Re: The Stephanie Chronicles 2.0

[steph2.0]

Well, you can count me as one who occasionally reads your thread Stephanie. Have a dark chocolate (((hug))).

Mmmmmm! All better!

Being invalidated so abruptly by my bank (USAA no less) caught me so off guard that it sent me back into darkness. So far down that I considered resolving that issue, and all other issues, permanently. It took a few days for me to climb back out of that pit and call. I told them that I was Jessica and I could not sign any document as anyone other than Jessica. I still don't know what is going to happen about my car, but I do know that I plan to be around for a long time. I won't let 'them' win, even if it means moving all of my accounts to another bank.

Nobody who hasn't gone through this can possibly understand just how deeply these feelings go. To them its just an exercise in legalities, emotions be damned. they don't give it a second thought as we melt down.

Interesting that you're having trouble with USAA. I have auto insurance and credit and debit cards with them, and went through the name change stuff by sending the court order and drivers license. It all seemed to go well, until yesterday when I went into my online profile and saw first, my old driver license number was still in there (apparently one number indicates gender), and... while the name and everything else was correct, gender still said Male. The only way to fix it was to call.

I put on my best voice, but was continually called sir and mister until I interrupted and explained that this was what I was calling about. He immediately and repeatedly apologized, changed the marker, and used the correct pronouns for the rest of the call. Apparently it doesn't matter what the voice sounds like, they use the pronouns matching their records.It didn't help that we had a bad phone connection so it took a while to get the idea across. In any case, all is correct now, and I didn't even have to out myself to get it fixed. I just informed them that my records were incorrect, with no explanation.

We don't have an easy road ahead, but it is much better than the road we travelled down in the past. Things will get better, but we must have patience. I know how hard that can be. We have been fighting all of our lives to figure out who we are and become our true selves, and now that we figured it out we want it fixed now! Our time will come one day soon, and we will realize all the pain was worth it.

You already know this, as do most of us. We just have to allow ourselves to truly believe it.

'Aviation is proof that given the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible.' -- Eddie Rickenbacker

"If God had intended for humans to fly, he would have given us more money."



Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Steph, I do wish there was a way to just drop things 'spur of the moment' and meet with you to chat, shop, share a glare at your neighbors. Our distance apart is just far enough that it requires pre-planning.

Yes, sadly. And we do need to do some of that planning. Not until I get back from Spain, though. Three weeks from today they'll be slicing and dicing my face, and there is much to do before then.

As for people to call 'out of the blue' for a get-together. I've got Lori, always had Lori, there is no one else. Pre-Faith or Post. I'm not trying to sound facetious or claim to be 'sorrier than you', I am simply stating that you are one step above some of us in many ways. Look to that when you get down, count what you have. Based on all that I've read in your thread, you have many more positives then the negatives. Rejoice in them.

You're right, of course. But many of those people fall into the "acquaintance" category, I suspect very much like your music friends. I can count the number of people who would surprise me with an invitation to go shopping, or get our nails or brows done, or any other girly things, on one finger. And she has ciswomen friends who will do that for her! I think that's the coolest thing, and am so happy for her, but there's not a single ciswoman who would ever call to include me in such things.

Your long'ish-distance friend.
Faith

ps

I feel a disturbance in the Force... Mmmmmmmm...



Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Stephanie, I am sorry that you have to go through all this crap.  Yes, it sucks to have to correct people.  It sucks when their precious little snowflake egos melt under the need for politeness and you have to deal with the drips.  And it sucks to have your friends too far away to hug.

I try not to belittle people the way they choose to do to me, but really, who's being oversensitive here? I am being dinged by neighbor number one for an event that happened almost literally a year ago. I get no credit for my evolution, and they shrug off any recognition I try to give them for actually getting it right occasionally. It doesn't fit their internal narrative about how fragile I am.

The best I can do is a virtual hug, but you are welcome to it:
(((((((((( Stephanie ))))))))))

Nothing warmer than a Canadian hug!

To me, that reads as, "My redneck friends are giving me grief for still being your friend, and I'd rather keep them than you."  Ouch!!

The thing I used to like about this close-knit neighborhood is that there were no cliques. With our common interest, we were happy to hang out together despite our differences. Now it appears that I've become the catalyst for divisiveness, simply for trying to be me. They have decided to cast me as the villain, and there's nothing I can do about it. I try to stay civil and cordial, but they're the ones separating themselves from me. I mourn the old cohesiveness, but apparently it was pretty fragile to begin with. I will not make concessions concerning my very being to keep them from being uncomfortable.

Have another (((HUG)))!

Mmmmmm. It's like pulling on a warm toque!



Stephanie

[steph2.0]

People have been known to just drop in (on either coast) but yeah that doesn't happen often enough.

Yes they do! I wonder whether that behavior should be curtailed, to avoid intense shocks to the system. BREATHE!

Don't anybody say anything, but someone I know is going to be in Paris soon, and I think I'm going to surprise her!

I wish I was there right now to give ya a hug.  I read all of many threads here without commenting on everything, and quite a bit of what I read affects me and causes me to stop and think.  But we can still wonder if we are talking into an empty space.  Take a glance at the number of page views and you'll see the ratio of reading to writing is 20 to 1.  Your words have a huge impact on many.  And when we write, we help ourselves by thinking and processing and reflecting.

That has become my attitude. Even if no one reads my blabbering, it's a record for myself. If the quiet folks get something out of it, even better. And of course, when my friends reply, it's the best!

Some of your neighbors are awesome, but some are dimwits and may temporarily infect a few others.  That is short term - not just the way the storm cloud hit you, but one idiot neighbor's impact on other neighbors.  The good ones will come around.  Also consider time marches on and your rather fast transition still has some heads spinning and I better stop it before starting any GCS puns.

Well, hopefully the temporary infections will cure themselves before I throw in the towel and move somewhere that people are more friendly. Some place where they didn't know that old person who no longer exists.

Has it really been that fast? It seems like forever, but I guess my original timeline was for three years or so.

Well, go ahead and bank those hugs. A little bird tells me you will be able to deliver them in France...



Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Lets have dinner one night Stephanie. I can certainly relate to your post. I guess the best thing we can do is to embrace the bumps and bangs and hammer throws and look upon them as strong character building events that keep us humble.

They have educational value, although difficult to see or understand at times. It's painful to see the same thing in my community that at one time I was close to everyone until I came out. Like you, it is my overly religious elderly next door neighbor that has even become malicious and vindictive towards me.

It can be very lonely around here at times, especially being single, but I have you and the rest of Susan's folks and support groups to turn to when things get bad. I would love to have dinner with you, your wife and Cassie. I got the first round too.

Big hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

Well, if the flames chase you too far East, you know where you have friends.

Character building, eh? Aren't I already enough of a character?

I'm sorry you're having problems with your neighbor, too. I'll only comment that his religion obviously dictates that he have a love/hate relationship with you. Apparently he loves to hate you. Amen.

Well, when you get to this part of the globe, I will be happy to use that free first round to toast you!


Stephanie

[Donica]

I think the smoke around here has put my brain in low gear or something, or perhaps I'm just using that as an excuse. It seem that someone or something is trying desperately to burn California down.

Yes, you are a character for sure . Just one of the many things I love about you Steph.

She does love to hate me. You know the type, "I read the bible! I know everything!", interrupting every thing I say with defensive disagreement.

What I meant to say was the dinner is on me and of course, I got the first round of toast too. Maybe next year I can visit the east coast. My grandmother lived in Clearwater for a while and then moved to Tampa. I've always wanted to see the fake gator my grandmother wrestled with. Great picture!

Hugs,
Donica.

[steph2.0]

Tonight was trivia night. But it wasn't trivial. So much was packed into two hours...

We got there 1/2 hour early. I was wearing some new leggings, a tunic top, and necklace, bracelets, earrings, and ring made from shiny multicolor stones. Within seconds of going into the restaurant I was complimented by a waitress on my necklace. At the table the waitress asked, "What can I get you ladies?" That's a pretty good start.

My friend S joined us first. She's our team leader and knows my whole story, is warmly supportive, and never deadnames or misgenders me. Then C and her husband J showed up. I didn't know if they knew my story or not. Finally, after the first round of questions, B showed up.

B knows my history, had met me in the before times, and while he manages to get the name right, he still has problems with pronouns. We get along fine, and generally he's a good guy, but, well, he's a guy. I almost always have the most trouble with guys. Tonight he demonstrated it again. He was at the far end of the table and I was sitting next to him. He was feeling jovial, looked at me and said, "And how are you doing tonight Mister MISSUS Steph?" I noticed he was sweating around his temples and eyes, so I'm pretty sure he was embarrassed. I told him it was okay, I'm an adult. S picked right up on it and dug at B with, "See? She's an adult. That means you're not!" We got a laugh out of that. Thank you S!! I don't think that C or J heard any of it.

About halfway through the game, I went to the ladies room. And the most amazingly affirming thing happened. The waitress who had complimented me on my necklace was cleaning up and said hello, with no strangeness. No big deal. But then the unexpected happened. When I left my stall, a frail looking older woman came out of another. She seemed to have Parkinson's because her hands were shaking very badly. And she asked if I could help with the button and zipper on her shorts since she couldn't do it. I pulled up her zipper and guided her as she finally got the top button. She thanked me with a smile and I held the door for her as we left. WOW! That has to be counted as a total pass.

Back to the table. Round after round we did, not perfectly, but well enough to stay toward the top. And surprisingly, we ended up winning the game! Some folks from other teams stopped by our table to congratulate us, and I joined in the banter with them. The prize is a picture with a ridiculous wrestling style belt, bragging rights, and a $40 gift card for the restaurant.


Sue (Dragon Lady) J, C, S, B, and some cutie who I've gotten to know over the last year.

Back to the restroom (thanks, spiro). The waitress was back in there again, this time waiting for a stall. She said, "You go first ma'am. I'll wait for the next one." When I asked if she was sure, she said, "Yes, I'll wait for just one, but the next lady has to wait for me." All we ladies cracked up at that.

Outside, I had another nice talk with S. We talked about my upcoming trip to Spain, developments as I pursue GCS, and the one topic on both of our minds: The trans girl who was waitressing inside. I'd noticed her last week, and it's one of those situations where you want to acknowledge her, but etiquette forces you to keep quiet. Again this week I watched her as she waited tables and took care of customers with a smile on her face. I was so proud of her I wanted to give her a big hug. But of course, any kind of sign that you've clocked a sister could have bad consequences for her. So I kept quiet.

S had also noticed her, and when she leaned over the table and asked, "how did she get those boobs? I mean, they're not inflatable or something are they?" I smiled and said, "The same way I'm getting them!" Her eyebrows hit the ceiling. "The hormones do that?!" I answered with a smirk, "Ohhh, yeah!"

Outside, I did a little educating about HRT, including my recent graduation from 36a to 36b bras, and she was impressed.

The last thing I learned from S was that C and J genuinely have no idea about me. They only know Steph. C has done some traveling and asked about where I was going on my upcoming European trip, but thankfully didn't ask why I was going. I don't have a good explanation for that yet that won't out me.

I got a big hug from S, and we were on our way home. What a night!


Stephanie

[Rayna]

Sounds like a great night. I'm glad it went so well, with little drama.

I too wish there was a way to acknowledge other trans people without outing them. There's an apparent trans woman who works at a local establishment. She evidently clocked me last time I was there (seemed very interested in me) but I was too shy to do anything but smile and flee. I need to try again some time and start a conversation.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

[steph2.0]

Sounds like a great night. I'm glad it went so well, with little drama.

I too wish there was a way to acknowledge other trans people without outing them. There's an apparent trans woman who works at a local establishment. She evidently clocked me last time I was there (seemed very interested in me) but I was too shy to do anything but smile and flee. I need to try again some time and start a conversation.

Yeah, it's a tricky thing to broach. @sassycassie and I talked about how we might go about it, and the best we could come up with was to go to the restaurant, request a table in her area, wear our T-Network t-shirts, and discuss things like HRT, FFS, and GCS within earshot. Maybe drop names like Marci Bowers or something. But don't ask outright. Worse case, we get a meal.

Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

SOunds like a great night out with the ladies, Stephanie!

C has done some traveling and asked about where I was going on my upcoming European trip, but thankfully didn't ask why I was going. I don't have a good explanation for that yet that won't out me.

You are going for a facelift, like thousands of other ladies do!  Even your surgeon said so. 

[steph2.0]

Hi All,

As I'm sure most of you know, I'm going to FacialTeam in Spain in two weeks for FFS. I wanted to chronicle the process, but this didn't seem like the right thread to put it in, so I started a new one in the FFS forum. I'll still write about the social part of it (which is turning out to be pretty cool!) here, but the more nuts and bolts stuff is in the other place. If you're at all interested, you can find it here.

Enjoy!

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

You are going for a facelift, like thousands of other ladies do!  Even your surgeon said so. 

Perfect.

"I'm going for a facelift in a beautiful resort city in southern Spain. Jealous, aren't you? Ouch! Hey, Kathy told me to say it!!"

[steph2.0]

Now, about the social aspect of going to FacialTeam...

I had been planning to go alone, doing it as inexpensively as possible by flying directly to Malaga, Spain, spending as little time as possible there, and flying directly back. It would be lonely, but my whole world was as close as my phone or tablet, so I'd get by. I had mentioned to @Kendra that it would be cool if we ended up there at the same time, but her plans didn't fit. I'd be fine.

Then, I got a text from Kendra. She'd changed her mind, and decided it would be fun to meet me there. Texts and emails started flying back and forth, and after a couple of weeks an amazingly epic plan jelled.

We are both flying into Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris on November 28th. We'll be arriving within 1/2 hour of each other. From there we're checking into an AirBNB in the 1st Arrondissement of Paris (essentially right in the middle of town), and will enjoy two days of touring that quaint little burg. From there we're catching a flight to Madrid, where we have another AirBNB, and will spend a full day enjoying that town. Then we're taking a train south to Marbella, where we'll check into the Gran Hotel Guadalpin Banus resort hotel, right on the Mediterranean. That'll be my home for the next two weeks, except for the day and night I'll spend in the hospital on December 4th. Kendra will skedaddle home after helping me out during the first couple of days of my recovery, and I'll fly back to Paris on the 14th. I'll enjoy one more day there, then fly home on the 16th.

The incredible thing for me is that flying to Paris and Madrid, taking the train to Marbella, flying back to Paris, and returning home from there, is just over half the price of flying directly to Malaga. The round-trip ticket to Paris alone is only $391. I'm having a whole lot more adventure and actually saving money. I have never been to Europe, and wondered whether I ever would. And I get to pal around with Kendra as she acts as my tour guide. This is going to be a blast!

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

There are many dates of deep importance to me:

6/21/17: Started HRT.
10/13/17: Outed myself to the world on FaceBook.
12/7/2017: Got my name changed.
12/4/2018: FFS at FacialTeam.

And now something that I've been pursuing for a long time, and didn't feel like talking about because so much was unsure. I have a new date to add to that list:

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

[Jessica_Rose]

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

I don't think this can be overstated - SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE indeed!

I am so happy for you Steph! It is truly a giant leap, and not everyone feels the need to take it, but for some of us it is the only way to become who we were meant to be.

[KathyLauren]

Wow!  Playing tourist with a gal pal at half the price ... getting your FFS ... having a date for GRS...  I think that calls for a Squeeesplosion™!!

[steph2.0]

Wow!  Playing tourist with a gal pal at half the price ... getting your FFS ... having a date for GRS...  I think that calls for a Squeeesplosion[emoji769]!!

BOOM! SQUEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[davina61]

DOUBLE SQUEEESPLOSION tm,

[Donica]

Oooohhhmmmyyygggoooddd Stephanie!!! Get out! Dr. Marci Bowers? <<<DOUBLEDITTOSQUEEESPLOSIONHAPPIENESS>>> Oh girl, I'm so happy for you!!! Congratulations!!! Pictures please of your trip through Europe. I bookmarker your nuts and bolts FFS thread. And congratulations on your trivia night success too.


BIG HUGS STEPH!!!
Donica.

[Jennifer M]

There are many dates of deep importance to me:

6/21/17: Started HRT.
10/13/17: Outed myself to the world on FaceBook.
12/7/2017: Got my name changed.
12/4/2018: FFS at FacialTeam.

And now something that I've been pursuing for a long time, and didn't feel like talking about because so much was unsure. I have a new date to add to that list:

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

That's wonderful! Congratulations!

(And I enjoy the "Girl Harbor Day" line in your sig for another significant date!)