Maybe it's the fact that I don't pass, or that I've only been out to myself about two years; but feeling feminine is a sliding scale. Occasionally, I feel as though I could immerse myself in it. I live for those moments.
Throughout my life, most of my heroes have been women. I have always loved Karen Carpenter; since my youth, she has been my favorite vocalist. But since coming out to myself, I've found that other female singers speak to my soul: Lesley Gore, the ladies from Abba, and, lately, Connie Francis. I listen to Abba while I'm walking for exercise in the local mall; and, oh, those women! When I hear them sing, I feel like I'm one of them. I'm sure the beat is part of it; but, when I hear "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme," I walk like a runway model, or as close to a runway model as I can get. I feel like a woman at the height of my power.
I recently bought a full-sized copy of a movie poster I saw in a shop window, for the new "Captain Marvel" film. It's a picture of Brie Larson in uniform, and she is overwhelming. I would pass by the shop regularly, and often stop just to look at her: an archetype of a powerful woman. I'm going to have it framed for my living room; and then I'm going to find a poster of those ladies from Abba, frame it, too, and place it beside the other one.
