MTF in need of help (3), a fresh start

[Lori Dee]

That is such good news! I am so relieved for you.

Like Davina, said. Do you really think you need it? You are gorgeous. Why take a risk if you don't need to?

[Rachel]

@Davina, than you. I may try a CO2 laser treatment on my lower face to tighten skin. IDK, right now I am not doing anything.

@Lorie Dee, Thank you.
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I see the oncologist is a year or if I o not feel well as in leukemia symptoms. Knowing that I do not have the different poorly made cells cloning themselves and it is from my own genetics is a relief. But my red blood cells are low and my platelets are low and my white blood cells are on the boarder line high.  The bad white blood cells are not cloning but my immune system is not in good condition.

I had stopped Prep and I have been eating 4 ounces of cheddar cheese grass fed for months (helps form better cell walls). I like the cheddar cheese but being celibate is tough. Did the cheese and stopping Prep help? Also I was taking T as prescribed about 1/5 of the time. T is tough to take even at low dosage. I will talk to my PAc Sept 9 about the T. I had very high E an he lowered my E to 1/3. I should be in range now. Lower E is tough too. I will see what my blood test shows.

So now that I do not need to think about 3rd gen chemo an the sides, I nee to rethink the next 5 years. I was thinking I was going to go through a tough time so I got a septum piercing, small and cute. I have a Japanese sleeve and a trans flag colors flower right sleeve. I am in the process of getting my back and butt done (9 tailed fox). I had three 6-7 hour sessions and after the last session I got 6 tubes of numbing cream.

I really want a relationship instead of parties. I have been with "a few" guys and 4 woman post op. Woman are more attractive to me. So I have a lot to think about. 

[Rachel]

So the breakdown of the white blood test results came in the the new oncologist that said I did not have cancer and I make cll, t-lgl and cml cells in my genes and not from clones sent a message attached with the results.

Recap old Oncologist
From my past oncologist tests I have the Philadelphia mutation, BCR-ALB1 mutation (cml and aml are derived from the mutation). I have T315I mutation and gen 1 and 2 chemo would not be effective. Leaving the first line of defense gen 3 chemo. I have an issue with T-LGL and CLL cells. 

New Oncologist
He said in the first visit post blood test I do not have gene mutations and my genes make the CLL, CML and T-LGL cells and there are no treatments available.

New Oncologist message
You have a large population of T-LGL cells ( 18% of all WBC and 28% of lymphocytes) and we need to look closely at your clonality study. I do not have a warm and fuzzy with this doctor. He is very handsome, young and captivating.

So I heard I do not have gene mutations and now I question his statements. My red blood cells and platelets are low. This morning in the gym I ran out of energy to complete my last three exercises. I was light headed, tired and winded. I will be back in the gym tomorrow to finish and maybe try a new exercise or two.

I got 2 sleeve tattoo and am working on my back and butt. I always wanted a female Japanese suit. Next are legs and lower butt. I also got a 2011 GT500 andthen there s the septum piercing (small cute ring). I am off prep and have not had sex for 8 months since the bone marrow biopsies. I have not been sick or had a UTI for at least a year. So my WBC are about as good as I am going to get them. I did the above thinking CLL usually is something you die with, there is no treatment.  T-LGL is usually something you die with and I could take methotrexate to low my immune system. CML is an issue, gen 3 chemo, stem cell and cart. Then there was the you do not have mutations and now we need to look closely at the gene mutation study.

I went from live life to the fullest time is short to google and not find anything on what he said I have to oh, wait you may have gene mutations.

Then I remember asking then why do the hematology reports say CLL, CML, T-LGL and T315I? He said he would need to re-read the reports. Now I think he may have read the reports and is back peddling.   

I have these guys calling me and texting me and I need to say something other than I am taking a break. One guy is very cute, long hair and is 29, very hot and proportioned very well.

Being trans is lonely enough, then I have a group in a community and I can not participate. I pass and a bunch of the guys I did not disclose to.

Now for something completely different
Gym Girl is back from the Jersey Shore. HUUUM

 

[Rachel]

I am thinking about a few things.

I have a trans friend stay at the house 4 nights a week. She lives 4 hours away and works as a risk manager for a county. She is married and we are just friends. So we were just talking on night and she said I am not trans. She said I am intersexed and that is different. I did not say anything to her but it felt I did not fit in anywhere. I know that is just her opinion not how I see myself and that I am trans. I hope others do not see intersexed people as not in the community.

I am waiting to see what my clonality is for the three different types of white blood cells that are not correct. I received a message from the Oncologist when the flow cytology results came back. He said he would need to look at the clonality report very closely.  I have not been sick since last year nor have I had a UTI. I am very apprehensive to get a flue vaccination and the newest covid vaccination. I will get them but I just hope it does not do anything to my white blood cell count.

I was reading the T-LGL is very hard to diagnose. One of the things is persistent high T-LGL over 6 months. It has been since May 2023 when they did the first flow cytology. Then I thought, I do not want to take methotrexate so just let things be. I feel ok and I can do my gym routine so I think all is extremely well.

So I am thinking totally different now than a year ago. I am not going to die from Leukemia(s). I got two sleeve tattoos and I am getting my back and butt tattooed. I got a GT500 too. I love the car and the tattoos. I never would have done this if I did not think a health hell was coming. Now a year and a half later I am thinking all is ok. Now I need to focus on living and having fun.

I guess the one thing this scare has me also doing differently is I am taking T sub Q. I am taking less than prescribed and I reviewed this with my provider. I am doing a lot better than I have been the last 8 years. T definitely helps with orgasms.

 

 

[Lori Dee]

While in the service, we had no choice but to take the flu vaccine among others. I got sick every time. They say that is what is supposed to happen, that is how your immune system learns.

I got out of the service in March 1990. I have not had a flu shot since then, and I have never had the flu. I refused the COVID and flu vaccines, but I agreed to shingles. I had chicken pox as a kid, so it makes sense to get the shingles vaccine. I got sick. Very sick. Never again.

[Lilis]

I have a trans friend stay at the house 4 nights a week. She lives 4 hours away and works as a risk manager for a county. She is married and we are just friends. So we were just talking on night and she said I am not trans. She said I am intersexed and that is different. I did not say anything to her but it felt I did not fit in anywhere. I know that is just her opinion not how I see myself and that I am trans.

Oh my, I thought gender identity is a psychological concept related to a person's internal sense of self, and intersex is a medical condition related to a person's physical sex characteristics, and not all intersex people identify as transgender or gender non-conforming, and not all transgender or gender non-conforming people are intersex.

I am sure you know this, and I want to say that I am sorry that you are going through this.

I hope others do not see intersexed people as not in the community.

Unfortunately, in my own opinion I think human nature plagues to a certain degree, all communities either trans or cis or something else. Someone, a trans person I met at a local event, try convincing me that my gender identity that I identify by is incorrect. I told them that their comments were insulting to me, and I was removing myself from the conversation. They said that is ridiculous and ask me what did they do or say that it was insulting to me?

I did not answer them, I am not the one to educate strangers IRL, or to point out their ignorance, I simply just walked away.

I am waiting to see what my clonality is for the three different types of white blood cells that are not correct. I received a message from the Oncologist when the flow cytology results came back. He said he would need to look at the clonality report very closely.  I have not been sick since last year nor have I had a UTI. I am very apprehensive to get a flue vaccination and the newest covid vaccination. I will get them but I just hope it does not do anything to my white blood cell count.

I was reading the T-LGL is very hard to diagnose. One of the things is persistent high T-LGL over 6 months. It has been since May 2023 when they did the first flow cytology. Then I thought, I do not want to take methotrexate so just let things be. I feel ok and I can do my gym routine so I think all is extremely well.

So I am thinking totally different now than a year ago. I am not going to die from Leukemia(s).

That's great news, sending hugs and positive positive vibes your way.

So I am thinking totally different now than a year ago. I am not going to die from Leukemia(s). I got two sleeve tattoos and I am getting my back and butt tattooed. I got a GT500 too. I love the car and the tattoos. I never would have done this if I did not think a health hell was coming. Now a year and a half later I am thinking all is ok. Now I need to focus on living and having fun.

This is a great attitude to live by, sometimes I forget just to be grateful to able to wake up to see another day.

Looks like a excellent choice, I looked up the GT500, it looks like a hell of a machine, enjoy!

[Rachel]

@Lori Dee, @Lilis thank you for your support.

I was leaving Costco Sunday. A new black mustang 5.0 pulled up next to me and the lowered the window. The driver, female, said nice car is it manual. I said yes and she said so is hers. Both were 100 percent black inside and out. The cars sounded awesome accelerating down the road.

I am off of PrEP. I have not been with someone since 1/23. I still have guys texting me and messaging me. I know I am pan and poly and abstinence is tough. I have friends that go to parties and they always invite me and give a report the next day. I miss the community. I really wanted to get a girlfriend but not going to parties really reduces the odds.

So when I had FFS in 2015 I had a lot of work done. It has been 9 years and I have developed some skin laxity in the lower face. I have watched a few YouTubes  that feature Ellacore and I want to find out more such as best price in my area, pain and recovery. The question is do I get ellacore or a VMP3R for the mustang.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so Happy Thanksgiving. I have not been sick in 2 years (almost) and I feel good. My RBC and platelets are low and WBC are high but nothing extreme. Eventually I will get sick and then I will see how I make out.

So I really want to join or participate in a female social circle. Basically I want to make more friends and maybe find someone.

SOOOOOOOO now for something entirely different.
I have been busy. I have both arms and now back and top of the butt tattooed. I have 3 appointments scheduled to start my legs. I am doing Japanese by an awesome artist. My back is a Kitsune and my arms are flowers. The theme will all be the summer season. I will have 2 goldfish on the back of left leg. I am very excited to continue.

I have been preparing for an experiment. I just ordered the last components. It involves lasers and other items. I have a 1.2 watt green and 10 watt blue output lasers. I am learning a lot and hope to repeat an experiment with some changes.

I am keeping busy at work. We are building a 385,000 gsf and a 1.2 million GSF research and hospital respectively. This is out 4th hospital. We have 7 stem cell production labs and we are building 10 more. We are doing FDA trials for a treatment for sickle cell. Researchers here developed the CART T Cell treatment. We are also working on the "extend" project. Work is very busy.