Musings on the end of transition. To SRS or not

[krobinson103]

Just over Two months ago I ended an amazing two year journey of self discovery with orchiodectomy - or so I thought. Because during the recovery and following weeks amazing things started happening. I felt more at ease, I have better breast growth, my body shape is shifting again, and, the dose of e I have which is fairly low goes a lot further. The journey is just beginning...

Now I've always thought that orchi was a way station to srs (even got a date tentatively booked for December 2020) but, more and more I feel like my body fits just the way it is. A vagina would be nice, but not a must have. The pain from orchi was also something that I did not enjoy!

I'm really considering calling the medical phase (besides letting hrt do its magic some more) finished. Everything else is in place. Social transition is complete, I have no issues presenting and being accepted as a woman in all situations. Legally I've changed everything that matters. My girl friend (who in time will be my wife once I'm clear of my previous relationship) accepts me as I am and to her genitals don't matter.

Dysphoria as such is gone. I sometimes get the feeling that the penis doesn't exactly match but it doesn't matter. Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I think I should go the distance so to speak, mostly though?

I'm there. This is the body I want and even if it doesn't completely fit into a binary box I simply don't care. I'm unique and I like it.

[Devlyn]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm almost two years post-orchiectomy, and I'm not inclined to pursue any further surgeries. In the back of my head I'm wondering how long I should be on a transition dose of estradiol; I'm 57, the magic has already happened, and I don't need a teenage hormone level indefinitely. I'm fine with gracefully aging into an old bag. 

[CynthiaAnn]

I sometimes get the feeling that the penis doesn't exactly match but it doesn't matter. Does anyone else feel this way?

Hi, what you describe is the relief realized when medical transition has alleviated your dysphoria, it's an amazing feeling, and congratulations !

Only speaking for myself, I experienced body dysphoria after several years of HRT and having certain body parts feel out of place, I went the GCS route myself.

Congruently yours

Cynthia -

[Linde]

Just over Two months ago I ended an amazing two year journey of self discovery with orchiodectomy - or so I thought. Because during the recovery and following weeks amazing things started happening. I felt more at ease, I have better breast growth, my body shape is shifting again, and, the dose of e I have which is fairly low goes a lot further. The journey is just beginning...

Now I've always thought that orchi was a way station to srs (even got a date tentatively booked for December 2020) but, more and more I feel like my body fits just the way it is. A vagina would be nice, but not a must have. The pain from orchi was also something that I did not enjoy!

I'm really considering calling the medical phase (besides letting hrt do its magic some more) finished. Everything else is in place. Social transition is complete, I have no issues presenting and being accepted as a woman in all situations. Legally I've changed everything that matters. My girl friend (who in time will be my wife once I'm clear of my previous relationship) accepts me as I am and to her genitals don't matter.

Dysphoria as such is gone. I sometimes get the feeling that the penis doesn't exactly match but it doesn't matter. Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I think I should go the distance so to speak, mostly though?

I'm there. This is the body I want and even if it doesn't completely fit into a binary box I simply don't care. I'm unique and I like it.

As you may recall, I had my orchi a little earlier than you.  And I was happy with it.  I never had any real strong dysphoria caused by my genitals, and I was hoping my orchi would help to reduce this to zero!
How wrong i was!  I now have a really bad case of dysphoria because of the little bit of skin I have down there and that should not be there.  I hate to look at my body when I step out of the shower, because it looks unfinished to me!
I found that I can reduce this dysphoria a little, by being active looking around for surgeons who accept my insurance, and doing pre surgery stuff like genital hair removal, etc.
As soon as I solved my insurance issues, I will race to a surgeon as fast as i can to get me neither regions to look the way they are supposed to look like!
Once this is done, I consider my transition to be over!

[KathyLauren]

The only person who can determine whether you are satisfied is you.  If you are where you want to be, then YAY!!

[jkredman]

Kathy

My statement was always along the vein of if there was an accident or disease I would "forgo reconstructive surgery and go the other way...."

Now that HRT has provided me the peace I REALLY was seeking, finishing it off doesn't feel like such a need.

Add to this my spouse is trying to be supportive, but she has a problem with the concept of a 'lesbian relationship'. 

So I choose to forgo bottom surgery for the sake of a relationship that I hope survives what I've done so far.

Yes I want to be totally woman, but the definition of totally woman has some grey in its definition.

I understand where your at. Just know whatever you decide - is the right answer!

Kate


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[Maid Marion]

There is no "normal."  So trying to get there is impossible.

[krobinson103]

Kathy

My statement was always along the vein of if there was an accident or disease I would "forgo reconstructive surgery and go the other way...."

Now that HRT has provided me the peace I REALLY was seeking, finishing it off doesn't feel like such a need.

Add to this my spouse is trying to be supportive, but she has a problem with the concept of a 'lesbian relationship'. 

So I choose to forgo bottom surgery for the sake of a relationship that I hope survives what I've done so far.

Yes I want to be totally woman, but the definition of totally woman has some grey in its definition.

I understand where your at. Just know whatever you decide - is the right answer!

Kate


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

To me I was born a woman with the wrong dna. The fact my genitals (and pretty much only my genitals remain male) are mismatched doesn't change the fact I'm a woman. They just make me a little different. I don't think the concept of 'total woman' is something I can wrap my head around.

[LizK]

Just over Two months ago I ended an amazing two year journey of self discovery with orchiodectomy - or so I thought. Because during the recovery and following weeks amazing things started happening. I felt more at ease, I have better breast growth, my body shape is shifting again, and, the dose of e I have which is fairly low goes a lot further. The journey is just beginning...

Now I've always thought that orchi was a way station to srs (even got a date tentatively booked for December 2020) but, more and more I feel like my body fits just the way it is. A vagina would be nice, but not a must have. The pain from orchi was also something that I did not enjoy!

I'm really considering calling the medical phase (besides letting hrt do its magic some more) finished. Everything else is in place. Social transition is complete, I have no issues presenting and being accepted as a woman in all situations. Legally I've changed everything that matters. My girl friend (who in time will be my wife once I'm clear of my previous relationship) accepts me as I am and to her genitals don't matter.

Dysphoria as such is gone. I sometimes get the feeling that the penis doesn't exactly match but it doesn't matter. Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I think I should go the distance so to speak, mostly though?

I'm there. This is the body I want and even if it doesn't completely fit into a binary box I simply don't care. I'm unique and I like it.

After completing SRS last year I declared my physical transition was over...yes there are other things I can do but I have reached a level of satisfaction that I never thought possible. No one has any clue what's between my legs and no one needs to know so its irrelevant. I still have some Dysphoria but I think that I am is a far better place to deal with it and am beginning to even suspect that it too will fade in time.

You do you and your transition is complete when you feel it is.

Take care

Liz

[steph2.0]

I absolutely agree with all I've read here, that if you're where you want to be, there's no further to go. I've been watching your journey, and drawing joy from seeing you finding your destination.

I can only tell my particular point of view, tinted by experiences of others I've met.

I have a friend (who is on this forum) who had GCS, and it made all the difference for her attitude. I assume from her story that she wasn't happy with where she was before, because she told me that when she woke up after surgery all other considerations and worries were gone. No matter what anyone else saw or how they treated her, all doubts were gone. I think I'm in that "before" place, and I have hopes that I'll feel the same "after."

I have a few other considerations. First is safety. Except for speed limits, I'm pretty law-abiding, but if something horrible were to happen and I was arrested, what jail cell would they put me into? I know it's a bit far-fetched, but it's a worry for me.

Another is a little more worrisome with the way things are going in the US. If I were in an accident and ended up in an emergency room, would I be left to bleed out on the doorstep? Hippocratic oath notwithstanding, it's now legal in the US for someone to refuse me treatment if I offend them on "moral or religious grounds." Having a mismatch between what's on my ID and what's between my legs offends a small but vocal minority in the US.

Finally, clothing. I have to be careful what I buy and how I wear it, because unlike some of my luckier sisters who are "growers, not show-ers," I can't hide what's down there without very uncomfortable tucking. I want to wear a bikini some day!

If your happiness with where you are overshadows considerations like those, then I consider you very lucky. With all the angst we share with each other, it's wonderful to read happy stories here!


Stephanie

[Dani]

I absolutely agree with all I've read here, that if you're where you want to be, there's no further to go.

And I absolutely agree with Stephanie when she agrees with all of you. It is really a personal decision on how far to go in your transition journey. Some of us need many things done and others are just as happy with a few changes.

Since the OP mentioned the pain after surgery as a big concern, you might consider just having a cosmetic vaginoplasty. This will give you the outward appearance of female genitalia, but no vaginal depth for intercourse. This procedure is much less invasive than a full depth vaginoplasty and should be less painful.

I have a friend (who is on this forum) ...

SQUEEE

[Dorit]

Since the OP mentioned the pain after surgery as a big concern, you might consider just having a cosmetic vaginoplasty. This will give you the outward appearance of female genitalia, but no vaginal depth for intercourse. This procedure is much less invasive than a full depth vaginoplasty and should be less painful.

SQUEEE

I have to say that this is simply not true.   I have had a minimal depth vaginoplasty and a very painful and still happening five months later recovery.   I know the experiences of other woman.   Your pain and recovery from such a surgery is almost entirely personal, minimal depth vaginoplasty is a major, invasive surgery!   The difference between this and full depth are two; less chance of a major complication after surgery as the body cavity is not deeply penetrated so close to the colon, and no need for a lifetime of dilation.   Those should be the considerations, not the myth of a less painful recovery.

[Linde]

I have a few other considerations. First is safety. Except for speed limits, I'm pretty law-abiding, but if something horrible were to happen and I was arrested, what jail cell would they put me into? I know it's a bit far-fetched, but it's a worry for me.

Another is a little more worrisome with the way things are going in the US. If I were in an accident and ended up in an emergency room, would I be left to bleed out on the doorstep? Hippocratic oath notwithstanding, it's now legal in the US for someone to refuse me treatment if I offend them on "moral or religious grounds." Having a mismatch between what's on my ID and what's between my legs offends a small but vocal minority in the US.

This reflects exactly my major fears.  This was one of the reasons that I pushed like crazy to get all my legal stuff to bear the F gender marker.  I hope that will bring me, at least initially, into the female section of any possible law enforcement action. 
But once they check between my legs, an orchi alone will not cut it in many peoples eyes!  And that is one of the reason that I want to have the last corrections done down there (the other is dysphoria).

Finally, clothing. I have to be careful what I buy and how I wear it, because unlike some of my luckier sisters who are "growers, not show-ers," I can't hide what's down there without very uncomfortable tucking. I want to wear a bikini some day!

Stephanie

I am lucky with this, because there is not much left for tucking, it can just be pushed back in; and using the pieces of my scrotum that would be used to create the labia minora, I can even create some kind of a camel toe look if so desired.

[Linde]

I have to say that this is simply not true.   I have had a minimal depth vaginoplasty and a very painful and still happening five months later recovery.   I know the experiences of other woman.   Your pain and recovery from such a surgery is almost entirely personal, minimal depth vaginoplasty is a major, invasive surgery!   The difference between this and full depth are two; less chance of a major complication after surgery as the body cavity is not deeply penetrated so close to the colon, and no need for a lifetime of dilation.   Those should be the considerations, not the myth of a less painful recovery.

You are right, most of the nerves that would act as pain sensors are located pretty much in the skin.  Many sections of the abdominal cavity has no pain sensation at all.  But I still would not call the limited depth surgery to be a major invasive surgery, because no cavity is deeply penetrated for this.  A plastic surgeon may call it major invasive, but in general surgical terms it is a surface procedure.  Lots of skin gets moved around and re-purposed, and that will generate lots of pain, and the exterior healing should be similar in both full depth and limited depth procedures.
I will have the limited depth procedure.

[krobinson103]

Interesting discussion. I feel that if I did have SRS I'd go the whole way simply because if you are going to have vagina it might as well be 'functional' and the pain is going to happen anyway.

Here's the rub...

My penis works every now and then. I enjoy using it to make my girl friend happy and I get a fair bit of pleasure out of it as well. When not in use its rather puny and creates only a slight bump even in a bikini. If I did not have srs I'd probably get the scrotum removed so as to not have to worry about the extra skin. This would be far cheaper and could be done locally under a local anesthetic with a limited recovery time. The incision from orchie healed in a week.

In order to get SRS I need to add to my mortgage and take 10 weeks out of my teaching schedule which would take all my annual and sick leave, plus all the school holidays as well as leaving me weak from recovery and pain for a long period.

Another consideration is that even with SRS you still aren't going to get the nerve connections that a CIS women has (ie the two little nerve bundles inside) so the experience will be different. Add to that the need to dilate I have to wonder if it just easier to stick with little shenis which is fun in its own right and has many uses.

[Dorit]

  But I still would not call the limited depth surgery to be a major invasive surgery, because no cavity is deeply penetrated for this.  A plastic surgeon may call it major invasive, but in general surgical terms it is a surface procedure.
I will have the limited depth procedure.

My body cavity was penetrated, this is way more than moving some skin around and all those contemplating a minimal depth vaginoplasty I believe need to know this.   In place of my male parts I now have a vaginal recess that contains my clitoris, urethra, and inner labia.  None of this is just "hanging" there on the outside like male anatomy was, it is within my groin.  The only part that is on the outside is my outer labia.   I also have an opening to my vagina that I can place my finger in to a depth of about one inch.

[Linde]

My body cavity was penetrated, this is way more than moving some skin around and all those contemplating a minimal depth vaginoplasty I believe need to know this.   In place of my male parts I now have a vaginal recess that contains my clitoris, urethra, and inner labia.  None of this is just "hanging" there on the outside like male anatomy was, it is within my groin.  The only part that is on the outside is my outer labia.   I also have an opening to my vagina that I can place my finger in to a depth of about one inch.

Dorit, I don't want to fight with you a semantics.  As you know, I want to get the same surgery you had, but I look at surgeries from a different perspective, because I made my living with this kind of stuff.

I hope that your recovery is going well, but still wonder why it seems to take that long.  Do you normally have slow healing tendencies?
When I read other SRS reports, the people seem to be relative active a few weeks after surgery already.

[Dorit]

You are right, Linde, not worth arguing about semantics.   I was reacting to someone who suggested that a reason to choose partial depth vaginoplasty over full is that the recovery is easier.   Actually, my recovery is normal.   As one other girl wrote me about a year ago that also had a partial:"The first six months are the worst, the second six months things get much better, and after a year you can feel normal."   When ever I complain to my surgeon about healing issues, he takes care to remind me that it requires one whole year, that I need to be patient!   My problem is that I am impatient and emotional, so I easily get upset if things aren't happening quickly.   I do wish you an easy recovery!

[Linde]

You are right, Linde, not worth arguing about semantics.   I was reacting to someone who suggested that a reason to choose partial depth vaginoplasty over full is that the recovery is easier.   Actually, my recovery is normal.   As one other girl wrote me about a year ago that also had a partial:"The first six months are the worst, the second six months things get much better, and after a year you can feel normal."   When ever I complain to my surgeon about healing issues, he takes care to remind me that it requires one whole year, that I need to be patient!   My problem is that I am impatient and emotional, so I easily get upset if things aren't happening quickly.   I do wish you an easy recovery!

Thanks Dorit!
I wish I would be close to he point of recovery.  I still try to find a surgeon near by who will accept my insurance.  As a retiree, I cannot afford to pay out of pocket for the entire surgery plus side costs.  Hardly any of the surgeons show clearly what insurances they take, most of all want to set up a consultation prior to giving out the insurance information!  That sucks majorly, because by end of the year I could select a new insurance company and plan, if I would know what insurance would be best, which means, I would need to know what certain surgeons accept!
It seems that one cannot win with certain transgender services!

[Devlyn]

Thanks Dorit!
I wish I would be close to he point of recovery.  I still try to find a surgeon near by who will accept my insurance.  As a retiree, I cannot afford to pay out of pocket for the entire surgery plus side costs.  Hardly any of the surgeons show clearly what insurances they take, most of all want to set up a consultation prior to giving out the insurance information!  That sucks majorly, because by end of the year I could select a new insurance company and plan, if I would know what insurance would be best, which means, I would need to know what certain surgeons accept!
It seems that one cannot win with certain transgender services!

That's on your local legislators. My home state (Massachusetts) won't allow insurers to do business in the state if they don't provide coverage for transgender healthcare.