so I am sure this has been asked numerous times. and i searched and browsed old posts. most being fairly old. and I decided I wasn't going to feel any better on the situation unless i asked specifically referring to myself.
I'm a few days shy of 5 months HRT now. I've been trying to be patient and seeing/feeling changes to my body. but every month that passes it gets harder and harder to accept that I really haven't felt anything or noticed anything.
so a bit of history on me. 7 ish or so years ago I began to transition using HRT. the ticker on my sig is from that time. I made it to 3-4 months in and panicked that I felt and noticed no changes. my panic came from semi obsessing over others transitions, the good results and the not so lucky. regardless of the details this constant obsession mixed with my feeling of no results led me to quit flat out and try to put it behind me. settling on the fact that It wasnt going to do enough for me to be happy.
so then about 7 months ago that all didn't work and I found myself making another endo appointment. this time with a strong resolve to take it slow. to wait it out and be patient and to try and stay hopeful. this meant more or less staying away from too many forums and others result. bascially not making transition such a forefront thing. and sort of letting it go naturally until i (hopefully) start to male fail.
anyway, thats just to explain my mindset. so heres the details. I know I cant mention dosages here so ill be vague. when i quit HRT the first time i had started at a low dose of a common AA (am I allowed to state which one?) and Estrogen. 3 months in the dosage was mor eor less doubled. i lasted a month on that dosage before stopping.
4 months into HRT this time I started on that double dosage I quit on. I went to the same endo so she had all my history and remembered me.
this time in the first 4 months I actually noticed some very slight changes. but they were very very sparse. for example, there was one day where the entire day my chest felt sore. and it was the first time i felt breast development. but the next day it was gone completely., i think it happened two more times. weeks or months apart the same way. but that was it. after those times i noted some very small development in that area. but havent seen any progress past that in the last month or two.
4 months in i revisited my endo. got my levels checked and my dosage was changed. only my AA was raised, it was doubled from what it was. and now my dosages are sitting at why i can surmise to be the highest levels generally prescribed. my T levels were 3 times as high as the goal. the estrogen was within the levels she wanted. but the range for the levels was quit large and my levels were close to the lower end. if that matters idk.
either way i had really high hopes that this dosage change would amplify my progress, but honestly i fear its done the opposite. now I am fully aware that I am actually a pretty neurotic person, so i could just be blowing things up, its just getting increasingly hard to fight myself to be patient and not panic. at 5 months I feel like I should really have been noticing more. I havent felt anything in my chest for over 2 months. i feel like my body hair is growing in faster that it was a few months ago. I'm even questioning if my sex drive is coming back hard. everything that had happened aside from those few times i felt chest soreness I feel could have easily been in my head.
Im trying hard not to have a repeat of my first attempt here. I just cant shake the feeling that things arent working as they are supposed to. I'm going to a well known and recommended endo for trans HRT therapy. I feel she would know best, but I wonder if its possible for my body to just not take to HRT. or maybe just not the form Im prescribed.
I don't know what specific question I'm asking. I'm basically just looking for advice, I've been out of the Trans information loop of my own choosing so Idk if the information im holding myself to is even still relevant. is it still regarded that after 1 year of HRT those are the changes you can expect? is there any new information on HRT methods? is it possible there are better alternatives? am I panicking for nothing? how do I even begin to approach this?
I havent taken many pictures this time around. my avatar is pre HRT but less than a year old. I mostly still just present as male, or I don't try to have any obvious female markers and let sort of present androgynous, but I'll attach some here. maybe someone can tell me if they notice changes that I don't see.
today (wearing a corset underneath my shirt. I do not have any curves whatsoever unfortunately)
Begining of february. a week or so after upping my AA
right at 4 months. day or two after upping AA
christmas time. right around 3 months in
a few days before HRT. trying to present female for a baseline. dont think I took any pictures of myself in between these times. also wearing a corset, hip pads and wig. wish I had a better neutral picture.
sorry for the neurotic post...I'm sure its hard to follow and hard to make out my point. but any comments or experiences are appreciated.
