So I lived as a cis-gendered male for 38 years. I accepted Christ at age 11 and have been involved in the Church my entire life.
That said, I had extreme social and anger issues as a teen due to relentless bullying by "jocks." The jock culture is toxic and supports mysogynism in young men and reinforces patriarchal society. Some grow up to be decent family men, others not so much, but that's for another topic.
I had extreme difficulty relating to peers growing up (and only very recently within the past few months discovered the cause was female mental gender), and after high school entered college, where I was just accepted for who I was. I went through a "hippie phase" growing out my hair and wearing tie dye, but I also suffered from severe clinical depression. I started drawing female figures but didn't know why, and got labeled as a "pornographer" by the church. I was allowed to stay in the congregation, but was told to clean up my act, which I did. I would argue art is not the same as porn. Anyone who is so offended by the human body I would suggest reading Song of Solomon.
2018 was a transition for my fiance and I. Her mother passed on to be with the Lord, same day as Billy Graham. She felt unsafe and persecuted in our home congregation. We discussed the matter privately, and after hearing her story, I came to the determination that we would leave our current flock and start "shopping" a new Church home immediately.
We eventually settled down and joined an inner city black congregation, mainly to get away from the racibm, bigotry and politics prevalent in white congregations. They have so far accepted us with open arms. The sermons are powerful, music upbeat. People dance and clap and sing. I feel moved by the spirit on Sundays when before I used to nod off in the pews. I cannot fall asleep in such a place. Even my reverend said he prayed for diversity a week prior to us showing up.
My fiance and I are both evangelical Christians, and both liberal political views. She was raised Methodist and I Southern Baptist. Many Christian denominations, especially white congregations in the bible belt, tend to be politically conservative and try to press upon their congregations to support these views. There are many racist and homophobic church goers who use religion to conceal hatred. That LGBT is an abomination to God's plan for humans.
This archaic principal stems from the fact in early humanity, procreation was necessary for survival. Two men or two women cannot procreate. This is biological fact. However many heterosexual bedroom activities also do not result in procreation. However with medical technology ensuring that the majority of children reach adulthood, overpopulation, pollution, and competition for resources means procreation isn't necessary for survival. People have done it for mellinia and will continue to do so. Protesting LGBT people, or picketing outside of abortion clinics does nothing to further the kingdom. It screams hypocrisy. "God loves everyone, except for _____"
While the Bible has strong words against homosexuality and other deviant practices (ex: Sodom and Gommora), it also has severe dietary restrictions on clean and unclean foods which few still follows, "eye for an eye", stoning adulterers, and other practices which no well meaning modern God fearing individual would support. Jesus also said, "let one who is without sin cast the first stone." "Remove the log out of your own eye; then you can see clearly to examine the spec in your friend's eye."
I've been a closet supporter of the LGBT community for years, but now that I identify with them, it is personal. These people have as much freedom to worship as anyone. Salvation won't "cure" dysphoria or homosexuality, but religion can lead to leading fulfilling lives.
I am currently using an otc hormone (dhea) to androgynize my body, and my adrenals are now producing estrogen. Since my mental gender is female, but my body is male, and hormones do cross the blood-brain barrier, I cannot treat my mental dysphoria without physiological changes to my body. And I am transitioning, though currently I still "present" as male.
They've been begging my fiance and I to join the choir. Well up until a few month ago, I was a tenor, but now my singing voice is now a very effeminant alto with a higher resonance, due to my larynx shrinking. I cannot sing baratone anymore at all, and forcing my new voice so sing tenor range is painful and could damage it. So if I join, I'll be the only "male alto" on the praise team, and the only "male" standing up there period. So my new voice should blend right in. 😅 I've been closet singing and my voice sounds almost angelic, though it's harder for me to hit perfect pitch like I used to because it's still transiting.
My breasts are beginning to bud somewhat. I need to wear two shirts to conceal them. During the service, we have a "meet and greet" where we hug other members of the congregation. I love giving and receiving hugs from both men and women, however I am becoming self conscious that people will notice even if they don't say anything.
Should I come out to my pastor, or wait it out? Amber will come out and reveal herself eventually if I don't. I've opened to a few trusted close friends who don't have ties to my family. Some of them are very accepting, other confused, and some have gotten preachy, accusing me of choosing a dark path. Friends, LGBT people don't chose their path; the path choses them!
"God doesn't make mistakes," is a argument I hear a lot, and a fairly week strawman at that. Humans, while created in God's image, are inherently flawed. Babies are born everyday with Downs, a chromosomal anomaly, yet we love and nurture them. Nobody says, "God messed up again," when a downs child is born. To suggest this would be blasphemy, yet they have no problem suggesting that I am a mistake?
I have ADHD meds I take to help me focus. I have hypertension. How is hormone therapy any different? Something mind or body is out of alignment, and modern medicine can fix that. If I revert back to male without allowing my transition to continue, I will be forever stuck with permanent gender dysphoria, which would be a miserable existence. Waking up every morning with positive energy in my veins, motivated in a way I never have been before, optimistic about my situation even if life throws me a curveball. I haven't suffered clinical depression in a decade-and-a-half, but I've never felt as radiant and happy as I do now. Does God want me to be miserable? I would hope not.
A trucker friend told me I am destroying my life, then why do I feel so positive? A female coworker, also Christian flat out told me I am trying to become something I wasn't created to be. Yet my agnostic male coworker, who recommended I read the Kybaloin (specifically the mental gender chapter - I did get a hardcover Centenary edition and have started reading it) totally supports and "gets" me.
I'm not losing my faith over this. If I have to relocate and fknd a new church home, I will. I am still "His" child. If it weren't for my faith, I would probably be dead or institutionalized by now, but I'm here and living a fulfilling life.😇