I saw a vent forum so I decided to post everything that makes me scream to myself periodically.
My transition has been the worst, socially speaking. My first long term relationship with someone was amazing, we had so much love for one another, but she was straight. When I came out to her she said I wasn't allowed to transition, because I didn't want to be a bad boyfriend. Well, that ultimately ended the relationship as I decided being me was more important than her having a boyfriend. All of our friends hated me for it, saying how bad of a person I was for leaving her.
Next girlfriend, tell her I was to transition, she's supportive. Very loving. Then she starts sleeping with some of her friends and I had to end it because she was cheating on me and it broke my heart.
Made amazing new friends, they love me for who I am. I came out to everyone, friends and family, and those friends supported me. They love me for who I am and it makes me so happy. My best friend since highschool, has seen me go through my last two relationships before her and how hectic and crazy it was, started getting interested in me. Our relationship turned romantic and we start dating. A few months in I feel drained every time we're together. She has problems with everything and wants me to take care of her. When I'm upset, though, she gives the cold shoulder or tells me we need a break. So, I stupidly stay until one day instead of "take a break", she says "break up". I cried, she cried, it was over, we're still really close friends.
And this year has been the best year so far. I've made so many new friends, it's so awesome to have people that care for me and don't care about me being trans. To be fair, if I don't talk, you'd think I'm a woman (at least that's how confident I am in me passing). Well, I become good friends with this one boy, call him B. B introduces me to his friend S. S and I become really close really fast. We even go to another country together. I start falling absolutely in love with S. Well, we start a friends with benefits situation. S tells me, "If you were born a girl, we'd be dating." So I stop the friends with benefits thing. S stops spending time with me and tells me she doesn't see me as a close friend. As all of this is going on, B comes over every week and we crack jokes and study together. B tells me I'm untrustworthy and our friendship is shallow. I know I just made friends with them this year, but B and I were good friends. I love spending time with him. As for S, I still love her, but her opinion of me hurts so much.
Today, B texted me and asked if he can come over tonight and study. I told him that if he doesn't see me as a close friend, I don't want him over. As for S, I'm planning on asking her to delete my contact information and to pretend like I don't exist. I felt so comfortable and loved with both of them, but they don't care much for me. I think B and I can be friends still, but based on what B said, we probably won't be close ever. As for S, I love her, and it hurts, and I need her out of my life. I keep telling myself that if they met me in a year or two, or maybe a couple years ago, they would have liked me more. It's not like I can change their first impressions of who I am, so zI kind of just need to accept that these new friends aren't friends.
As for my other friends, they've been so loving and caring. V and J have been giving me advice every day. N, who is also trans, has been showing me photos of ourselves a few years back before we came out. It's cool to see the differences. After a huge argument last year, me and K, and me and F, have been rebuilding our friendships. As for my most recent ex, she's seeking help for some of the problems she had, and she even helped me through all the drama with S.
Joke, because I can't help it: The situation was real BS.
Thanks for letting me rant, internet. I'll come back in 5 years to see if me and V, J, K, F, N, and my ex, all lasted. I know me and J will, and obviously me and my ex because we've gone through everything together.
