Hey friends,
I need some advice. I'm a gay transguy and my partner of 5 years has recently come out to me as gender fluid (80% girl and 20% guy). When we met we both bonded over our passion for sterotypically male activities such as hunting, fishing and camping.They know that the kind of men I'm attracted to are more masculine guys and they share that attraction. I've been trying to be supportive as they don't want to transition socially becaue they say their career is too established but they want me to call them female pronouns, wear makeup and female clothing at home.
I thought that I coukd do this but as soon as they put on "girl clothes" all they want to do is have sex. I'm very uncomfortable with this because I experienced sexual assault by a female when I was a kid and I have somehow linked certain aspects of femininity with that trauma. (I've been working on this in therapy for a long time) When I expressed my discomfort with my partner I was accused of being transphobic. They had a breakdown and threatened to kill themselves, I've tried to convince them to seek professional help but they will not. So I've kind of been gritting my teeth and pushing through the discomfort and constant sex.
I hate this, I have suggested breaking up, being in an open relationship, and every option is met with threats kf suicide. I own the home we live in and I would honestly not feel right about asking them to leave because I am worried that they would kill themselves. I feel like we could make this work if they would just be a little more compassionate about my feelings here.
To further complicate the situation they hinted that they have a secret twitter. I shouldn't have looked but I did, on this twitter they claim to be a MTF lesbian and have repeatedly claimed that I am a female. They even posted some pictures of my body pre-op that I sent to my surgeon before surgery, i am not identifiable in them but it certainly didn't feel good to see that. They seem to want to live out this lesbian fantasy and I'm so torn about what to do.
I know this is a lot, but does anybody have advice for me?