I think Lynne and Faith hit it on the nose. There is no conflict between seeing transitioning as about authenticity rather than passing, and exulting in being taken for cis. Apples and oranges.
I agree with you about transitioning being about authenticity rather than passing. It seems to me that the obsession many trans women have with passing has more to do with dysphoria, which is a separate issue (I think that is forgotten a lot these days). But the joy of passing doesn't require dysphoria.
You pass sometimes; I will never pass, without surgery. When I first started presenting female full-time, and for several months after, I appreciated the respect I would get from strangers who would gender me correctly; but I knew they were "just being nice." I knew they were making a conscious mental adjustment; and that was a little bit of poison that came with every "Ma'am," a reminder of what I lacked, how I fell short. I think -- strike that, I know -- that many of us occasionally struggle with feelings that we aren't really women because of what we were born with. Sometimes these feelings are profound, sometimes they are nothing more than a subtle undercurrent that sometimes clouds an otherwise sunny sky. I think that's why being taken for cis is so magical; it helps us forget, for a moment, that we're not.
But, in time, something wonderful happened. I forgot to care. Some kind of mental adjustment took place; and, when people called me "Ma'am," I forgot to treat it as good manners and received it warmly as genuine. Perhaps it's because I'm in the service industry and deal with repeat customers, and over time can tell when people are treating me with genuine respect rather than casual kindness.
You know something else? Respect comes from authenticity. I recently watched the testimony of several trans soldiers and sailors before a House Subcommittee. They were so impressive -- not because they were trans, but because they were who they were. Of the five, only one failed to make a strong impression on me -- both officers and enlisted. They did their jobs; and they were more focused on their jobs than on the fact that they were trans. There were a couple who work in health care, and at least one of them (who doesn't pass) mentioned how transitioning had made her better at her job, because her patients confided things to her that they would never have done before. She ascribed it to the fact that she was obviously genuine, and that that led people to be genuine with her. Authenticity breeds respect. Not in everyone; some people have problems and private axes to grind. But in more people than you realize -- most people, in fact, I believe.
Maybe that's why I've received more positivity from strangers than I expected before I went full-time. I was focused on the negative; I never expected to be respected for who I am by cis people.
Not being cis is, unfortunately, a permanent place of sadness in my life. I don't spend much time there, which is a good thing. But I do go back, from time to time. It's hard not to. As time goes by, and my true self emerges and my long-held facade of maleness atrophies, I am occasionally surprised by feelings I never had before and never expected to have -- a desire for children of my own is a dramatic example. I never thought that would happen. I think that may be something we just have to learn to live with, and not obsess over. Many people are born in less than perfect physical situations. We're not special in that regard, just different. If they can get past their issues, so can we.