My HRT Journey

[LaRae]

Hello everybody!

Figured i good way of opening up to the community would be starting my own progress thread.

So I started on Estradiol & Spiro on 11/26 last year. I got them at my first appointment. (despite living in Middle-Of-Nowhere, AR I found an extremely progressive doctor). The very next day after taking them was a revelation. For the first time since 12, that feeling I loathed, the T rush, was gone. I'd described my experience with Testosterone to friends and family as "Feeling like there's this pissed Silverback Gorilla in my head trying to break out" Graphic & not very pleasant of a description, but it gets the point across.

My first day I internally felt better than I had since I was about 12 when puberty did a number on me...then came day 2, and a moth of what my boyfriend called "Riding the Dragon". When the Estradiol finally kicked in it took me for a hell of a ride. I was an emotional wreck for a month as my body adjusted.

Eventually I leveled out, and now I enjoy the way I feel, and hope I never hear from that damn gorilla again.   

Within the first week I'd grown sizable breast buds, and now, 5 months later, I'm pushing mid B-cups. I had some serious gynecomastia as a teen, which I think may have honestly turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as there was pleenty of space for them to fill in, lol. I've also grown about 2 pants sizes, and gained about 10 pounds. I'm both terrified and excited with all the changes I'm going through, and I can't wait to see where the next chapter takes me.

[jkredman]

LaRae

I'm not an official moderator but I will say welcome to the community.  (Somebody else will chime in with all the official doos & don'ts.)

Congrats on getting control of your gorilla!


I get no where AR as I currently live a little west of you in no where OK.  I also started HRT 5 months ago.

The highs are higher. The lows are lower. Emotions can be more intense.  Most importantly, yes, I've found peace with myself.

It takes a lot of courage to live where we live and accept ourselves.  So I just want to say good luck on your journey and keep in touch via the forum

Kate


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[AnneK]

Great to hear about your results.  I'm planning on starting HRT soon, with my endocrinologist appointment next week.

[LaRae]

Thanks for the welcomes everyone!

The highs are higher. The lows are lower. Emotions can be more intense.  Most importantly, yes, I've found peace with myself.

Oh absolutely, couldn't have said it better myself. The emotional impact has taken a lot of getting used to. I've noticed that the feelings are 'quicker', as well. Like, when I do get angry or sad, it both comes and passes so much quicker than before.

That's one of the things I'm loving about this process; I'm getting a firsthand experience at the differences biochemically between the sexes, and this side of the tracks is so, so much better, for me at least.

Then again there's is the question of did I ever truly feel like a male anyway (nope nope nope ), but that's a whole other can of worms.



Also, another struggle I've had, as I've been been on this journey, is that I don't have an energy/id/sense of self, whatever you'd like to call it, that matches societal ideas of 'how a woman should be', especially a trans one. I'm much more of a tomboy. I love Metal, cars/machines, leather jackets, etc, and my sense of style is a bit more androgynous. It's part of why it took me til my late 20's to be honest with myself. "I can't be trans, I don't even like pink!" I felt that I was somehow not legit because of it.

It sounds completely ridiculous now, but that's the mental trap I fell into. Even before I joined, this site helped me out with that, as I found a topic with several ladies speaking about their experiences being more of a tomboy.

It was also a massive help that my mother is an extremely independent pansexual with a very androgynous style of her own. Growing up with that showed me it was ok to just be myself, and that there are no walls but those we create for ourselves.

[LaRae]

Well, I do believe I'm hitting a sort of 'phase 2' of my transition. Breasts just started hurting something fierce again, and getting firmer, plus leakage. Waist has also come uin noticeably recently.


Is this how it usually goes, in spurts? I mean, it makes sense, but still, I'm curious.

[Astxl]

I'm the only in here that when I started with estradiol i didn't gained or lose weight?

Taking into account that I started with estrogen at 14 lol.

[LaRae]

Taking into account that I started with estrogen at 14 lol.

God, I wish. Maybe then I wouldn't be so huge lol. (I'm about 6'3)

And yeah, I definitely packed them on. But I just talked to my doc today, and she said I should come down soon. I can't wait.


I've also had the great experience the last week or so of helping guide a friend, who is just starting to seriously transition, through the process of getting her HRT, and through the first stages of it. The first week is always the worst. It makes me feel good to be able to be there for her.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello LaRae

Congratulations on starting HRT November 26th and for making such good progress in 5 months.

I note you have seen both physical and emotional benefits.

It has surprised me also that our moods (sad, angry, happy, wishing to cry, wishing to laugh etc) change at a faster pace. Obviously I prefer this side of the tracks aswell.

I assume you had your Blood Tests for E&T after 3/4 months and you may wish to list them on this thread. As you know we cannot specify dosage of medication but we can list BT readings. If you prefer not to list your BT results, then I understand of course.

May I thank you for guiding a newcomer to and on the transition journey also.

I wish you continued happiness and success on your transition journey.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[LaRae]

Well that's thwe thing. I was wondering when my next appointment would be, as I haven't been seen since late-January. I called the office and got ahold of my doctor, and it turns out there must've been some error, as I didn't have an appointment scheduled!

Thankfully, we got it straightened out, and my next appointment is in 2 weeks, blood work should get done then.

[jkredman]

It has surprised me also that our moods (sad, angry, happy, wishing to cry, wishing to laugh etc) change at a faster pace. Obviously I prefer this side of the tracks aswell.

I assume you had your Blood Tests for E&T after 3/4 months and you may wish to list them on this thread. As you know we cannot specify dosage of medication but we can list BT readings. If you prefer not to list your BT results, then I understand of course.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

At 3 months:

T = 19
E = 61

Hey we're finally going through our Puberty!




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[pamelatransuk]

Thank you Kate for your 3 months BT results.

If you both have no objection, I shall add both of you and your BT results to my "12/13 Month Comparison" table here on HRT Board as it incorporates BT results after 3/4 6/7 9/10 and 12/13 months.

Wishing you both a Happy Easter.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[jkredman]

Pamela

I have no objections.


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[pamelatransuk]

Thank you Kate and I have copied accordingly.

Hugs

Pamela

[LaRae]

So I'm interested to know, flat-out, what you ladies think about this: could I pass (or, as I prefer to say, present as female)?


I'm extremely self-conscious about my appearance atm. One thing my pic doesn't show is I'm more than 6' tall (6'3 to be exact), and I still feel I'm way too masculine to feel comfortable being out in public. I feel like I've hit some strange transition-purgatory where I'm too far along to present as a male, but not far enough to just be fully out. It's a mental roadblock that I'm having trouble with. Logically, I know this is ridiculous, but emotion doesn't follow logic, as we all know, lol.

So, with full unadulterated honesty, what do you think?

[LaRae]

Also, I do believe that with my latest 'growth spurt' my metabolism's finally starting to kick back in. I just weighed myself for the first time in a week, & I've lost 5 pounds without changing anything in my routine.

[LaRae]

Update: 6 months in! Whee!



Have made it through a pretty dark period the last few weeks, personal setbacks,etc. But everything seems to be on the up now.

Never did get that appointment, as a big part of that dark period was losing my job, & I didn't have the money for gas to get to the Dr's office (Which is about 80-90 miles away). Really hoping to get that done soon.


As far as body, I've regained those 11 pounds with interest BUT, it does seem to be shifting south below the waist line. Breasts have grown again. Btw, has anybody else had the experience of them getting itchy? They've been driving me nuts lately!

Trying to get motivated to start working out again, as I used to be quite slim, & I feel that that physique, plus what I've gained through the HRT, would be absolutely perfect. I would be content with that.

A couple pre-transition pics:




Body fat % was in the single digits, Running & playing volleyball constantly. I was rocking that biracial tan, too.

If I could just get back there, I'd be so happy. I felt prettier then than at any other time in my life.