If you were born a girl

[Magnolia88]

Do you ever reflect and wonder how different your life would be if you had been born female like you were supposed to be? I feel like I would have been in such a better place by now. I spent all my time wishing I was someone else. My way of coping with being trans was to hide and I feel like I missed out on so much doing that. High School would have been a much more fun experience. I would have had so much more confidence back then. I probably would have been a cheerleader. I definitely would have had boyfriends and not skipped prom and homecoming like i did in real life. Maybe I would have been married by now with kids. I would have put forth more effort in my life. I could have gotten into a great college, instead of barely graduating high school. I don't want to blame all my failures on being trans, but I do think it hindered my growth tremendously. I feel like I'm mentally stuck at age 13, because becoming a man was too traumatic for me. It's like my life has been on pause for the last 18 years. If I had been born biologically a girl, I don't think I would have wasted so much time. Sometimes I really wish had I gotten to live that life.

[Allie Jayne]

I am at the other end of the life timeline and have imagined this for over 60 years. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a drunk dad and a Mum who worked nightshift, so I pretty much had to look after myself. It was tough, but I feel it was a bit easier as a male, as I could hide my emotions. I doubt my education would have been any better as there was simply no money for me to go to college. My work prospects would have been way less, but I probably would have realised my greatest desire, to be a mother.

I have also imagined my male life had I not been affected by dysphoria since I was 4. I would have had friends, more confidence, better career advancement, lots more money, family, a son who could have something in common with me, possible prostate and heart conditions. So either way could have advantages and disadvantages. All in all, I can't complain how things turned out. I struggled with dysphoria, but managed it, had 2 wonderful children, a divorce, and a second wife, a reasonable career allowing me to semi retire at 50 and do some amazing things, and now, at 65, I am transitioning to finally be myself.

Interesting as it is to think of how things could have been, I know it makes no difference to how it is, so my focus is on the getting the best outcome for my situation.

Allie

[Josie_L]

It's easy to reflect on what could had been, but that does not necessarily mean we would be in a better place
back then now and in the future. Many girls try to cope with life's ups and downs too. Some cope, some do not.
Some even wish they were born differently too.

Used to wish that was born a girl too but not anymore, not since starting my transition.
Guess the reason is due to how happy and content i am now, with being myself and retaining my personality.
Im an individual regardless of what label i may have, and that is the biggest most important thing than wishing
i was born a girl. x

[mako9802]

I used to wish I was born a female...not.so much anymore.  If that was possible you would be wishing yourself out of existence.  Now if it was possible to remember my past 36 years as male then...

[KathyLauren]

I used to wish I was a girl.  But I compartmentalized that away.  When I learned that trans was a thing, I labelled that compartment "Nope, nopity-nope!  Do not open."

I didn't realize the truth until I was 60.  I just can't wish those 60 years away.  Even playing a role that didn't fit, I had a lot of good times in those years.  They were not a waste.

Yes of course my life would have been different if I had been a cis girl.  But then I wouldn't be here where I am today, which is a happy place.  I can't wish the present away either.

You can't go back.  The only way to go is forward.

[CynthiaAnn]

If I were born a girl, I would not have our 2 beautiful daughters in this life today.

If I were born a girl, I would not have married my wife, she would have passed me up.

If I were born a girl, I most likely would not have been as successful in my career.

If I were born a girl, I would not be here on the trans board this morning typing.

If I were born a girl, I would not have struggled so much later in life. That tension created results.

It's hard to predict outcomes, hindsight is most clear. No regrets here...

I am very happy today living authentically, and I have much to look forward to in this life.

Cynthia -

[JudiBlueEyes]

CynthiaAnn, yes yes yes.  I agree!

[Magnolia88]

I personally wouldn't mind trading the life I've had for the chance to have been born biologically female. There have been some good times mostly from childhood, but everything since puberty has pretty much been hell. I've been isolated, neglected, and just generally unhappy. Maybe if I was older, I could have made some kind of life for myself like it seems most of you have despite your dysphoria. Then, I would think twice about giving it all up. So far, I've not been able to do that.

[Ann W]

Do you ever reflect and wonder how different your life would be if you had been born female like you were supposed to be? I feel like I would have been in such a better place by now. I spent all my time wishing I was someone else.

I think this is a temptation for many people, both cis and trans. Some choices in life take us down paths with consequences as unchangeable as our sex and gender. Regret is a familiar place we all visit, from time to time; we can't seem to help doing so. But it's no place to live.

I know it's only my personal belief; but I think there is a reason for the way we are as we are, and it's not to focus on what we've missed. The way is always ahead. We can't help what we're stuck with; but we can choose how to respond to it.

My way of coping with being trans was to hide and I feel like I missed out on so much doing that. High School would have been a much more fun experience. I would have had so much more confidence back then.

Have you seen "Mean Girls"? I didn't experience it any more than you did; but my understanding is that, while high school can be Purgatory for weird "boys," for girls it can be the lowest level of Hell. Girls can be ruthless and savage to one another. They say that psychological abuse is worse than physical; and I think that's what high school girls specialize in. If I had to experience this as the price of being a cis female, of course, I would choose to do so; but I can't say I regret not living it.

Maybe I would have been married by now with kids.

I feel this, too. I'm not sure about the married part, but definitely the kids.

I would have put forth more effort in my life. I could have gotten into a great college, instead of barely graduating high school. I don't want to blame all my failures on being trans, but I do think it hindered my growth tremendously.

I experienced something similar. As I said, we can't do anything about the cards we're dealt, but we can do something about how to play them. If you play Spades, Bridge, and some other card games, then you know that what looks like a hand full of garbage is sometimes a winner in disguise. Also, there's nothing wrong with failure. What's wrong is not trying. Some of the most successful people failed many times on the way to their success. They didn't let their failure stop them from trying, and eventually they got there.

Sometimes I really wish had I gotten to live that life.

I wonder sometimes about that, but I don't focus on it. It's not real. Where we are now is real, and there is beauty and love and wonder all around us. When I think of an example of an overcomer, my first thought is always of Helen Keller, a woman with more strikes against her than you or I will ever have. This is a woman who was blind and deaf, almost from birth, and in the 19th century, when people like her were mostly institutionalized and forgotten. Yet she learned to read, to speak and to understand more than one language. She published books. She spoke to crowds and inspired countless others. This was a woman who didn't let what she was handed stop her, and as a result lived a fuller life than many people who can see and hear ever do.

Our pasts do not define us. We are women. We are strong, and we can overcome.

[V M]

If I were born a girl, then that would be that I guess 

[Jillieann Rose]

I was born just as I needed to be to become the vibrate alive women that I am. A speaker for the transgender  community. I speaking to the general public about who we are and the need for equal rights.
Now growing up in a girls body would have been much easier for a girl like me. I would most likely be like 1000 of other women growing old but not really making a difference in our world. I would not have the tenacity and determination that I have today. So no I would not have wanted to grow up like most girls do.
Jillieann

[Laurie K]

If I were born a girl ... I would not know  the difference  .....and how happy I am to be a woman

[LizK]

I was born a girl...unfortunately I was AMAB

Had I been AFAB then I would not have the wonderful family I now have and none of the incredible people in my life. Its a double edged sword and I am grateful for what I do have...In the entire scheme of things it could have been way worse...

Liz

[Victoria L.]

I would take the chance in a heart beat! I know that being a cis woman is crappy, and I can't actually sit here and say with any certainty at all that I wouldn't have experienced some major hardships just because of being a cis woman if I had been born that way. BUT I'd take the chances over being a trans woman. It's been nearly 20 years of dysphoria and pain now and feeling like I'll never get to do anything about it. If I could have just been born right, why the heck wouldn't I take that opportunity? I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed (etc., etc., etc.) for this to be made right. You have no idea (Well, I'm sure a lot of trans people here do have an idea. Lol).

I don't have a partner or kids, so unlike the rest of you, I don't see much of anything to lose. Pretending-to-be-a-man me hasn't led me to any happiness and, to be honest, being trans has been so much on my mind that when I've dated, I've NEVER dated without my partner knowing. It's just too much for me to hide that from someone. I can't pretend to be a male like that, I can't handle it.

[Linde]

I was born being mostly a girl, and they made me into a guy!  I tried to live like a guy, and had a great marriage, and a great son.  And than I started to get my original body back.  I wish I would have started earlier doing this!

[TonyaW]

I was born a girl...unfortunately I was AMAB

Had I been AFAB then I would not have the wonderful family I now have and none of the incredible people in my life. Its a double edged sword and I am grateful for what I do have...In the entire scheme of things it could have been way worse...

Liz

Right.  Took me 50 years to figure that out though. 

Had I been born a cis girl, things would have been different. Easier in some ways (no dysphoria) but harder in the ways that life is harder for girls.

I also wouldn't know my wife and my kids and grandson would not exist so it's not something I would wish for.



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[NatalieRene]

I think Robert Frost put it best

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

[herekitten]

I've had this thought pop into my head before.  But not in context of being born a girl, but rather being born with the correct body part.  Having transitioned very early in life, my growing years were aligned with other girls except for that one part. I did not experience a period, when my friends and sisters did. Funny how they hated it, and I wished for it. Then as I grew older, friends and sisters started having children. They loved it and most embraced it, and I could only wish for my own child from my own body. I was fortunate to a degree that my present husband came with a baby. So motherhood was there, but still that little gnawing that I wish it was his and mine creation from my womb.

Education wise that part of my body did not hold me back. My career was good, but in this regard, I was my own worst enemy. I shied from high profile positions, even when they were created for me --- because (and get this) I was preop. Stupid, I know. Ugh!!  But insecurity can raise its ugly head and create a wall.

Your question makes me wonder if I had been born with a vagina, who would I have ended up with marriage-wise?  I dated some very wealthy men, but never told them. Some pursued me to the degree that I knew marriage was very likely and possible -- if I had a vagina (I think but not certain now). So rather than suffer heartache -- it was goodbye to them. I could have lived a lifestyle very very few people could only dream of.  Silly right?  because it's just as easy to tell a wealthy man as it is a poor man.

But all in all, my lack of a vagina led me to the most wonderful man whom I could have only dreamed of. And I can say with great certainty that with or without a vagina, he and I were meant for each other. Fate and Destiny got it right. So the question, for me, of being born a natal girl is now a moot point. Acquiring my vagina will only be for cosmetic purposes and sex --  that thought makes me giggle -- don't know why but it does 

[Linde]

@ herekitten
I am almost the opposite to you!  When i was born, I was mostly a girl, but somebody decided for whatever reason, they should emphasize he little bit of male i had, and the girl parts were made to disappear. I grew up as a boy, and worked very hard at being one and later at being a man.  And as a man I et the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world, and she became my wife! We had one child, and lived for many years a pretty happy life, and both of us were very successful in our professions.  At some point my body decided that it is enough with the man game, and the woman wanted to come out (really, my body started to change physically), and my marriage fell apart over this. 
I am now in the process to get the parts back that were taken away from me as a baby.  I think one can try to force nature only to a certain extend, and once it is to much, nature comes and corrects itself!

And I am like you, I see a vulva/vagina as a cosmetic procedure only, because the orchi took care of the testosterone production!  But I still think it would look right on my body, cause at that point my body would be the way it used to be!

[noleen111]

I did wonder this as well.. I did wish i was a girl as a teenager as all the girls got wear such pretty outfits...I had to hide to wear girls stuff.

When I started my transition I did not wish that I was born a girl so much, suppose I was a girl now and i got wear lovely outfits/makeup etc... but now.. that I am married I again wish I was a cis-woman.. If I was born a girl, I would be able to fall pregnant. I would love to be pregnant with my mans baby.

SO yes, If I were born a girl, I would be able to have kids with the man I love.