@Amoré
IMHO, there is only one answer to this situation, and it's your lawyer.
The way you deal with her "playing the victim" is documentation. Document every encounter with her and with your child that involves her, however remotely. Keep a journal. To the extent that your fiance has encounters with her or with your child involving her, they also should document.
This is very tedious and very time-consuming; but if your lawyer is worth anything he or she will be very happy with you for doing this. You have to take her lies and manipulation, and your discouragement, out of the picture; and this is how you do it. In time, your documentation will paint a picture of her that will speak to the court for itself.
I don't know where in the world you are, but unilateral denial of visitation is a huge no-no in the US. Visitation is not only a parent's right; it's the child's right. Courts take the view that it is in the child's best interest to have a relationship with both parents, unless there is significant evidence to the contrary. Many non-custodial parents allow custodial parents to deny them visitation out of discouragement, but they shouldn't. In fact, the custodial parent who is playing games with the non-custodial parent's visitation should have to pay attorney fees and court costs, every time they get taken back to court, because it's usually a violation of the Court's order -- a contempt scenario. Unless the custodial parent is made of money, that should be a disincentive.
And even after you win this fight, keep documenting. Chances are, this won't stop and she'll keep screwing with you, using other ways, until it becomes too expensive.
