Hi everyone! This is my first post here. This is my story and what brought me here, in case anyone is interested...
I'm from Western Europe and I'm in my early 20s. I was born in the late nineties, as a boy, and I was considered
effeminate ever since I was little, to the point of my dad calling me a ->-bleeped-<-got in the first video they recorded of me
... When I was two years old my parents took me to a psychologist because they thought I was way too feminine, but I dont' remember that psychologist's appointment.
My best friend as a child was the girl-next-door and I loved to play with her Barbie dolls. Her mom was OK with it but her dad used to stare at me in shock.
I realized I was attracted to men in my early puberty. I think I was around 12 years old... It wasn't a surprise, and I never had any self-esteem problems because of that. I was worried I would be rejected by others, but I was never worried about rejecting myself. I never thought there was anything wrong with me. Back then I thought I was a gay boy.
As I grew older, my fear of being rejected diminished and I started acting in a very feminine way. My best friend at high school told me I should transition into a girl when I told her at age 16 I didn't like going shopping because I only liked girls clothes.
I investigated about transgender girls on the Internet thanks to a video I saw of Kim Petras. I was fascinated. My instant reaction was
I'm interested in this. I started watching transgender girls on Youtube.
At age nineteen I stopped self-identifying as a gay boy. I don't exactly know what I self-identify as. I don't want to go through hormones or surgery, but I don't wanna be seen as male either. To be honest I like to be seen as an extremely feminine boy, a transgender person, a crossdresser, a gender-neutral person... Anything but a regular male.
A year ago I started wearing female headbands, pantyhose and chokers in public, and I let my hair grow long, which makes me look extremely gay. Most people who see me in the streets realize I'm gay even without talking to me. Nearly 100% I'd say haha.
People usually make ugly faces when they see me, or look at me in shock, or just laugh at me...
I've never had sex in my entire life, other than
sexcam, where I usually pretend I'm a girl and some guys buy it.
I've been dealing lately with loneliness, sexcam addiction and compulsive eating. I decided to create an account here in the hopes of being happier and solving these problems.
