepting who I am. Some examples such as loosing power, let's be honest men earn more money are physically stronger( which is good in defensive situations) and find it much easier than a transgender women to find work.
Loosing my brother and cousin as My best friends, I have been on some fun and crazy adventures with these two and I honestly think that will no longer happen if I fully accept this and transition.

It is amazing how being raised can truly make you blind to what is really in front of you. Like I grew up in a small town where calling a guy a girl or gay was directed as an insult if you didn't seem man enough for doing something stupid or not giving in to peer pressure.

I was raised in such a judgemental uneducated way that I can not just push these untrue thoughts and beliefs out of the way and just focus on what is true and real.

Sorry if I am not getting this across very well.

I would love to hear Everyone's thoughts on how you were raised, how this effected your transition and how you pushed past these hateful beliefs.

Thanks xo

Hi Shannon,

I am in a very similar situation to yours, will probably be starting HRT myself in the next few weeks (my wife needs some more time to adjust to this idea, but the prescriptions are all there). Here's a silly example of one of those doubts I've put to rest: I was putting away Christmas decorations in the garage and feeling very grumpy about it.  They all go up on a high shelf requiring a ladder and juggling heavy boxes by myself. Then I thought, "Wow, next year I won't have as much upper body strength so I won't get stuck doing this S**T by myself."  It was somewhat mind boggling, because the loss of upper body strength was a 'scary' thought just a few months ago, now it is nothing.  In fact, I was like, "Wow, I can just ask for help".  Mind blowing right.  I can ask for help and it isn't a shameful thing.

For me, that 'weakness' just feels more natural and welcome, and I only wish my wife agreed

It is really hard to let go of what we were, even if it was full of pain and sadness.  The great unknown is always scary, and doubts are there to test us and guide us, but with a  bit of luck and help we will both find our way through.

Love,

Jael

[Chloe]

. . . and I only wish my wife agreed

lol Oh well don't hold yer breath on that one! Small wonder TERF's don't approve, like us . . . "feminists can do as much as any man or better" so . . . if help required next year, plan on paying the kid next door!

Oh, and one OTHER thing Ms Jeal! An old school therapist -> "You wanna transition for a social advantage? Hmmm . . . application REJECTED"!

[Jeal]

lol Oh well don't hold yer breath on that one! Small wonder TERF's don't approve, like us . . . "feminists can do as much as any man or better" so . . . if help required next year, plan on paying the kid next door!

Oh, and one OTHER thing Ms Jeal! An old school therapist -> "You wanna transition for a social advantage? Hmmm . . . application REJECTED"!

Anyone who would transition MTF for social advantage hasn't been paying attention   Sometimes I actually feel really quite stupid from a Machiavellian perspective.

I don't know if anyone can relate, I just feel thick, ugly and sometimes useful so I am kept around. It makes all the little household chores that I sort of fell into because they were gross or physically rigorous extremely repellent.  They aren't even gendered 'jobs', but definitely gender roles that are fairly typical: take out the garbage, go into the cold garage to fetch stuff, mow the lawn.  Anything requiring power tools. Things anyone can do, but things I just did/learned because it was 'expected'.  If we stay together in any context I will probably keep doing most of them to keep the peace,  but I have to admit I am feeling rebellious ;P

[christinej78]

In my case it contributed negatively big time and long delayed me officially transitioning into who and what I wanted to be. I didn't really know I was transgender until last year, 2018; I had never heard the term. Once I decided to transition, I made up my mind to be open about it and to not care what others think about it or me.

It's working just fine.

Best Always, Love
Christine

[Chloe]

. . . the garbage . . . cold garage to fetch stuff, mow the lawn. . . power tools. I am feeling rebellious ;P

Trouble in paradise? It's not that can't do these things (better than you probably) "it's just rough on my nails"! Always inside housework, see how she reacts? Gee, this is the 21st century both have a real job?

Cheers

[Jeal]

Trouble in paradise? It's not that can't do these things (better than you probably) "it's just rough on my nails"! Always inside housework, see how she reacts? Gee, this is the 21st century both have a real job?

Cheers

Let's just say my having long nails and caring about how they look as much as she does about hers is shaking some serious foundations in her reality.

[Chloe]

. . . shaking some serious foundations in her reality

*sighs with sympathies* Jeal, reminds me of sad song lyrics:

"Come down off your throne and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason I've been waiting so long.
Somebody holds the key.

But I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home"