I might be the wrong person to reply to this as I'm a fairly poor example of a confident TS/NB person.
Then again, I may prove a point with my very life experience.
I've transitioned twice. Both times I detransitioned. The first time was about a year or two after transitioning my first time. The second after I'd already purchased a house and got to know some of my neighbors and married a man in my female role.
I've never, ever been a confident person, not in myself, anyway. In the entire time I've lived in my current neighborhood, I've been afraid to walk out to my front yard and generally do so only to get into my car and leave. I hate being seen mowing my grass or shoveling/blowing my snow.
When my husband couldn't take my depression and anger issues anymore, as well as my complete lack of interest in physical sexual acts, he announced his intentions for us to divorce. By this time I'd already talked him back from that route several times and had considered other actions having to do with my own life. This time, I knew it was real and it was the end, so I accepted his decision. I had also made the decision that, due to my own agoraphobia related to my gender presentation and feelings of inadequacy, that I would transition back to my male role the moment he made his decision. I did.
Now the lesson part...I got a job (I've been disabled for almost 20 years due to psychological issues) and sought to make a "happy" life for myself. I found a measure of confidence. I was fairly certain that I would not be murdered or maimed (or worse for me, ridiculed) due to my presentation. My job ended up falling apart as my mental health began to degrade again. After a couple of years, I seriously started looking into living non-binary. I'd heard of it years earlier from an admin on another TS site I had been a member of and always questioned, upon hearing them, if that applied to me as well.
Over the last year or so, I've been presenting in masculine clothing, but I've been ma'amed quite a few times recently. Might be due to my complete lack of facial hair shadow, might be something else...not sure.
Unfortunately, I had to change doctors right around the time I detransitioned. My new doctor refused to prescribe HRT as I was no longer presenting female. I never did have any intentions of taking T and had hoped to continue E. Tomorrow is my first appointment with a doctor that will prescribe no matter my presentation.
However, as I'd mentioned, my mental health has been deteriorating more and more recently, and that deterioration appears to be accelerating. I've considered suicide recently for the first time in many years. I'm pretty sure it's because, although I'm comfortable in public in the role I'd taken part in for almost 30 years, I'm uncomfortable in my own body, and people have noticed. My parents actually had the very surprising reaction of being disappointed that I was transitioning back to male when I'd announced it to them. My dad, who'd had a difficult time adjusting to my female role and at one point even expressed that I was transitioning under his roof, had just as difficult a time with my detransitioning. He died last year and I've been talking with my mom when she's able. They saw who I was in my female role. They knew THAT was me and felt a gutwrenching pain when I told them I was no longer going to be the person they knew I was.
I'm finally seeing that they were right. I can feel "safer" in public in my male role, but I cannot feel "comfortable" with myself in that role. I'm currently casually searching for local NB-friendly therapists to see if that's an option for me, but more to explore myself further with a neutral observer.
