So I'm a couple months into transition, and my fiance and I died our hair purple and gold for Mardi Gras. She was dirty blonde, I was purple. Purple was always my favorite color, but I never truly owned it until recently. It's important symbolically as my newfound non-binary identity.
My voice is becoming more effminent, my mannerisms, movements, personality, chest getting bigger, growth pains in my sternum, daily swelling in my breasts. Abdomen is shrinking. I have shaved all of my facial hair except my goatee which is a couple inches long, dyed purple what was left along with my full head of hair.
The purple turns out isn't as permanent as I'd like, already fading back to my old salt-and-pepper hair. The white and black hairs shown through as natural light and dark shades of purple while it lasted.
Wednesday night last week I went to an artist gathering for critical mass. I had purple lipstick to match my hair and goatee, glass teal colored serpentine gauge 0 earings. I was wearing a button up purple shirt with teal tie dye underneath, color coordinated with my purple hair, lips, teal earrings.
I got nothing but complements that night and came out as androgynous to my (mostly) cis-female artist friends whom I have bought art from before. Eventually someday I'll have my own booth at an event. I am building a studio in my backyard.
So nobody knows I'm trans yet since I still present as male. And currently I do identify as non-binary or bigender. My mental gender is female but body can be whatever. Knowing how good estrogen makes me feel, I could never go back. However I enjoy my male body and don't really have a desire to suppress it either. I really want to partially transition and express both characteristics eventually while remaining estrogen dominant.
It's a mental thing for me, not physical. But the weight loss, redistribution of body fat, vocal range, breast growth, and other effects are welcome changes. I could see myself as a transwoman sporting a goatee someday.
I talked to a prominent local historian and reporter after the event. She does a talk every month on local history. I told her I identified as androgynous but would keep my goatee so there wasn't any confusion. She told me be glad we are living in 2019 with the freedom to express ourselves. "And they have bearded ladies too..." I blushed. Somebody got it!
It is a Bible belt deep south state, but the artist community at large is pretty counter culture already and open minded. Felt good to go out in public, out of my shell and just be myself for once. It definitely won't be the last time I present as gender non-conforming...
