How many did NOT identify as homosexual before coming out?

[BlueJaye]

Something has been bugging me for a while. I came out to my wife last year in March, and in recent months have been cautiously and selectively coming out to friends. I am an evangelical Christian, as are most of my friends. Their reactions have not been as damning as I expected but one thing really bothers me. They keep sending me links to websites and YouTube videos about people who were supposedly "healed" or "set free" from gender dysphoria by Jesus.

First, I am already a Christian and certain if that were God's plan He would have miracled me into a cis body already. Second, I have actually watched all of the videos sent to me. Every single one, with the exception of one about the infamous Walt Heyer, has a similar plot. It goes something like, "When I was six my uncle Bobby molested me. At age 14 I became gay. The gay lifestyle led me into drugs, alcoholism, and eventually becoming transgender. In my mid thirties I found Jesus and he set me free from my homosexuality and drug addictions".

As a Christian, I am glad to hear that they found peace and healing in Jesus. I certainly did when I became a Christian 20 some years ago. But it never did anything for my gender dysphoria.

What really bugs me is that every one of them except Walt Heyer blames homosexuality for them having been (or maybe pretended to be?) transgender. At no point in my life have I ever identified as gay. Even as a transgender woman I would say I have become asexual.

Am I the only one who had no history of homosexuality prior to coming out? Not that I have anything against anyone who did identify as homosexual. It just seems to be the common blame assigned to gender dysphoria. If you have gender dysphoria it must mean you have some kind of homosexual tendencies or something.

[Dena]

I have looked into Walt Heyers and the story is a bit more complicated than the one that's out there. It appears that Walt had Dissociative Identity Disorder also known as Multiple Personality Disorder and a female personality took over the body. Often a sexual assault can dissociate the personalities and we have several on this site who have undergone this process. It is possible for someone who is DID to be transgender but in those cases therapy has to be much more intensive to ensure a mistake wasn't made. In Walts case, a good deal of effort was made to avoid the checks in the system and surgery was a mistake. Walts case isn't really about being transgender but about somebody who didn't receive the proper therapy before surgery.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I never considered myself homosexual, prior to transition I only was attracted to women, after transitioning I now identify as bisexual. I haven't read too many of these "ex-trans" narratives, but the few I have sound made up. They just seem to hit too many of the conservative buzzwords and misunderstandings to seem genuine.

Then again if you only know the straw man version of being trans then maybe it is possible for people to think they are when they aren't.

[ChrissyRyan]

I have never been homosexual.

However, as a mtf attracted only to females, after my transitioning is complete, I may no longer be considered a heterosexual.  At least, it seems that would be the case. 

But so what the label?  I will just be me being me in any case. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

[KathyLauren]

Prior to coming out to myself, I considered myself an exclusively heterosexual man.  Post-transition, I am an exclusively homosexual woman, though mostly asexual.

Ignore the material your "friends" send you.  They are wrong.  You can't pray gay away, and you can't pray trans away.  God made you this way, and He doesn't make mistakes.  Think of the Parable of the Talents.  Being trans is a gift to us.  Do you bury it and hide it, or do you run with it and make something of it?

[gracefulhat]

Your's is VERY similar to my own story.

Something has been bugging me for a while. I came out to my wife last year in March, and in recent months have been cautiously and selectively coming out to friends. I am an evangelical Christian, as are most of my friends. Their reactions have not been as damning as I expected but one thing really bothers me. They keep sending me links to websites and YouTube videos about people who were supposedly "healed" or "set free" from gender dysphoria by Jesus.

First, I am already a Christian and certain if that were God's plan He would have miracled me into a cis body already. Second, I have actually watched all of the videos sent to me. Every single one, with the exception of one about the infamous Walt Heyer, has a similar plot. It goes something like, "When I was six my uncle Bobby molested me. At age 14 I became gay. The gay lifestyle led me into drugs, alcoholism, and eventually becoming transgender. In my mid thirties I found Jesus and he set me free from my homosexuality and drug addictions".

As a Christian, I am glad to hear that they found peace and healing in Jesus. I certainly did when I became a Christian 20 some years ago. But it never did anything for my gender dysphoria.

What really bugs me is that every one of them except Walt Heyer blames homosexuality for them having been (or maybe pretended to be?) transgender. At no point in my life have I ever identified as gay. Even as a transgender woman I would say I have become asexual.

Am I the only one who had no history of homosexuality prior to coming out? Not that I have anything against anyone who did identify as homosexual. It just seems to be the common blame assigned to gender dysphoria. If you have gender dysphoria it must mean you have some kind of homosexual tendencies or something.

[Jessica]

I was sexually attracted to men before, but after some experimentation, gay sex did not feel exactly right.  I'd always have had questions of my gender and after counseling and self reflection I've realized I wasn't gay, but a heterosexual woman.  That is why I am attracted to men.

[sarahc]

*raises hand*

Attracted to women as a guy (more because I wanted to be like them and was more emotionally connected with them ). I was never attracted to men sexually when I was living as a guy. I also had zero interest in gay sex.

But I think I'm going to be straight as a woman, but leaving open the possibility that I may become bi.

Sexuality is weird.

Sarah

[Rachel]

I was and am sexually attracted to guys. I use to be able to have sex with a woman but needed to imagine I was with a guy.

I don't think I am gay but I guess it would depend on who you spoke to in order to get their definition of gay.

I do know that things that I envied I have obtained and I can do. I do know I no longer have dysphoria. Nor do I have suicidal ideation. But I do not know if I am gay. I guess it would depend on who the person is that is judging me.

[Lexxi]

Hi BlueJaye,

I've was only ever been interested in women. I didn't find any man appealing whatsoever. With that said, now that I've fully admitted that I'm a transgender, and intend on making a full transition, I've been finding certain men attractive...I would never instigate anything though in my current body. In all of my recent fantasies and even a couple of dreams I've had, I've, been having sex with a man. But I was a complete woman by that time apparently having had my SRS.

So I believe that once I've fully transitioned I'll be bisexual. Only time will tell though.

Hope this helps,

xoxo

Lexxi

[Lexxi]

Hi Rachel,

From your description I don't think you're gay any longer. You're now a fully heterosexual woman hun. 

xoxo

Lexxi

[BlueJaye]

I have looked into Walt Heyers and the story is a bit more complicated than the one that's out there. It appears that Walt had Dissociative Identity Disorder also known as Multiple Personality Disorder and a female personality took over the body. Often a sexual assault can dissociate the personalities and we have several on this site who have undergone this process. It is possible for someone who is DID to be transgender but in those cases therapy has to be much more intensive to ensure a mistake wasn't made. In Walts case, a good deal of effort was made to avoid the checks in the system and surgery was a mistake. Walts case isn't really about being transgender but about somebody who didn't receive the proper therapy before surgery.

Thank you for explaining this on the forum for anyone else who might this guy shoved in their face. I have been sent more than one of his videos via email or Facebook messenger and watched them out of respect for my friends who sent the links.

He states clearly in one of the videos that he never experienced gender dysphoria and was never actually transgender. He had disassociative disorder (or something like that, sorry I'm not an expert on psychological terminology). He's really not even qualified to speak on the subject.

[BlueJaye]

Prior to coming out to myself, I considered myself an exclusively heterosexual man.  Post-transition, I am an exclusively homosexual woman, though mostly asexual.

Ignore the material your "friends" send you.  They are wrong.  You can't pray gay away, and you can't pray trans away.  God made you this way, and He doesn't make mistakes.  Think of the Parable of the Talents.  Being trans is a gift to us.  Do you bury it and hide it, or do you run with it and make something of it?

Thank you for saying this. It's a truth we all live with that most cis people don't want to accept.

[BlueJaye]

I also don't want to make sexuality an issue. I just find it frustrating that cis people think that being transgender is somehow connected to who you are sexually attracted to. I have one very close friend who I have been friends with since pre-school. I came out to her first after my wife. I told her more than anyone else besides my wife. Just a few days ago she sent me a Facebook message with a link to same sex attraction support group (I guess for gay people who don't want to be gay?). Message said, "I thought you might be interested in this group".

After everything I have explained to her in great detail, she now thinks I'm gay. Sigh...

[Dena]

I just find it frustrating that cis people think that being transgender is somehow connected to who you are sexually attracted to.

The proper response is that a lesbian or a gay guy doesn't want to change their gender. Sexual preference and gender identity are separate from each other.

Something I picked up a long time ago and I have posted before.
Sexual preference is who you want to go to bed with. 
Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as.

[Melinda@heart]

Our stories are very similar. I was raised evangelical myself. I was a deacon in my church. I stopped going because of what I saw. I saw Christian's treat each other horribly. I heard their hatred for homosexuals and trans people. It bothered me a great deal because the Jesus I know loved everyone.

I struggled all of my life with Who am I" or "What am I?" My first memory of wearing womens clothes was when I was three. Then again around age 10. I liked to feel pretty. I wished I was a girl. I never told my parents because I knew it would be considered "demonic" influence or possession.

I was severely depressed and even attempted suicide in my teen years. The depression stuck with me throughout my life. Just before my 45th birthday, I decided to start HRT. After a few weeks on estrogen, I felt "right" for the first time in my life. My mind was free of something. I was happy. The depression lessened a great deal. The longer I was on HRT, the better I felt.

It's been 1 year now. I'm so happy with the way I feel that I will not stop taking my meds. Not once did I ever think I was gay. I was never attracted to men. I was always very much interested in women. Christian's dont seem to understand us or want to try. They see us as a perversion, going against God's word. They often use "he created them man and woman" to justify their hatred for us. In my journey over the past year, my views have changed significantly from how I was raised.  There is ONE judge. I believe I will stand before him and be accepted for who I have always known I am.

Being transgender doesn't mean you're homosexual. It has nothing to do with your sexual preference at all. I dont think Christian's as a whole will ever understand that. It saddens me greatly.

Mindy

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[BlueJaye]

Our stories are very similar. I was raised evangelical myself. I was a deacon in my church. I stopped going because of what I saw. I saw Christian's treat each other horribly. I heard their hatred for homosexuals and trans people. It bothered me a great deal because the Jesus I know loved everyone.

I struggled all of my life with Who am I" or "What am I?" My first memory of wearing womens clothes was when I was three. Then again around age 10. I liked to feel pretty. I wished I was a girl. I never told my parents because I knew it would be considered "demonic" influence or possession.

I was severely depressed and even attempted suicide in my teen years. The depression stuck with me throughout my life. Just before my 45th birthday, I decided to start HRT. After a few weeks on estrogen, I felt "right" for the first time in my life. My mind was free of something. I was happy. The depression lessened a great deal. The longer I was on HRT, the better I felt.

It's been 1 year now. I'm so happy with the way I feel that I will not stop taking my meds. Not once did I ever think I was gay. I was never attracted to men. I was always very much interested in women. Christian's dont seem to understand us or want to try. They see us as a perversion, going against God's word. They often use "he created them man and woman" to justify their hatred for us. In my journey over the past year, my views have changed significantly from how I was raised.  There is ONE judge. I believe I will stand before him and be accepted for who I have always known I am.

Being transgender doesn't mean you're homosexual. It has nothing to do with your sexual preference at all. I dont think Christian's as a whole will ever understand that. It saddens me greatly.

Mindy

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

Thanks for the kind words. It does sound like we have some common ground. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, my mother was agnostic and my father was an ardent atheist. I became a Christian when I was 15. But my struggles with gender dysphoria began when I was two. The overwhelming feeling of the wrongness of my penis while going to the bathroom is literally my earliest memory. I don't remember if I was 6 or 7 the first time I cross dressed. But I do remember the feeling of relief. Even though if I looked in the mirror I knew I looked wrong, it was still nice to at least feel for a few fleeting minutes like I was free to be the "real" me.

I wrote some lengthy posts in the Spirituality/Christianity section last year after I came out. I still retain what would be characterized as a mostly evangelical Christian worldview, but my stance on gender dysphoria and being transgender is at odds with the mainstream views. It is fine to believe that God made the human race male and female in the beginning. I have no problem with that at all. What I do have a problem with is assuming that everything remained perfect after that.

If evangelical Christians can say that they believe the Bible to be inerrant and true, then they must believe the whole thing. And my Bible says that all of creation became a screwed up mess because of sin. It clearly says all of creation. God created the male and female genders, therefore it's only reasonable think that gender falls under the same curse that gave us cleft palates, spina bifida, and club feet.

[Janes Groove]

Call me an apostate but I refuse to believe that Christianity and same sex attraction is sinful.  It's just BS. 

As as student of history what I ask is WHY Christianity has been so successful? 

My conclusion is because despite the evil done in it's  name.  The wars, the corruption,  the cruelty, the inhumanity, when comparing it with religions where God or gods are cruel, vengeful and capricious,  Christianity in contrast has always offered a  message of hope, love, forgiveness, compassion, fellowship, resurrection, renewal and rebirth.   The evil done in the name of Christianity is just the work of evil people.

Homophobia and transphobia are antithetical to the core message of Christianity that has sustained it over the millennia.

[Linde]

I never was interested in men, the thought of being close with a man was very repulsive to me (and it still is).  I was as heterosexuell as they come.  Now as a woman I will be considered to be a lesbian, because I did not change my sexual orientation.  However, in reality, I am mostly asexual.

[HappyMoni]

Logically speaking, who is more likely to understand the phenomenon of being trans? On one hand you have a group that has a stake in the keeping a narrative consistent with the morals of a society 2000 years ago. On the other, you have scientists who believe in the scientific method of collecting data and the experts, us, who have known first hand what being trans is all about. You also have  your first hand experience telling you what you know in your head is true. The good news is that there are very cool Christians out there who have emphasized the real message of Jesus and de-emphasized the dogma. I'm not expert on Jesus, but my understanding was he was way more inclusionary than a great many of his followers.