OK, I’m a woman. Now what?

[Ann W]

It's been almost two years since I came out to myself, and more than a year since going full-time. While I don't pass, it's not much of an issue. Virtually no one gives me grief, and many people are nice and gender me correctly anyway. I'm happier with myself than I've ever been. I'm flowering, I'm blooming, I'm reaching up to the sky. Now what do I do?

I was miserable for much of my life, with occasional moments of happiness. I was driven by forces I didn't understand and I spent all my time trying to be someone I didn't want to be. Now that I'm free of all that nonsense, I don't have a clue what to do with myself.

There's only so much time one can spend "being trans." "Being trans" isn't life; it's a Twilight Zone between hell and heaven. It's a holding pattern over O'Hare International. It's time to land.

I guess I need to get out and meet people. I do have a few acquaintances I see regularly, or semi-regularly. That's nice. I've been wanting to learn American Sign Language, and I recently discovered a place that's giving free instruction in my area. It's a fundamentalist church. I sent them an e-mail, telling them I was interested in their class but that I'm not a Christian and am transgender. I wonder if they'll even respond. Do churches have single-user bathrooms?

I think I'm beginning to understand what other women see in men. I think it must be kind of like having a housepet that can talk to you. I'm just not convinced it's worth the trouble.

[CynthiaAnn]

There's only so much time one can spend "being trans." "Being trans" isn't life; it's a Twilight Zone between hell and heaven. It's a holding pattern over O'Hare International. It's time to land.

Hi Ann,

It's like time for real life 2.0, when one transitions, all lot of time and energy can be focused on the changes, and once those are completed, where to put new energy ?

One thing i have enjoyed since transitioning has been building a circle of friends that only have known me as my true self. As a woman I value my relationships and interactions with others far more, and it's been social growth, we are all interconnected in someway.

  I hope that for you Ann, find a hobby, or a skill that you can share with others, and apply yourself. For me it's been music as a way to meet new people, perhaps sewing or crafts interest you ? That's great you wanting to learn sign language what a useful skill !

Hugs and life 2.0 to you...

Cynthia -

[Maid Marion]

I have a large fiower garden, cook most of my meals, and hem my clothes to fit better.  Or shopping for clothes that fit to begin with, which is way easier if I'm buying clothes for women.

[sarah1972]

Whenever I hear stuff like this, I remember a party at one of our friends. Our friend had just broken up with her boyfriend and everyone was sad for her.

She shrugged and just said: Only issue is that I have to mow the lawn myself.

This is burned into my brain forever...

I think I'm beginning to understand what other women see in men. I think it must be kind of like having a housepet that can talk to you. I'm just not convinced it's worth the trouble.

[HappyMoni]

It's been almost two years since I came out to myself, and more than a year since going full-time. While I don't pass, it's not much of an issue. Virtually no one gives me grief, and many people are nice and gender me correctly anyway. I'm happier with myself than I've ever been. I'm flowering, I'm blooming, I'm reaching up to the sky. Now what do I do?

I was miserable for much of my life, with occasional moments of happiness. I was driven by forces I didn't understand and I spent all my time trying to be someone I didn't want to be. Now that I'm free of all that nonsense, I don't have a clue what to do with myself.

There's only so much time one can spend "being trans." "Being trans" isn't life; it's a Twilight Zone between hell and heaven. It's a holding pattern over O'Hare International. It's time to land.

I guess I need to get out and meet people. I do have a few acquaintances I see regularly, or semi-regularly. That's nice. I've been wanting to learn American Sign Language, and I recently discovered a place that's giving free instruction in my area. It's a fundamentalist church. I sent them an e-mail, telling them I was interested in their class but that I'm not a Christian and am transgender. I wonder if they'll even respond. Do churches have single-user bathrooms?

I think I'm beginning to understand what other women see in men. I think it must be kind of like having a housepet that can talk to you. I'm just not convinced it's worth the trouble.

Hi Ann,
   After all my transition stuff, I had a brief period of 'what now?' It was pretty bad after GCS. I soon realized that all that was just setting the table for whatever I found I wanted to do. Three years of surgery and I am ready to enjoy my free time. I want to do things I've never done before and enjoy the not new things in a new way. I want to go listen to music in the park. I want to eat at places I haven't yet. I want to dance with a guy. I want to go walking in a stream in my one piece. Some things take money, others don't. I'm going to the Keystone Conference soon and I want to be more open to the things that I was too timid to do before. I want to improve my voice, learn to be more graceful. I also want to become a better person. There  was a dumb Jim Carrey movie where he had to say yes to everything for a period of time. Maybe, there might be something to that.
Moni

[Michelle_P]

...
There's only so much time one can spend "being trans." "Being trans" isn't life; it's a Twilight Zone between hell and heaven. It's a holding pattern over O'Hare International. It's time to land.
...

I reached this point a while back.  Now, we live our lives!

It takes a certain drive and focus to get through a transition.  When we recognize we are near the end of a transition I feel it is important to find a new focus, a new outlet for that drive.  This may be something within ourselves, a new goal such as finishing that degree or writing that book, or external, planning some venture that we always wanted to take on.

Remaining focused on the transition process isn't always healthy.  I've seen people working hard to find new elements of their own transition to focus on, promising themselves and others that there's just one or two more surgeries, and then they will be ready to tackle that project, live their lives. It doesn't seem to ever happen.

I found multiple external tasks and goals to focus on.  I became more active in my church, and now chair the Worship Associate team, putting me on the chancel and in the pulpit regularly.  I've taken on activism for trans rights, and regularly speak out on trans and intersectional feminist issues.  I even do occasional technology presentations and classes.

I've used my church connections and my activism to launch a social life.  I have a girlfriend who doesn't seem to object to being referred to as my Significant Other.  I have friends I see regularly, for lunches, museum trips, and such.

I have always enjoyed travel, and so I am budgeting for and planning trips.  Next up will be a one week Alaska cruise, and a few excursions to do things I have never done before.  New experiences!

Transition is done. Now, we live.  Live our lives, as our authentic selves, fully, honestly, and completely!

[LizK]

Hi Ann

I hear you loud and clear on my thread I started off by saying..."What happens now" I am pretty much finished with my physical transition...yes there is more I could probably do but I find myself satisfied with where I am...I don't get hassled when I am out, I seem to "pass" (what ever that really means) and now find myself wondering where do I go from here. So I have found something that interests me and now I am going to pursue it...I do not know how successful I may be but then at the end of the day I am only doing it for me. It does not involve anything trans related as I want to "get away" from that...to be honest I think I just want to do something that doesn't involve being trans LOL..it 5 years this year since I started this whole process and nearly 4 officially.

So I am looking to also do something I may even be able to make some money off if I get good enough...but half the fun is in the journey.

....
I think I'm beginning to understand what other women see in men. I think it must be kind of like having a housepet that can talk to you. I'm just not convinced it's worth the trouble.

I understand you here and erupted into laughter when I read this...I was waiting to get bloods done so this caused the whole waiting room to suddenly take an interest in me...it was a "who's the weird lady in the corner look"

Good luck with what ever you decide...

Take care

Liz