Today in Australia we celebrated Mothers Day, when those lucky enough to have their mother still with them, show their appreciation and love. Like other special days do for other people, Mothers Day makes me sad. My mother passed some 20 years ago, and though I can't see her and thank her, I do think of her. The main reason I get sad is that I really wanted to be a mother. This was denied me as I was born male. Many cis women are also denied motherhood, but I feel I paid the price. My first wife left me with 3 year old and 5 year old children. I was totally committed to them, and raised them to adults by myself. Yep, up all night with a sick child, washing, reading stories, washing, cooking, washing, doing birthday parties, lots of cleaning and washing, running them to kinder, school, sports and activities. The whole parenting thing while my ex sat back and watched. It wasn't a chore, actually it was tiring and joyful as I was living the role I was born for, albeit presenting as a male.
So each year, my children take their children to celebrate mothers day with my ex. There are lots of things in my life which aren't fair, but for me, this one stands out. I loved raising my kids, and I'm proud of who they've become, giving me a great deal of pride and satisfaction, but I'm not proud of being jealous of my ex. Don't think that this greatly affects me, but just for this day each year, I get a little sad.
Allie
