I went to an all-girls sleepover on Friday night, presenting female. I was so excited and two of the girls there were really good friends of mine, but three of them were girls I didn't know. Halfway through the night after a movie, one of the girls (let's call her Maggie) turns to me and asks, "So, how do you hide it?"
I try to play dumb and ask, "Hide what"? and then I turn to my other friend and ask a question trying to change the subject. I can feel my face getting hot. I know Maggie didn't ask the question of out malice, but out of curiosity. Still, I try and start a conversation with my close friend, Regan, but she stops me.
"Yeah, Chantal, how do you hide it? I've never asked. Can we see it? I mean, you've seen mine before."
"It's not the same," I said, faking a laugh.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't have a--"
"A p*ssy?" Maggie asks, "So, you're a girl, right? If you're a girl you wouldn't care if other girls saw what you had down there. It's not like we're going to care or anything. Show us!"
I shuddered, "I just don't want to. I wouldn't be comfortable. Not until I've changed it or had a surgery or whatever. I don't even like looking at it myself."
At this point, another girl (Eva) sighs, "Come on, Chantal. It's not a big deal. Show us."
My second close friend, Harlie, doesn't say anything. She can see my discomfort, how I feel like jumping out the window. She gives me a kinda sympathetic look, but doesn't come to my defense or try and change the subject. Maggie ended up reaching for my pajama pants and laughing as she tried pulling them down. I kicked her off of me and she goes, "What the <not allowed> was that for?"
Finally, Harlie said something: "Maggie stop."
The conversation/argument went on for a bit between these girls and I'm sitting there, feeling like a spectacle. I thought I'd be treated like a girl at this sleepover. For the most part, I was. But here we were, these girls trying to see it as if it's just there for their entertainment. Like I'm a freak in a freak show. A half woman. A half girl.
I pretended to go to sleep shortly after, but my throat was so tight. I felt like an idiot. My self-worth plummeted, momentarily, but it still plummeted. I felt anger, towards Harlie and Regan--especially Regan. I can't expect them to understand the severity of it. What they wanted to see. Yeah, I'v'e seen Regan naked, but it's not like I asked. She was getting dressed. I didn't ask to see her genitalia, so why did she want to see mine? I'm sure she's seen a d*ck before.
I just want it gone.
I don't want to experience something like this every again.