Finding friends/social life as trans?

[Swanson777]

One of the most painful aspects of the 30 years of my male life is excruciating loneliness. As a male I was almost kind of proud of it, the stoic and emotionless way of not needing anyone.
As a female I go completely on the flip side and realize how badly I need people and how much its damaged me mentally that I've been so utterly alone for most of my life.
Do transexual gurls hang out with other transexual gurls? Do I make a webcam and have a group of fans? How do I connect to other people if I go through with this lifestyle? If I remain male I will have no social life whatsoever. The inability to date women and shattered identity makes me want to isolate even more, but as female I am a lot more open and willing to communicate and be vulnerable. And I think I keep posting on here because I am looking for some way to make this normal and acceptable, and its gonna be a slow progression and I don't know if I'll make it, I may remain trapped in my unsatisfied, virgin male self forever, and the end would not be pretty.

[chenrezi]

Hi Swanson 
I can relate to what you said for sure    My transition has definitely made me more open, positive, and sociable! I attended a transgender support group in my local area recently and met some fantastic people.  It was very easy to relate and bond.  With time, these relationships will probably grow and introduce even more people into my social life.  I definitely recommend it!!!
Wishing you happiness,
chenrezi 

[Swanson777]

This is the most slippery slope.
This "transition" has taken on a life of its own and keeps pushing forward like something I cannot control.
I shaved my body and now my hair is growing back and I feel like shaving it again. Why the ->-bleeped-<- do I grow all this body hair? I've always thought my body hair was so gross.
I look in the mirror, and can't stop staring at my own body and how advantageously feminine it is. My hips are so rounded! I've never even had surgery. It blows my mind.
I don't know wtf is going on anymore, I've fully stepped out of reality into some fantasy and it's fairly overwhelming.
All I want at this point is a warm body of a female or trans female (I still think men are totally foul and disgusting) to cuddle with. It's all I want! I haven't had that feeling since I was 19 years old.

[Dena]

If you want company, you have to seek it out. Support groups, your local LBGT center and on the site you can start with PMs or chat then progress to Skype.

[krobinson103]

This is the most slippery slope.
This "transition" has taken on a life of its own and keeps pushing forward like something I cannot control.
I shaved my body and now my hair is growing back and I feel like shaving it again. Why the <not allowed> do I grow all this body hair? I've always thought my body hair was so gross.
I look in the mirror, and can't stop staring at my own body and how advantageously feminine it is. My hips are so rounded! I've never even had surgery. It blows my mind.
I don't know wtf is going on anymore, I've fully stepped out of reality into some fantasy and it's fairly overwhelming.
All I want at this point is a warm body of a female or trans female (I still think men are totally foul and disgusting) to cuddle with. It's all I want! I haven't had that feeling since I was 19 years old.

Transition is like an out of control freight train. Once you start the momentum just keeps picking up till you realize you reached the station at the other end and didn't notice arriving. I sometimes look in the mirror and question if that's really me at all. That ímpossible' fantasy came true! I have to say that I agree... my girl friend is a far better match for me than any man could ever be!

[Mathea]

I can relate to this. While I have retained some childhood friends, I have been very reclusive and asocial in my adult years. This all changed after I came to terms with my transgender identity and started (on the few occasions that I can) to present female. Suddenly, I felt a strong need to be out there and live with other people. I felt much more extroverted than I ever felt, and I felt the need to establish new bonds, especially to have female friends.

I reached out to some female colleagues, and one of them I now consider a close friend. It was having the courage to let out my female side that enabled me to do this. Being open about one's deepest emotions and vulnerabilities is a good basis for forming friendships.

[KathyLauren]

One word: activities.

You don't want to meet "random" people.  You want to meet people with whom you have a connection.  What better way than to engage in some enjoyable activity that is done with several people?  There are clubs for hiking, clubs for knitting, clubs for cycling, clubs for helping the needy, all kinds of activities that you can engage in as part of a group.  Even if you don't hit it off with someone special, the people you will be hanging out with are people you already have something in common with. 

I did this as a conscious strategy aimed at finding a partner, by joining a hiking club.  The worst case would have been that I would spend my weekends doing something I loved to do.  As it turned out, I met my wife on top of a mountain, and we have been married for 15 years.  Because we both had a connection to the same activity, we shared similar values, and she has stuck by me through my transition.

[barbie]

I always have been a socializing person regardless of my gender identity. No so much change in my friends after my transition without HRT, but I now have more female friends, who approach me more easily and treat me as their companion. We like to chat about beauty, cosmetic, fashion and children.

barbie~~

[Ann W]

As a female I go completely on the flip side and realize how badly I need people...

I, too, can relate to this. When I didn't know who I was, I had very low self-esteem and wasn't highly-motivated to be social. After coming out, I've blossomed as a person and desperately want to be out and about with others, but can't seem to find the venue. The local trans support group only meets during my working hours.

KathyLauren's suggestion sounds promising. You can sometimes find local groups sharing an interest on Meetup.com.

[AoifeB]

Coming to grips with everything has helped a lot with the social anxiety I struggle with. My girlfriend contrasted the reaction years ago when I had a panic attack in a crowded student union building, with last 4th of July, where I walked around a crowded park with no signs of distress.

[judithlynn]

My advice about finding new friends is join a few lesbian or women only social groups. In Australia Meet-up groups are very popular and here the Lesbian & Bi-sexual women groups are much more inclusive for transitioning and post op women. You could always try joining up with one of the Lesbian dating sites such as PinkSofa.com
Judith

[Linde]

My advice about finding new friends is join a few lesbian or women only social groups. In Australia Meet-up groups are very popular and here the Lesbian & Bi-sexual women groups are much more inclusive for transitioning and post op women. You could always try joining up with one of the Lesbian dating sites such as PinkSofa.com
Judith

i think it depends where you are.  The local LGBTOI group of meetup is actually an exclusive LG group only, and they hardly talked to me because I was trans, and intruding into their exclusive homosexual circle.

[CarlyMcx]

I thought for a few minutes before responding to your post.  Then I discarded most of what I was going to say and decided to say only one thing:

Don't be afraid to be nice to other people.  As a male, I wasn't always good at that, due to the anxieties and insecurities.  Transition has been incredibly liberating for me.  Now I can cry if something bad happens without worrying about what other people think of me.  And that means I can take risks on being nice to people instead of having to be guarded in my interactions.

I knew a lot of people before transition, but I didn't have a lot of close friends.  Transitioning brought a lot of cisgender people I knew much closer to me just because I became more open, friendly, and more approachable.

[DawnOday]

Here is a start. You may want to check this out. The Facebook page has listings of support groups and resources in the Memphis area. https://www.facebook.com/Tennessee-Transgender-Support-107524875933089/

I can attest to the importance of  support groups. All my life I thought I was alone. Since attending support meetings I realize I am not alone and building relationships after a life of avoiding them is so affirming.

[Northern Star Girl]

Very many good suggestions posted by many of the members.   
I don't have anything significant to add ... other than the following 2 sentences. 

As I have stated on my Forums Profile, my mantra is:
      "If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself."

... and a very good Forums friend of mine @Jessica  has this posted on her profile:
      "If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle