Yo-Yo effect

[Anne T]

Well we are now two months into Susan's transitioning. It appears to be going well for us. The only real difficulty is the presentation of my spouse changing between male and female.  I find I'm am cranky when he presents. At those times I'm reminded of all the angry words that have been spoken in 22 yrs. The past eggshells in our marriage rear up. I'm not saying that those things are totally fixed because of the transitioning but they certainly are soften when Susan presents. She's much more agreeable and fun to be around. It reminds me of the early years in our marriage.

We've had some drama this past month. Who knew that hair removal could be such a problem?! Not me! Shaving was not working because stubble would grow back very fast. So I had this bright  idea.....ok not so bright....of using Nair on the legs, back, chest, belly and butt. Basically a nair bath! It worked great for everything except the butt! It could be because I put it on then had my spouse sit on a plastic stool while I did the other areas. Maybe the chemical and plastic created a toxicity to the skin...it was red burns all over, which have now healed but man was that awful

Going shopping with my husband for Susan's wardrobe has been getting easier. It was stressful before. The only reason it's easier now is because I honestly don't care what people think in the stores. At first we tried talking in code out in public...that's a lot harder than I thought possible! We finally gave up doing that! Funny thing happened yesterday while we were shopping for her blouse. I forgot that there was a lady standing near us at the racks. My husband held a blouse for me to look at and I said without thinking.."oh honey that color won't look good on you". The lady looked up at both of us and then smiled. Kinda funny. Nobody really cares. Strangers don't care. But if it's someone you know they are suddenly in your business!


Anne T

[HappyMoni]

Hey Anne, my advice is to give yourself time and room to transition as well. It's okay that things don't fit right into place for you right away. You have a lot of emotions to deal with just as your partner does.

When I first started shopping with my partner, my partner would just say, "Do you think Monica would like this?" Who knew  that Monica was me? No one. Now we have fun shopping together except she shops a lot slower than I do. I know what I like much quicker than she knows what she likes. You are right, people don't care.

[Anne T]

Hi Moni,
🙂 I did try the exact same thing! In asking "Do you think Susan would fit into this? Or some such question. Where it wouldn't be obvious that I was speaking about her. My problem is I forget..I really need to get better at it for her protection and comfort. I will keep working at it. Thanks for the positive feedback.

Anne T

[HappyMoni]

I love that you are trying so hard for your partner. Hope your partner returns the favor for your feelings. If I can ever help, Anne, let me know. My partner and I are still together after my transition. It isn't perfect, but whose relationship is?
Warmly,
Moni

[Moonflower]

OMG! Thank you for warning me about Nair. Sounds like something that Beth and I would try! Your story makes me more motivated to try the new elos Me. Cheaper than laser and electrolysis. More convenient, too, since we live far from a salon. Might be effective enough. The newest model has a 90 day satisfaction guarantee. And a 10 year warranty, with an infinite number of -- flashes -- or whatever they're called.

I find I'm am cranky when he presents.

That's so funny! Me too! I try to appreciate how caring he was, and appreciate how well he sheltered Beth, but we are both so much happier when Beth is revealed. In fact, we took her profile photo off this website yesterday because it doesn't look like her anymore. She is much more comfortable in her skin now. She keeps getting more beautiful!

Anne, you are so inspiring! I love sharing your stories with Beth as you describe becoming bold in stores. We give you all of the credit for inspiring her to use the (unisex) dressing room to try on a dress for the first time. OK, it was early on a Saturday morning, no customers were around, and only one employee, who wasn't engaging. But she did it! Now it's a favorite dress, especially because of the landmark it represents.

For years, like you and HappyMoni, I've cryptically referred to the name that she was using at the time, for instance, I'd hold up a blouse and say, "Oh, I like this! I'd love to see it on Nina!" She'd respond with as much masculine disinterest as she could muster, and decide whether I would try it on to estimate her size. Then I'd buy 2 different sizes, and return what didn't fit.

Beth told me that she was trans nearly 20 years ago, but she only started feeling bold enough a few months ago to lead me to the items that she liked in stores so I could find the right sizes for her. Such a nice difference, now that she's on track for transitioning instead of hiding in her Man identity forever.

Anne, I love seeing your stories here. Thank you for accompanying me during this journey.

[Mariabella]

So much in here my wife and I mirror. She has deep issues over authoritative males and in honesty i had/have a very strong authoritarian aspect to my male mask that has always stood between us. This despite my own issues with not really liking most men ,including the one I built to survive. Now as I drive that persona away I see a brightening in our love and life. I crave this. She craves this. We are in deeplove still after thirty years and a raised family but the wounds of my maladapted manhood must be addressed. So as I have fully accepted my need to finish life as a femme I am doing all I can to be the women who heals the wounds of the man. Less dour, more joy,less negativity, more faith in the universe.
Our journey through this is more complex than gender. We both carry scars of abusive men and both shy away from all but the most kind males. It is my deepest wish that my eventual presentation as female will help her by my appearance not being a trigger. Please note both of us are dealing with resurging issues of childhood now that our kids are grown and we do not need to keep up the front. Her issues of male distrust, and my gender dysphoria are both at a high. As she responds positively to my changes as I cultivate  the divine feminine within me I hope to heal us both. All this said she is in a continuing education program for her business till next year and I will not be disrupting it with my own issues. Byt he time she is done and has the time for us to deal with things, I will be her woman in all but how I [present visually. And also by then I will look a proper older gal who may shock her at first but who will be anticlimactically a complete and attractive older gal.
Your words about how you are irritated with his man and like his woman rang like a church bell for me. My wife, my world, needs Mariabella as much as I do. I hope we can work out how it manifests.
I do wish I were more articulate and a better typist when my feels are this strong.
I wish you both so much love in your lives and I do hope you can find it together.
Besos
Mariabella 
I

[Anne T]

OMG! Thank you for warning me about Nair. Sounds like something that Beth and I would try! Your story makes me more motivated to try the new elos Me. Cheaper than laser and electrolysis. More convenient, too, since we live far from a salon. Might be effective enough. The newest model has a 90 day satisfaction guarantee. And a 10 year warranty, with an infinite number of -- flashes -- or whatever they're called.

I read the reviews on Amazon about the Elos Me. Very mixed reviews due to people have different hair color and skin tones. If you do try it let me know happens. I would be interested on the results.

That's so funny! Me too! I try to appreciate how caring he was, and appreciate how well he sheltered Beth, but we are both so much happier when Beth is revealed. In fact, we took her profile photo off this website yesterday because it doesn't look like her anymore. She is much more comfortable in her skin now. She keeps getting more beautiful!

We think alike. I do appreciate all the good qualities that he has had down thru the years. Like Beth, Susan is getting more beautiful every day as her confidence grows.

Anne, you are so inspiring! I love sharing your stories with Beth as you describe becoming bold in stores. We give you all of the credit for inspiring her to use the (unisex) dressing room to try on a dress for the first time. OK, it was early on a Saturday morning, no customers were around, and only one employee, who wasn't engaging. But she did it! Now it's a favorite dress, especially because of the landmark it represents.

For years, like you and HappyMoni, I've cryptically referred to the name that she was using at the time, for instance, I'd hold up a blouse and say, "Oh, I like this! I'd love to see it on Nina!" She'd respond with as much masculine disinterest as she could muster, and decide whether I would try it on to estimate her size. Then I'd buy 2 different sizes, and return what didn't fit.

I'm glad I'm not the only one trying to conspired with my spouse while shopping. That must be a lot of work to make trips back to the store to return items. We do what we gotta do to make it safer and easier.

Anne, I love seeing your stories here. Thank you for accompanying me during this journey.

Thank you! I'm so thankful that we have a place to share what's on our hearts.[/quote]

[Anne T]

So much in here my wife and I mirror. She has deep issues over authoritative males and in honesty i had/have a very strong authoritarian aspect to my male mask that has always stood between us. This despite my own issues with not really liking most men ,including the one I built to survive. Now as I drive that persona away I see a brightening in our love and life.

Wow, you have given me some food for thought! I've had some very bad male authority experiences also! Perhaps this is why this transition is easier than I thought it would be. Like you, my spouse built himself into an alpha male. Early in our marriage, he was much softer, which I had gravitated toward not knowing the softer side was due to having lived as a woman full time for 13 yrs. as he struggled to withhold himself from being female. He had built this authoritative male persona which I struggled with.  Now I see glimpses of the woman I saw early in our marriage, not knowing at the time, that it was my spouses real self. 

I crave this. She craves this. We are in deeplove still after thirty years and a raised family but the wounds of my maladapted manhood must be addressed.

I totally understand this statement! We are happy with the new dynamics that are showing up in our relationship. We really needed this honesty and communication between us.  We too have have raised a family in our 22 yrs together and are still very much in love. We've experienced our share of trials and storms but we've always weathered them together.  We have always worked good together as a team.  While this is not a storm that either of us would have chosen to undertake, we are doing it together with honesty, trust and communicating with love.

Your words about how you are irritated with his man and like his woman rang like a church bell for me. My wife, my world, needs Mariabella as much as I do. I hope we can work out how it manifests.

It's true for me....I do much better with Susan.  Our marriage while it was good seems to be thriving with Susan's presence.

I do wish I were more articulate and a better typist when my feels are this strong.

You did fine in explaining especially since it's so near and dear to your heart. May you both continue to heal from the past and look forward to a complete transformation in your marriage as well as your transition into the beautiful woman you have kept hidden