Comment on my plans

[shepd]

So I have some plans related to my transition and I'd appreciate any comments on them perhaps on how realistic they are, or anything else.  I'm out to everyone that matters except my current job, which is a renewable temporary contract.  I intend to continue to present as a male at that job as while I'm not happy wearing men's clothes, I'm also not seriously depressed.  Outside of work I'm crossdressing and (attempting to) present as female.

6 weeks ago:  Started fully body and face laser hair removal.  This will continue until at least March 2020.

Currently:  Changing my gender to "X".  Only obstacle is getting a letter from the psychiatrist, who has agreed, but wants to speak with a gender therapist first (who I am being referred to) to ensure it's done properly.  Also am training my feminine voice and learning feminine traits as well as I can.

Within 2 months:  Legally change my name to a more gender neutral name (last name staying the same).  Going from "David John" to "Dee Jay".

December, 2019:  Give my wife one last child.  We'll both be 41 at that time so I highly doubt we will want more than this second child.

January, 2020:  Begin HRT.  Bank sperm just in case previous doesn't work out.

February, 2020:  Orchiectomy.  Frankly, I was planning to get a vasectomy anyways so why not just get this done ASAP.

March, 2020:  Electrolysis for the remaining stubborn grey hairs on my beard, and about 1 or 2 that matter down there.

Whenever breast development becomes difficult to hide at work, come out at that job and see what happens.  Worst case, I find another place to work.  It is a temporary contract after all.  I expect this will be the case around May/June 2020?  Works for me as my apartment contract is up then anyways.

Anyone see any flaws in the plan?  Any steps I'm missing?  I don't plan to get the "X" changed to "F" unless I actually had full bottom surgery.

[gracefulhat]

So your spouse knows about these plans and still wants another child? If so then that's really cool

So I have some plans related to my transition and I'd appreciate any comments on them perhaps on how realistic they are, or anything else.  I'm out to everyone that matters except my current job, which is a renewable temporary contract.  I intend to continue to present as a male at that job as while I'm not happy wearing men's clothes, I'm also not seriously depressed.  Outside of work I'm crossdressing and (attempting to) present as female.

6 weeks ago:  Started fully body and face laser hair removal.  This will continue until at least March 2020.

Currently:  Changing my gender to "X".  Only obstacle is getting a letter from the psychiatrist, who has agreed, but wants to speak with a gender therapist first (who I am being referred to) to ensure it's done properly.  Also am training my feminine voice and learning feminine traits as well as I can.

Within 2 months:  Legally change my name to a more gender neutral name (last name staying the same).  Going from "David John" to "Dee Jay".

December, 2019:  Give my wife one last child.  We'll both be 41 at that time so I highly doubt we will want more than this second child.

January, 2020:  Begin HRT.  Bank sperm just in case previous doesn't work out.

February, 2020:  Orchiectomy.  Frankly, I was planning to get a vasectomy anyways so why not just get this done ASAP.

March, 2020:  Electrolysis for the remaining stubborn grey hairs on my beard, and about 1 or 2 that matter down there.

Whenever breast development becomes difficult to hide at work, come out at that job and see what happens.  Worst case, I find another place to work.  It is a temporary contract after all.  I expect this will be the case around May/June 2020?  Works for me as my apartment contract is up then anyways.

Anyone see any flaws in the plan?  Any steps I'm missing?  I don't plan to get the "X" changed to "F" unless I actually had full bottom surgery.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Having a structured plan is a good way to start. You may revisit and update the plan as you go. Social dynamic and family dynamic can really shift along the way.

HRT takes some getting used to as well.

Sounds like you have important bases covered !

Wishing you best of luck, Kirsten


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[shepd]

So your spouse knows about these plans and still wants another child? If so then that's really cool

She sure does!  She's been very supportive.  The only two things she's had issues with are me attempting a female voice (I'm terrible at it, makes her cringe, but she's getting used to it and helping) and she's worried that HRT will change my personality and interests.  I've assured her that that is typically not the case.

She's slightly worried about having a wife rather than a husband, but for her it's not really that big of a deal.  I think the only "dealbreaker" that I know of is that I keep the male member.  Personally, I don't see any reason to get full bottom surgery since I'm married to a woman and don't intend to change that.  To me it makes bedroom activities easier.  Or, at least, nobody has to learn anything new.    My gender issues seem to be less feeling bad that I'm male and more feeling way better as a female.  I've suffered depression most of my life and cross-dressing has really broken me out of that and helped me realize there's a piece of me that is incomplete, if that makes sense.

Overall I'm probably one of the luckiest trans people out there to keep my marriage intact.  But I've been completely open about all of this with her and, IMHO, that trust goes a long way.

[Battle Goddess]

Only thing sounds wildly unrealistic is expecting to have the energy to keep up with a toddler when you're over forty. Yikes!

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[LizK]

I think planning is really important and you have certainly thought about what you are doing. Keeping your spouse involved as you are will certainly help keep things intact. I wish you all the luck in the world. I agree wholeheartedly with being honest with your spouse about how things are going. Don't be surprised if you do find your interests and personality change in some way once you start HRT. Good luck and I hope you manage to fulfil your timeline

Liz

[pamelatransuk]

Hello Shepd and welcome to this wonderful website.

It is always wise to have a plan providing you are prepared to re-examine should some unforeseen events happen.

You appear to have all important aspects covered.

I assume you have not had any disputes with family or so-called friends; I am delighted that your wife is completely supportive.

The only point I would advise (as it applies to me and may not necessarily apply to you) is on Body Hair Removal. The duration of BHR for me is the other way round. I did not have very much body hair and therefore 6 Laser sessions was sufficient. However Electrolysis on face is ongoing and I expect it to take minimum of one year and even if finished then, it will be necessary to revisit the Electrolysis subsequently.

I wish you every success and happiness on your transition as a whole.

Hugs

Pamela   

[F_P_M]

Oh wow, reading " My gender issues seem to be less feeling bad that I'm male and more feeling way better as a female." sounds SO familiar.

I mean I don't feel that like "let me claw my skin off" about my female body, but I feel so... liberated and just more "me" presenting as male.
I've always said I was a male brain in a female body, just never realised that was bloody dysphoria because i'm dense.

It's always nice to know you aren't alone in not having the traditional traumatising dysphoria media seems to insist we all MUST have.

Good luck on TTC! It might be worth considering though how your transition might add to strain of having either a pregnant wife or a newborn to care for. Play it by ear and if it feels like it's just too much at once you can always delay things right? But i'd go into it knowing stuff can and will change and being flexible about your plan.
I've found in life that even the best laid plans invariably end up screwed over by life.
Life is a jerk.

It's so cool your wife is all good with this! I hope the reality proves to be such. My husband is currently okay but I admit, I do worry that the actual reality might be different. It worries me he might no longer find me as attractive.

Now laser, ooo laser. I had laser yeaaaars ago when I was convinced by my mother to try to remove my excess body hair (you know, to be more feminine blah blah blah). It hurt like hell, I remember that. Apparently I was an ideal candidate being alabaster white with very thick very DARK hair but honestly I didn't notice much change after 2 sessions and wussed out on more.
Just be prepared for it to take a LOT of sessions and not to see immediate results. I was led the believe it'd start to thin but honestly it takes quite a few sessions to even look like it's doing much. Be prepared for that.

I hope it goes well! You're a brave girl. Me? I'm a cowardly man who's umming and ahhing and fussing over everything because I can't just take a leap of faith. *headdesk*
I envy your clarity.

Good luck!

[Rachel]

Hi, having a plan and direction is awesome. I had a plan too. I kept changing the plan as time went by. I went from just wanting a minimum dose of HRT to full transition. I went from some procedures to name and gender marker change, expressing, FFS, hair, GCS and BA.

Long term lack of T will have an effect on erectile tissue. It will become painful to have an erection if you can achieve one.

Rachel