How to tell a guy you are transgender

[natalie.ashlyne]

Hi I was on a dating website and I meet this guy on there. In my profile I had transgender female so I was not hiding that. He also follows me on instagram and my profile on there says Transgender. We have had several video calls and I meet his family and friends on there and the call me his girlfriend or future wife. He has asked me a few times if I would have kids with him and I told him I can not have biological kids he keeps asking why I can't. I told him I would adopt kids. I don't think he realizes I am transgender or does not know what that means. He is really nice and calls me is queen he is religious too that does not bother me just makes me scared to see how he will react to it when I tell him or explain to him that I am transgender. Is there anyone with any suggestions I personally thought it is pretty obvious that I am transgender

[Lacy]

He must be so completely smitten by you that he has completely missed the whole transgender information on your profiles.

And you are obviously passing super well! Congratulations!

It is possible that he has no idea what being transgender means. I would expect someone to ask about or research things they may not be sure about in regards to a love interest.

Do you feel the same way about him as he does about you? If this relationship is serious and something you can see being a long term thing, you will have to make sure he knows everything that he needs to know.

Maybe start by finding a way to ask him if he has noticed the transgender status on your accounts. If not, then that may bring it to his attention in a less uncomfortable way. If he has seen it, then the next step would be to ask him if he knows what that is.

If he asks about why you can't have children, then telling him you don't have a uterus would also create an opening for deeper conversations.
Unfortunately, it seems that he has made it pretty awkward already. Like everyone else in your life, your can't predict how they will respond. I have had all different kinds of reactions from religious friends and family that I've told. So it isn't a definite that you receive a negative response.

Keep us updated on how things go!
Lacy

[Dena]

This is a thought and not a suggestion but have you asked if he has looked at your profile? We have another member who wrote in the profile that they should ask something once the discussion started. This was a way for her to verify that the profile was seen and that they were aware of her status.

[NatalieRene]

This is a thought and not a suggestion but have you asked if he has looked at your profile? We have another member who wrote in the profile that they should ask something once the discussion started. This was a way for her to verify that the profile was seen and that they were aware of her status.

That's a good idea.

In answer to your question Natalie I would do it via video chat. A public place being a distant second option. You have to think about your safety and his personal reaction might be dangerous.

[KimOct]

Sorry Natalie that you have this difficult situation.  This is a tough one.  Definitely wouldn't do it in private and alone.  You need to be safe.  It seems that for whatever reason - didn't read well or doesn't know what transgender means - whatever - he doesn't seem to know.  Just try to be gentle - explain what trans is slowly and clearly - you can't leave any doubt at this point but please be safe.

Also a good learning moment for all of us - make sure that people know very early on (In my opinion - I know some want to be stealth ) but it just seems to me that there are all kinds of potential problems if / when people find out later.

[Allison S]

I'm sorry [emoji45] I neve had this issue, but I think you need to explain to him the misunderstanding and prepare to try to move on... I know it won't be easy, but it's for the best you confront this issue right away before he brings in more people for you to meet...

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[Gertrude]

If he doesn't get it, why doesn't anyone in his family that's connected to you on SM? Sounds odd that so many would miss it for so long.


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[Maria77]

You may want to have this discussion pronto, because if he isn't interested in Tranzwomen then he will resent the time he has put into you.   Maybe he was trying to begin the discussion about "no kids."?

[natalie.ashlyne]

Hi thank you everyone that responded I appreciate all your input. I have asked him if he read my profiles and at the time he said yes now he told me he never reads profiles so ya but I did talk to him this morning and I thought everything was going to be fine as he said " I don't care I am not here to judge you or to play god you are who you are meant to be"  which was cool with me but I just talked with him now and ya 95 percent of the conversation became sexual which I am not cool with that and when I tried to say something else to get it on track he would bring it back to sex. I don't see a future with him at all now so I will be moving on

[Linde]

Hi thank you everyone that responded I appreciate all your input. I have asked him if he read my profiles and at the time he said yes now he told me he never reads profiles so ya but I did talk to him this morning and I thought everything was going to be fine as he said " I don't care I am not here to judge you or to play god you are who you are meant to be"  which was cool with me but I just talked with him now and ya 95 percent of the conversation became sexual which I am not cool with that and when I tried to say something else to get it on track he would bring it back to sex. I don't see a future with him at all now so I will be moving on

That is a good decission!  He probably was all hot to get himself a LadyBoy or something like that!

[NatalieRene]

That is a good decission!  He probably was all hot to get himself a LadyBoy or something like that!

I agree. He sounds like a admirer if all it is for him is sexual.

[Rachel_Christina]

Sounds like a cretin, probably was working the magic from day one!.

When you brought it up it just gave him free reign to go to town.

[tgirlamg]

Hi thank you everyone that responded I appreciate all your input. I have asked him if he read my profiles and at the time he said yes now he told me he never reads profiles so ya but I did talk to him this morning and I thought everything was going to be fine as he said " I don't care I am not here to judge you or to play god you are who you are meant to be"  which was cool with me but I just talked with him now and ya 95 percent of the conversation became sexual which I am not cool with that and when I tried to say something else to get it on track he would bring it back to sex. I don't see a future with him at all now so I will be moving on

Onward we go little sister!!! 🙋‍♀️💕🙏🌸

[KimOct]

Natalie I am sorry that it looks like you will have to move on but I am glad it seems as though you will be OK.

It was a good topic to bring up though - it's important for all of us to take this into consideration especially the more passable ones. It seems to me that this could be a very dangerous situation for those that have the ability to be stealth not that I would know.

I think I pass sometimes in public during a brief interaction but if someone spent anytime with me and still thought I was cis they would need very strong glasses and a hearing aid.   

[NatalieRene]

It can be scary to bring up the discussion and difficult in the best of circumstances.

I have found the best way to handle the discussion was during the Skype or phone call process before meeting them. A guy is less likely to flip out if he is presented with the information in private where he doesn't feel at risk but you are still safe because you are not physically anywhere near him. This way if he gets nasty you can cut the connection and never deal with him again.

Be aware though even passing as well as I do I never had anyone say anything degrading but I never heard from them again half the time and another 20% was just interested in sex. I don't blame them though part of what they where looking for was the ability to start a biological family and as painful as it is for me that is something I can never do. The ones that just wanted sex are natural too, that's the dating pool for all woman.

Eventually though hopefully you will meet someone accepting that makes you happy.

[Chloe]

OMG here's a thought: show up at the public, pre-arraigned "date" in DRAG, best "as guy mode" as possible? lol I mean if he can't READ perhaps he's got a vision problem a PICTURE might help?

lol ROFLAO sorry!!