Being comfortable in our own skin

[KimOct]

The title makes it sound easy.  It is not. It took me 3 years to get here.  Sit back kids as I take you on a journey. (stolen from Eminem - I am so hip  )

So I was walking through the concourse at work today.  About 4000 people work in the complex.  I get looks here and there.  I think some are curious, others judgmental and others are supportive - such as - you go girl.

Anyway as I was walking along with my new hairdo I was feeling good about myself and then I chuckled.  I remember the days not so many years ago that I was panicked if I noticed a tiny fleck of nail polish on a nail that I had missed when removing it.  Or a hint of eyeliner I hadn't fully removed.  That was when I was still in the closet.

And now here I am bopping along fully presenting as a transwoman and not being embarrassed at all.

How did I get here? (Talking Heads stolen lyric  )

Well I remember a day almost 3 years ago.  I had met some other trans friends on a different website.  They formed a closed Facebook group of 10 people.  Then they invited me to join.  I was by far the earliest in my transition.  I was so excited - the cool kids had invited me to eat lunch with them   

They planned a trip to a trans event in California and invited me to join.  I was not full time yet.  So I went and was determined to spend the entire trip including the plane flight presenting as female.  They couldn't believe I had the guts and neither could I.  My ID was still male - I didn't even come close to passing and I was scared out of my mind.

The flight was fine.  Everyone in the airport was nice except one TSA agent was a little snarky but no big deal.

Anyway back to how I got here.  One of the friends picked me up at baggage out front in her car.  We had never met but had swapped pics.  She was fully transitioned and I got in the car and she was very friendly.  We had a 90 minute ride to our destination.

What struck me as we talked was how comfortable she was in her own skin.  I was absolutely freaking out but trying to play it cool and to her it was just another day out and about.  We arrived and I had an amazing weekend with new friends but here is the point (finally LOL )

During that ride I thought "I hope I can be like her someday" just out living my life.  Feeling like this is all natural.

It took time.  It took scary trips out in public.  It took getting used to the stares.  It took guts.  I am proud of that.

But eventually it happened.  Not overnight but over time.

I am finally comfortable in my own skin.  And you can be too.

[Zoey421]

Kim, your stories show all of us beginning our own transition that it doesn't happen overnight, it requires perseverance and a commitment to knowing what you need, and believing in yourself that what we are doing is the best and correct way forward.

Thank you for sharing.

Hugs Zoe xoxoxo

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[KimOct]

Hey Zoey !!!!  As I told you before you have it so together for someone so early in transition.  For anyone that hasn't read Zoey's story it is still in the introductions thread.  A great read for those that are early in transition.

It really doesn't need to be as hard as many of us make it. ( Including me  )  My story is for those that are struggling as I did.  To find how a no fear woman does it read Zoey's story.

Good to see you. 

[KristySims]

Gosh, that's an awesome story. I hope someday I will be there. I recently went to Vegas last week (just a vacation with my girlfriend) and I contemplating on presenting at the airport but chickened out! I am so insecure. I am constantly worried about not blending in. But you are truly an inspiration!!

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[KristySims]

Meant to add this in the last post from Vegas.... First time going as the real me!!  rrrrrr... Except at the airport LOL

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[Zoey421]

Hey Zoey !!!!  As I told you before you have it so together for someone so early in transition.  For anyone that hasn't read Zoey's story it is still in the introductions thread.  A great read for those that are early in transition.

It really doesn't need to be as hard as many of us make it. ( Including me  )  My story is for those that are struggling as I did.  To find how a no fear woman does it read Zoey's story.

Good to see you. 

Hi Kim, you are far too, too kind. I have learned so much from you and others here st Susan's Place.

I have made my share of mistakes but believe in me and what I need to do to  e happy

I recently agreed to allow my ex to follow me on Instagram (zoeycatherine2018). I found out she did this at the urging from my 15y daughter. My daughter told her mom that "dad is really happy and relaxed". I smiled when I heard that; one of the two most important people in my life sees the changes.

To everyone, when you find who you are, hold on tight and never let go!

Hugs Zoey

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[CynthiaAnn]

Meant to add this in the last post from Vegas.... First time going as the real me!!  rrrrrr... Except at the airport LOL

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Congratulations on reaching "comfortable in your own skin" and living out your life as most comfortable Kim, it's what we all aspire to, very happy for you.

And these 2 lovely ladies in Las Vegas picture above how sweet, congrats on being out, I bet that felt great !

Cynthia -

[Linde]

Hi Kim
I can hardly wait to meet you in person this summer. I am really looking forward to this.  Maybe you can introduce me to the trans scene in the Cities.  When I was living there, I did not even know I would ever be a woman!
This will be an all new Tein Cities experience for me! Close to 40 years as a guy, and now as a woman!

[itsApril]

How did I get here? (Talking Heads stolen lyric  )

And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
HOW DID I GET HERE?

[Bea1968]

Awesome story, inspiring even!

The idea of presenting as female in public scares me to no end.  The notion of going full time is a daunting one for sure.  I am glad that you could share that. Thank you.

Bea

[KimOct]

Awesome story, inspiring even!

The idea of presenting as female in public scares me to no end.  The notion of going full time is a daunting one for sure.  I am glad that you could share that. Thank you.

Bea

OK I need to reply to almost all of these with a quote - sorry about website space. 

Bea Believe me you are no more scared than I was.  I was terrified.  When I went to the airport that day I could hardly breathe.  It was fine.  We make this stuff all up in our heads because we have been conditioned to think there is something wrong with us.  Once again, read my signature line.

[KimOct]

Hi Kim
I can hardly wait to meet you in person this summer. I am really looking forward to this.  Maybe you can introduce me to the trans scene in the Cities.  When I was living there, I did not even know I would ever be a woman!
This will be an all new Tein Cities experience for me! Close to 40 years as a guy, and now as a woman!

We are on Linde, beside going out ourselves I will bring you to our group in Uptown.  It's not really a support group it is just a group that talks about trans topics and then goes out afterwards.  Looking forward to seeing you.

[KimOct]

And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
HOW DID I GET HERE?

LOVE IT !!!
Another song lyric that describes this journey is the Grateful Dead "Truckin"  What a long strange trip it's been.

[KimOct]

Meant to add this in the last post from Vegas.... First time going as the real me!!  rrrrrr... Except at the airport LOL

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You two are both STUNNING.  Yep next time go to the airport.  You will get plenty of stares...... Good ones !!! Like who is the hottie !!

[Linde]

We are on Linde, beside going out ourselves I will bring you to our group in Uptown.  It's not really a support group it is just a group that talks about trans topics and then goes out afterwards.  Looking forward to seeing you.

I am looking forward to the going out afterwards part.  I have not really gone out in a big city for many years!  And I like it if the city is one I know pretty well!  But it would also be nice to meet other trans people. 
I always have the feeling I am the only trans person in this here about 120,000 people large village!

[Allie Jayne]

Inspiring. I am comfortable in my own skin, but I fear it makes other people uncomfortable. My change is for me, but also to make it easier for others to accept me. If I didn't need that acceptance I would be out now, but I care too much about others. Maybe one day I can be as brave as Kim, but, not today!

Allie

[KimOct]

Allie, What others thought is why I didn't come out for 55 years.  It is the ONLY reason.  I was afraid of what others thought.  What I have finally learned the real problem is that I thought I had something to be embarrassed about and therefore thought others would think it about me.

Now I know that if others think poorly of me it is their problem not mine.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I was born transgender.  What is wrong with them is either prejudice, lack of understanding or unfamiliarity.

And surprisingly most people are fine with us.  The fear is so much worse than the reality.  Transitioning is one of those things in life that you just have to rip the bandage off.

It starts by going out in public and dealing with the fear.  I am not going to lie to you.  It was very scary for me at first but it gets easier and easier.

PS Allie Zero disrespect intended.  I am sure you feel OK about yourself.  To me the phrase comfortable in your own skin means that you don't fear what others think.  That you know you are OK and it doesn't matter what they think.

I was never ashamed of who I was but I was afraid of what others would think.  I no longer am afraid.  To me that is being comfortable in my own skin.  I don't need the approval of others regarding my gender.

[Allie Jayne]

Kim, I took no disrespect, and I understand where you are coming from. I have this thing where I can only be upset by people I respect, so general public comments wouldn't worry me. I do, however, cherish my family, and know that they can be hurt by the comments of others. My daughter only yesterday told me she thought of me as a woman, but I fear she would be upset by comments from her narrow minded in laws. I'm nowhere near passable, with a very large upper body and small bottom, and I'm hoping muscle loss and fat redistribution will even me out a bit, and help others accept the true me. My wife is also terrified someone will see me as myself at home. It honestly wouldn't worry me, but I will not threaten our relationship by her embarrassment, whether justified or not. So, more for consideration of loved ones than fear of public comments, my female appearance is restricted to home. I work in a mostly female workplace, and all the women have accepted me as one of them, despite my male apearance, so I suppose I mostly live as my true self!

Allie