Hello.
I have been lurking off and on for a few years, but decided to take the plunge and join!
Like most, my love for female clothing started innocently enough. When I was 12, I decided to try on my older sister's one-piece swimsuit because I was curious how something that looked so small could fit over her body. What I didn't count on was how amazing it felt. Even after 30-plus years, I can still remember the moment vividly and it still gives me butterflies. I just loved how it felt on my body. The feeling of the fabric hugging my skin was electric. So, I spent the better part of my teenage years "borrowing" my sister's swim and dance-wear (I sooo miss the '80s) whenever I could.
When I got into my 20s and was living on my own, I discovered online shopping! I started to branch into underwear, dresses and such. However, I made the usual mistakes of buying what looked good on the model and what I would want to see on my "ideal" woman, instead of looking for what would work for me. At this point, my dressing was still very sexual in nature and sessions would end in revulsion and self-loathing after orgasm. I couldn't get undressed fast enough and go back to being a "normal" guy.
When I got to my late 30s, I got reacquainted with a woman I dated in my 20s. We always had really good chemistry and she was as much a best-friend as well as a girlfriend. So much, that I felt I could tell her about my other side. Amazingly, she was fully accepting! My mind was completely blown. I feel this was a turning point, as it took away some of the stigma in my own mind. I could dress freely and the only criticism I would get is "those shoes don't match..." or "That's pretty short. Put your knees together. I can see your undies..."
Anyway... That woman became my fully supportive wife. She always reminds me she loves me for who I am. All of me. At my late 40s, the self-loathing and stigma have faded. I am more comfortable with the fact that I do want to be a woman. I really enjoy dressing up and trying to capture the middle-aged woman in me. Dressing is way less a sexual outlet and more wanting to be the woman I dream of being. I find that, when I look in the mirror dressed and in my cheap wig and no makeup, I can see past the manly trappings and see her. I cringe less and less and see more of "Okay... This doesn't look bad on me... What can I do to make it look better..." I'm not interested in going full MtF, but I would like to make some changes at some point. Once again, the wife is very supportive with the condition that a particular piece of me stays. I am fine with that, as I am not dysphoric over my "equipment" more than I find it a nuisance when wearing certain things. She's even fine with me getting breasts, if money allowed for it.
So, the next step in my journey is to work up the courage visit a local wig shop/salon near me. I have emailed them and they say they are CD/Trans friendly and provide hair/makeup and clothing consultation. My thinking is, if I can cultivate a look I like from the neck up, it will determine what I do from the neck down.
Anyway... That was rather long-winded, but it is always refreshing to be able to tell your story. Thanks for having me and I look forward to sharing more...
