How/when did you know you were transgender

[Abigail_]

Hi I am new here, i was just wondering when everyone here knew when they were transgender and how they knew, like was it just an instinct?


Here's my situation. My name is Abby, and i really cant tell if I'm transgender or not. At times I feel like I'm a female and at other times I dont. I'm not interested in other men (which means nothing, just doesnt help my knowing) I like women. But do i just like women so much that i might want to be them?

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi I am new here, i was just wondering when everyone here knew when they were transgender and how they knew, like was it just an instinct?

Here's my situation. My name is Abby, and i really cant tell if I'm transgender or not. At times I feel like I'm a female and at other times I dont. I'm not interested in other men (which means nothing, just doesnt help my knowing) I like women. But do i just like women so much that i might want to be them?

@Abigail_
Dear Abby:
     I am so very glad that you have become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
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Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
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[Northern Star Girl]

@Abigail_
Oh, and another thing Abby...
Please plan to write a post and tell us more about yourself in the Introductions Forum so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let you have your thread back so you can pursue answers to your questions.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and suggestions that you may be seeking

[krobinson103]

A long story. For many years I knew I was different. When I a teenager I knew I was bi, but didn't really enjoy the company of women the way my friends seemed to. I thought ok... lets try being gay. I liked it, but only because it made me feel more feminine. I got married (long story) to a woman and we lived together for 14 years. Again I found her attractive but in bed I had to think of myself as her to have any hope of things working.

At the age of 43 I hit the brick wall. The pretense was all too much. So to summarize... probably from the age of 10 or so I felt that something wasn't right.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Abigail.  Welcome!

It took me decades to figure it out.  I think it was in my 30s that I started to wonder if I might be transgender.  I always managed to talk myself out of it, conveniently ignoring my compulsive cross-dressing and a multitude of other clues going back to age 7. 

It took seeing a trans person delivering a public lecture to break through my internal transphobia and realize that I needed to investigate this seriously.  That brought me here to Susan's Place.  A year later, I came out to my wife (at age 61) and started my transition.

[sarahc]

I definitely felt something was wrong when I was a child.

When I was a teenager, I definitely had a desire to become a woman, but I thought that was just too weird.

When I was in college (back in the early 90s), I discovered what a "transsexual" was on Usenet boards (the word "transgender" didn't exist back then!), and everyone who said they were a transsexual was expressing feelings that I felt. That's when I knew.

[Am I Lucy?]

Hi Abby,

I'm trying to work it all out too.

I'm 36, and only 6 months ago did I even consider asking myself am I transgender? Asking that one question has blown my mind apart. Every single day since then, I have questioned everything about myself and my past. I am just reaching a point where the noise in my head is calm enough to be able to actual speak to people. I have found a therapist I am seeing on Thursday and an old friend who has already been amazing.

I'm not jumping onto any labels yet, but I do feel that I probably am transgender. Unfortunately, there's no check list like the flu, so I'm going backwards and forwards from acceptance to self ridicule. It's a bizarre place to be, particularly when you're trying to be a husband and dad and no one knows. I'm quite an optimist though, and in a twisted way I am enjoying the ride because something, somewhere in there feels right. I expect it to be very very hard whatever I decide to do, but all you can do is take a step at a time.

One thing I do wonder is how much testosterone stops your mind being your own. I'm no where near starting any form of HRT, but I wish I could try it for a month to see if the real me might be in there.

I've found everyone on here to be amazingly supportive, so keep those questions coming

Be as you are

Lucy x

[Stephk]

I can remember as far back as 5. I was so torn in my teenage years. I wanted to have a period so badly that I used my mother's tampons. I'm lucky to not have gotten toxic shock syndrome..

[CallMeV]

Hi Abby!

   I took my a long time to figure out. When I was younger I didnt have the knowledge or words to comprehend what was 'wrong' with me. Then when I was in college I began to serious question it but I think I convinced myself that I was just 'faking' it. Then a few years ago, I decided that I probably was trans but only a little. I figured I could just ignore it and I would be fine.
   Honestly, weirdly, the 2016 election was part of what made me really accept and commit to who I was. I think in the back of my head I had been thinking things were getting better and better. With Jenner, Laverne Cox and the other celebrity trans people in the news and the more open culture toward the LGBT culture in general, I thought I could give it another 5 years and I would be okay to transition. After the election, I realized on a deeper level that nothing is certain. I decided that I couldnt wait forever hoping the world would change. So for me that's when I really knew, accepted and really committed to transitioning.
Sending you positive thoughts as you travel your own journey!

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

[Iztaccihuatl]

Abigail,

I am kinda in the same boat as you, i.e. still trying to figure things out. And so far it has been taken me a long time (I am in my early to mid 50ies).

I remember as a teenager I used to fantasize about being a woman or wanting to know how it feels having breasts or wearing a dress, etc. While I always enjoyed these thoughts, I also always pushed them away as just some sexual fantasies and outwardly I tried to avoid anything feminine like the plague. For example, I wouldn't wear anything red or pink, or wear anything androgynous, like a shirt with a racerback or certain types of men's briefs without a fly. DOn't get me wrong, I would have really loved wearing these things, but also was afraid of inadvertently outing myself. I was also very interested in anything gender-bending or related to transsexualism (the term transgender didn't exist back then), like news, articles or certain movies (Tootsie, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Switch, Second Serve, etc to name a few) but was very careful not to show that interest to anybody.

After I got into the dating game (very late, already in my 20ies) lots of these things went away except for the occasional being a woman fantasy before falling asleep. Then I got married and for the first 10 years I continued like this.

Then in 2006 my interest in transgender issues resurfaced as did a need to crossdress. And these thoughts and crossdressing needs continued to intensify. It started with a bra, followed by a panty, then skirt, blouse, pumps, breast forms, jewelry, a bag, etc. It never was enough. I always considered myself a crossdresser, telling myself thanks god I am not transgender, since I would make a terribly ugly woman. I also started to let my hair grow out, I was hesitant to cut my fingernails, and I started to shave my body hair. At the same time keeping all the crossdressing secret from my wife took its toll until I finally came out to her last November and started therapy. I also joined a support group and went out in public for the first time with some of the folks there.

Now, I am still trying to figure out where on the trans spectrum I fit in. From the fact that I crossdress and enjoy doing it and enjoy being out as woman I conclude that I am transgender. I just don't know yet how far. Lately I am thinking about how wonderful it would be to start HRT, but then my male brain kicks in and tells me not to be stupid since HRT is the start of a slippery road. And my wife doesn't like the idea either. So for now I am experimenting as far as I can to see if I can find a clue that would indicate the HRT route isn't for me. So far I haven't fond any.

Hugs,

HM

[LizK]

Hi I am new here, i was just wondering when everyone here knew when they were transgender and how they knew, like was it just an instinct?


Here's my situation. My name is Abby, and i really cant tell if I'm transgender or not. At times I feel like I'm a female and at other times I dont. I'm not interested in other men (which means nothing, just doesnt help my knowing) I like women. But do i just like women so much that i might want to be them?

Hi Abigail

Lots of great answers here and there is probably little I can add but I fall into the category of knowing I was different at an early age and it really scared me. I lived in a small town and a time where being openly hostile towards LBGTQI+ people was just considered the norm. I did everything I could think of not to pursue how I felt. I hoped when I reached puberty that it would all just go away. It didn't in fact it got worse...it took many years of therapy and dealing with the self delusion before I finally accepted the truth about myself.

Most cis people do not even think about their gender...for most of them sexual orientation and their gender line up as one so they never have to think about tit.

I would suggest you find yourself a good therapist and get them to help you work it out...You could start with this question...Do you want/ wish to be female? if the answer is yes then I guess you are by definition Transgender...the bigger question is "What are you going to do about it?"

Liz

[pamelatransuk]

Hello Abigail

I am one of those that knew as a child and I told my grandmother aged 4 in 1959 I wished to be a girl. I crossdressed and bodyshaved all my adult life and buried and suppressed till it became so dominant, that I had to take action. In 2017 I decided to seek a therapist and afterwards we both agreed HRT the right course of  action wef February 2018. I shall be publicly transitioning in Summer aged 64.

However age is not a determining factor and you may realize at any age 4-84!

In the 1960s the only well known term was ->-bleeped-<- and I incorrectly assumed I was one and the term transsexual only became known in the 1970s and then I knew the correct medical term. Transgender wasn't used till around 2005 here in the UK and it is an umbrella term to encompass both these groups and several other categories (eg non binary).

It was also generally assumed by society and perhaps the medical world that there were many more ->-bleeped-<-s than transsexuals. I cannot comment on whether they were right or wrong as we have no statistics.

I am now so glad that the medical world understands ->-bleeped-<- much better than even 20 years ago and that society is gradually showing more acceptance especially young people.

I wish you happiness and success whatever action you choose to take.

Hugs

Pamela   

[Ann W]

Hi, Abigail,

I didn't know, or even suspect, until I was nearly 60. I figured it out suddenly, while I was looking for something else.

That doesn't mean I was unaffected, or didn't suffer gender dysphoria; I did. It was simply deeply repressed. When I look back at my life, I can see it, and see the incredible damage it caused. Now that I'm out to myself, so many things have changed for the better. Problems I thought insoluble all my life have simply melted away.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it really doesn't matter how you get here, if this is the place for you. What matters is that you do. If you're transgender, coming out to yourself is a foretaste of heaven. Life finally makes sense.

[KathyLauren]

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it really doesn't matter how you get here, if this is the place for you. What matters is that you do. If you're transgender, coming out to yourself is a foretaste of heaven. Life finally makes sense.

Life finally making sense is a good way to put it.  That is how it was for me.  All of a sudden, all kinds of random crap in my life that made no sense at all at the time finally snapped into focus and made sense.  I still get random revelations, when I will remember something from my past and suddenly realize, "OMG, now I get it!"

[Victoria L.]

I didn't really start feeling different until late elementary school. Still, I had no idea what the feelings were or meant. I interpreted it as just wanting to be a girl. I had never been made aware that being transgender was even a concept, so I was confused. When my parents gave me "the talk" and started giving me puberty books, I looked all over the Q&A's looking to see if there was anything at all about "I feel like I'm a woman instead". Nothing. So I just thought I was alone and a freak. That didn't stop me from praying all of the time that I would wake up the right sex the next morning.

Finally somewhere around 2003-2004, I walked into my mom's room (she was absent, so this wasn't something she was watching) and on the TV there was a documentary about transgender people and then it clicked, what I was feeling was valid! So it took me a good few years to get to that point.

[CindyLouFromCO]

I think a lot of us realize something is different between 5 and 8 when gender roles are enforced.  I remember around 7 my father arguing with my mother about how they "are not going to raise a girl."

After that my life was awkward.  I was thrown into a toxic masculinity world.  I started to studder, I had horrible anxiety, they tried special ed, consoling, psychology, the whole works.  This all being in the late 1970's early 1980's.

Then self medicating as a young adult.

I finally figured things out by reflecting on my past and allowing my internal self to come out.

I knew when I started to learn about transgender, and speaking with other transgender people.

That's how I figured it out.  I no longer studder or take any psych meds.  I drink vodka or wine maybe twice a month.  I feel normal and I'm happy.

Only you can answer that question.  As you said maybe it is the case that you like women so much that you want to be one?  Speaking with other transgender people and a therapist may help you answer those questions.

I hope you find the answers you're seeking. 

[zamber74]

I was very young when I realized that I wished I were a girl.  I don't think it was until around 1997 that I became familiar with the word Transsexual, although I had heard of ->-bleeped-<- and cross dresser years before that, but neither seemed to fit me.  I'm not sure if I would be considered transgender, as I am not transitioning.  It gets a bit complicated, I feel the dysphoria, want to be a woman, but the fear of transitioning and paranoia of society, and anxiety around people in general tend to keep me from ever progressing.  So,  I'm not sure if I really qualify here.

[OliverR.]

This is a hard one.....the very first thing I remember was my brother and I having this unspoken understanding that we both knew we were boys. (we're twins)XD We used to pretend we were characters in movies and they were always male (the clock and the candle from beauty and the beast..........and the cool-aid guy) I also used to draw characters that kind of were supposed to represent myself as a way to express this feeling. Later in life i kind of connected the dots and finally figured it out.

[CosmicJoke]

I was about 13 1/2 years old. I was seeing a therapist at the time who eventually touched on this subject. Apparently my mother noticed that I wanted to be in the doll aisle every time we were shopping.
Talking about this confirmed to me that I was transgender. I also admitted to the therapist that I have thought many times that I wish I was born a girl.

[Mariabella]

my earliest memories are of being a daughter and being dressed and treated as one. then around six the males of the family had a talk with Mother about it and I was no longer a daughter but a son. a son never accepted by the family males due to my Mother's desire for a daughter and it being expressed in me. And a son never accepted by the Mother who wanted a daughter but did not want to defend me in that role. So I had an awkward childhood of really only wanting to pay with the girls as one of them but living with the definite disapproval of such behaviors.
What a cluster->-bleeped-<-. only knowing oneself as a girl until six and then have to be a boy or face discipline.
Life changed for the worse at seven when Mother married a, for want of a better term, a gangster. He was a very alpha dominant authoritarian who told my Mother without his influence we would turn out.......GAY! Remember this is in the sixties and things were very different then. So we were left in his care as Mother pursued a bar tending career at night. This led to seven years of extreme sexual abuse in which my brother and I were not only raped repeatedly we were also "loaned out" or pimped to his friends. this went on until I became fifteen and my bother thirteen and it is my belief the bastard knew we were building up a murder and so he split and left us.
This put me in the role of Mother's little man and I went from being the bitch to my stepfather to being my Mother;s bitch. All this time whenever I was with grandmother or another family female I would put on lipstick and let the act calm my tortured self. So I am fifteen and filling the role of Mother to my siblings as she partied the bar life. It was then I knew without doubt who I was and began dressing in Mother's clothes and makeup when alone. Dressing to fit my inner self gave me peace in a life of insanity and I became quite good at being quite a little tart looking girl. Then the hammer fell and My brother caught me dressed and outed me. Mother, Who began the whole thing when I was but a child decided I was deviant and had me held in a psyche facility for six weeks. during that time electroshock was brought up as a treatment option so I got smart quick and "manned" up. This would persist through my first marriage despite growing dysphoria over my artificial male role. And when the marriage ended I would dress every evening after work. How ever in small town rural Oregon in the nineties that is as far as it could go for me then.
Loneliness is real and after three years alone I reached out to a woman I knew who was bisexual and we went on a date. I am female attracted and told her on our first date I consider myself a lesbian. She laughed and did not take it serious as I meant it. Long story short is she was infertile due to being hit by a car and I had a son to rise so we decided to partner up, finish raising my son and have a wild life together. It was during this time I missed the opportunity to come out to her but again rural small town values and fear of backlash kept me silent. Then the impossible happened and she became pregnant. At that point I knew what my future was and I shelved my needs for the last thirty years to raise a family unplanned. No regrets. Good people are the result. But now all the excuses, all the fears, all the dysphoria on hold has broken like a tsunami over me and I am processing the demise of my male persona that was built from pain and misery and the embrace of my divine feminine long suppressed. The slow process of owning myself and presenting as the person I should have been is a difficult thing after decades of wearing a mask. So now at sixty I am on a path I will not stray from again. I am hoping the woman I love will embrace the better self I am becoming as a woman, given her own fluidity when we met.
So in all I would have to say I always was transgender since my earliest time. But societies demands and life has gotten in my way until now.
Good god I am so bottled up I puke my life in a post.
Apologies if I overshared.
Besos