Would light bondage work to get her in the mood and give you enough to work with?
I know with more extreme kinks often partners can get a little anxious, especially if it's a bit new.
Sex really is a partnership, you need to work together to find something you can both enjoy.
Maybe start slow? Work up to the more kinky stuff?
How long have you two been married? Was he into the bdsm previously?
3 times a week is... phew.. pretty exhausting long term I have to say. Is that just an average or did you seriously get told "we're pencilling this into the schedule"?
I find a rich fantasy life helps me a lot. I find sex physically painful a lot of the time but I still crave it because i'm an idiot I suppose, so i've developed a rather good ability to sort of disassociate and focus on things that turn me on. Sort of.. my own personal porno in my head lol.
Worth a shot? (and that sounds terrible for my poor husband but to be fair, he KNOWS i'm not really into the whole being female thing so imagining myself as a guy helps my dysphoria and makes it more enjoyable)