Does life ever return to normal after transitioning?

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 23, 2020, 08:16:32 pm »
I had to put my life on 'hold' for about three years while I transitioned -- HRT, going full-time, surgeries, recovery, but now my life is back to normal.

I may have lost a few acquaintances along the way, along with one sister-in-law, but everything else is pretty much the same. I have the same job, same family, same friends -- actually even more friends now. My relationship with my wife and daughters is much better than it was pre-transition. My wardrobe is significantly different, and I have jewelry!

I am occasionally reminded of my past by spam email or snail mail which still has my dead name, but other than that my life hasn't changed much -- except now I am the person I always wanted to be. The part of my soul that I had to hide for decades was released from the darkness, and now she is enjoying her freedom. The biggest change, other than my body -- I can smile now. It wasn't easy, but even knowing what I know now, it was and is the right path for me.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[D'Amalie]

We'll all likely take your experiences as a success.  You've done well, congrats.  Especially helpful is a supportive family.  Did your wife always support you?

[Jessica_Rose]

We'll all likely take your experiences as a success.  You've done well, congrats.  Especially helpful is a supportive family.  Did your wife always support you?

Not initially. She was really upset with me, and there were many days when we barely spoke to each other. We slept in different bedrooms for a long time. After many months, she began to realize that I was becoming a better person, and our relationship began to heal. Now, she says there is only one thing she really misses.

I often asked her why she stayed with me, and her reply is 'because I love you.'

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[D'Amalie]

I love that answer!  Awwww!

I really can't see the edge of the future where we can answer the question, "Does life ever return to normal...?"  Perhaps better observation might be, "Have I achieved a new normal?"  At least it is so for me.

As for your continued relationship with your partner.  There are parallels in a facet or two, probably with many of us here, probably not limited to my own life.  I will say though, I don't think I could have made it past the separate bedrooms stage.  It would break my heart and hers. We still sleep together.  My wife still loves me, I believe. We've been together 27 years.  Yet I try not to stretch her tolerance too far, since we are still a working team, helping our progeny deal with a complicated enough life. I so respect your ability to risk all to achieve the end state, your new normal. 

In my case our relations are subject to subtle changes that accommodate my changing figure and emotional fluidity. I'm betting your relationship has changed and matured too.  The occasional "male fail" changed our intimacy, changed I think for the better.  Outwardly, we are still very much a couple too.  We still hold hands and stay close to each other.  I think "Because I love you," is still valid.  I'm able to be stronger with her support.  My children seem to understand, all of us supporting the others.  Just like it should be.

Your courage, like Devlyn, Danielle, Rachel, and so many more helps those of us with less courage vicariously.

Thanks for sharing.  Enjoy your return to normal.

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks, D'Amalie! By the way, I love your avatar.

There were many times I thought our marriage was over, many days when I had no idea if Susan would be there when I returned home. I still don't fully understand why she stayed, so her response is the only explanation I have.

My 'courage' was an act of desperation. The anger and rage which had built up inside me for so long had reached a breaking point, and it nearly became terminal. Transitioning was the only option I had which would keep me alive.

I think we all have slightly different definitions of 'normal'. In my case, it means not being on the brink of explosive rage all the time, and having a partner who isn't afraid of me anymore. Everything else is icing on the cake.

I'm very happy to hear that you have found a way to make it work, and I hope both of you enjoy a long life together.

Love always -- Jess

[Sarah B]

I cannot fathom the pain, anguish and misery that you went through Jessica_Rose and you are not the only one on Susan's that has beared their soul.

An elder here by the name of Norther Jane almost killed herself in trying to whether the onslaught.

Reading these stories breaks my heart and in doing so gives me a little solace, that I never had to go through what you have gone through.

As Courtney G mentioned in Do you ever wish you weren't trans? The longing and that longing alone was always with me, I wanted to be a female.  I never transitioned per se.  I changed  my clothes, put some makeup on and went to work inside of 3 months.  I suppose you could call that a transition.  However, in actual fact, I was still me at the end of that 3 months.  Each day since then, the contentment inside me knows no bounds.

I read stories on Susan's that make me laugh, feel sad, feel happy and cry and in doing so, I hope each story makes each and everyone of us a better person.

To answer the original question. "Everyday after 'transitioning' gets better and better"

Hugs all around
Sarah B

[Allie Jayne]

I guess I am pretty much through transition by now, and my life has found a new 'normal'. I so envy people like Jessica who have managed to keep their relationships alive, as losing my wife was the most significant and painful result of transition. I managed to keep my home in the divorce, which has helped keep me grounded, though it cost me much of my retirement savings, so my financial situation is significantly different.

So I am alone, and lonely. I have to be more careful with my finances, and the stress of transition and divorce has created significant health problems. These health challenges also forced me to retire earlier than planned. But, I can get around without fear of harassment, I am comfortable in my living conditions, and I can pay my bills. I struggle to make new friends, as I guess I am not completely comfortable with my new role, and I am sick of explaining myself to people.

So, life goes by day after day, pay bills, go shopping, clean my house, all pretty normal, but not as good as my old normal....

Hugs,

Allie

[Donica]

In answer to the question, "Does life ever return to normal after transitioning?", I suppose it depends on the individual. Often, time is the greatest healer. For me, the more time that goes by, the less I think about it, until eventually, it becomes to new norm. We will always have memories of the past, but they eventually blend into life just like all other memories from our past. I believe they certainly strengthen our character.

Hugs!
Donica

[EllenW]

I am living a new "normal". I am living the normal life of a 70 year old retired single woman.

Ellen

[Jessica_K]

I also talk of the new norm, life goes on. It definitely not easy to transition and what does transition mean? Socially? Medically? Surgery? At what point do you stop. Why do you stop? The new norm is where you end up when you either stop or pause.

I have for years now tread that new norm as a tightrope walker. Transitioning as I must, while attempting to keep my marriage. I could walk away from it and she can still walk away from me, it would be another new norm and I my loses would be minimal, but we have been together for a long time and I feel that I will not be the one that does the breakup.

It has been touch and go, separation for a month last year showed we both can live a separate life if we have to. Financially for me would not change, for her it would be big. So here I am the new norm, my transition as far as it can go with only surgery awaiting the ability to fund it and the compromises i do at home and I am surviving.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

[davina61]

Well its coming up to 7 years of my "new" normal, I do the same things I always did but have found new things to do. Much better on my own TBH.

[pretty pauline]

I am living a new "normal". I am living the normal life of a 70 year old retired single woman.

Ellen

So true, I suppose it's a different ''normal'' than before transition, I'm now living a normal life of a approaching middle age married woman, the normality of it all, sometimes too normal, life as a married woman can be little mundane and very ordinary with routine grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning etc I've a wonderful supportive husband and great guy but I'm now basically a housewife, he does all the guy stuff, I do the wife stuff, life is just very normal and ordinary.