Abrupt Loss of Spirituality Post-Op?

[Rose City Rose]

I had GRS on the 3rd and on the whole it has been a positive for my life. However it had an unexpected effect.

I had a very well-developed system of beliefs that were kind of similar to gnostic Christianity (a belief that the soul is part of the divine and that the temporal world is an illusion) up until my surgery but in the weeks following, my beliefs have rapidly vanished until I find myself completely unmoved by anything spiritual at all.

Now I feel completely agnostic. I feel almost as if my beliefs in being a soul not of this world, trapped in an illusory body and existence, were reinforced by or even stemmed from a form of dissociation. But now that I've had my surgery the dissociation is gone and so is any connection I had to thoughts of a divine aspect to the soul or notions of the universe being a prison.

To make things worse, my beliefs and the mystical experiences that led to them were a major source of inspiration for my writing, a major source of direction in my life, and were so powerful I was even studying to become clergy in a gnostic church. Now everything before my surgery just feels like a weird dream or a drug trip and none of that feels at all real or relatable.

Has anyone had this happen? Have your beliefs shifted rapidly after treatment and left you reeling because your foundations and aspirations for the future were swept out from under you? How did you reorient your life?

[Lisa89125]

Hi, I've been struggling with feelings of "I really shouldn't be doing this to myself. God is going to be very angry with me for changing the way he made me." type thoughts for a while now. I just can't quite shake it off either. Maybe it's the fear of the unknown consequences of my actions in the eyes of our lord that is playing havoc with me right now.

Lisa

[HappyMoni]

Hey Rose,
   I think the time after GCS is a time where things get unsettled for a while. It's like "I need this, I want this! I can't wait." Life is on hold holding your breath until it happens and all of a sudden, it's done. It is normal for a little whiplash. Give it some time.
   My other answer means no offense, but it comes from my atheistic point of view. I think that when you are powerless to have the body your are supposed to have, it is a total lack of control to deal with. Looking at some higher power could possibly be a way to cope with this. Once the surgery is done, that need might not be as strong. I don't think we can force ourselves to believe in a certain religious viewpoint. Either we believe or we don't. Some people hear atheist or agnostic and jump to 'sinner' or 'bad person.' Actually, no, it is just not logical for some to be religious. Give yourself time to settle out, figure out what makes sense, and be happy with it. It's more important to just be a good person, I think.