"I'm creating this thread to avoid derailing another discussion and to have a space for a flow of consciousness as I explore my gender and sexuality. I've introduced myself in another thread, which can be found here: [
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,182328.80.html].
In this new space, I want to dive deeper into my thoughts and experiences. I'm aware my posts might be lengthy, and I'm still learning the forum rules. Please guide me if I inadvertently breach any boundaries.
I am a 21-year-old male college student in trans-friendly California, living with my elderly parents. Previously, I've told them I wasn't interested in transgender issues, mainly because I felt technology hadn't advanced enough for a fully functional transition, which I thought was necessary to continue our family lineage. I hadn't considered options like sperm freezing.
In truth, I've always resonated with a socially feminine role, despite my interest in typically male activities. Since pre-puberty, I've envied the clothing options available to females, particularly swimsuits and tight sports attire. I've been uncomfortable with my male genitalia, wishing I could be a girl. However, the perceived limitations of transition technology made me settle for being a straight male.
My perspective shifted after talking to someone who underwent a full transition, including vaginoplasty. Their experience resonated with me, highlighting that my primary source of dysphoria is my genitals. This discussion made me more open to considering a low dose of estrogen post-surgery to shape my body, although I'm aware my genetics might limit how close I can get to my ideal body image. I'm open to some feminine physical changes, but I'm concerned about how they might affect my ability to pass as male.
This introspection led me to identify as bi-gender genderfluid. I envision presenting as a softly masculine individual to my parents and as a feminine, bisexual male professionally. In my personal life, I'd like to express myself as a feminine, athletic woman, adjusting my presentation based on social settings. In romantic situations, my presentation would depend on how I first meet someone, with a willingness to adapt based on their interest.
A challenge for me is maintaining a clear gender presentation to avoid being perceived as androgynous, which I've previously found uncomfortable. I'm also hesitant to change my distinctly male name until I feel society and my parents are more accepting.
In the long term, I might return to a more masculine presentation, especially as I age. I'm curious if anyone has had similar experiences and can offer advice.
I don't plan to start transitioning immediately. I want to finish college and establish my career first, around age 25. I'm financially prepared for the transition, with vaginoplasty as the first step to address my genital dysphoria. I'll consult doctors and consider sperm freezing before proceeding. While my parents might initially struggle with my transition, I believe they'll eventually be supportive.
I'd like feedback on this transition plan and any additional considerations I should be aware of. Thanks to everyone here and elsewhere who has helped me understand what I want for my own comfort and happiness. I'm particularly excited about the prospect of wearing leggings and other tight clothing more comfortably post-transition."