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Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

Started by imallie, January 03, 2024, 08:53:54 PM

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LoriDee

I think shaving is a smart idea. If the topper is tugging at the hairs, it could be painful and possibly damage the follicles. You don't need that. I forgot to mention, the prescription strength of the Rogaine they sent me is for men.
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
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imallie

Quote from: LoriDee on May 21, 2024, 09:36:40 PMI think shaving is a smart idea. If the topper is tugging at the hairs, it could be painful and possibly damage the follicles. You don't need that. I forgot to mention, the prescription strength of the Rogaine they sent me is for men.

Gotcha. And yes, I would shave it... but obviously I think I'd like to give it a shot first to see if I can fill it in enough to bead it. That would be so much better. To not have to deal with tape at all, you know?

When I've been putting on the topper at home (mostly just for practice putting it on) I'm obviously not doing the tape... seems like it would be a waste. But it's also obvious what a major difference it makes not having it be secure in the front.

Let me know if the script works for you! I'm curious!!!
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Moonflower

Quote from: imallie on May 21, 2024, 09:33:21 PMIs Minoxidyl much stronger than Rogaine?

Rogaine is the brand name for 5% Minoxidil. Minoxidil is available in several strengths (%) by prescription. A former dermatologist of mine prescribed a specific 7% formulation that cost a fortune, so we never tried it. We understood that it works best on recently-lost hairs.

Minoxidil was originally prescribed in pill form for high blood pressure.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6691938/
Doctors noticed that increased hair growth (including facial hair) was a side effect of the oral dose. When applied to the scalp, it should only increase hair growth where it touches. Foam seems to be easier to use than the liquidy solution. Lots more info at that government website.
:icon_wave:
1999 we met and married :icon_archery:
Fall 2018 The woman hiding behind my husband's facade is coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began MTF HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on transitioning medically.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 her cardiologist and a therapist wrote letters approving of resuming HRT, she's legally changing her name, and now she's getting on the calendar for gender surgery!

Welcome, to Significant Others
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247396.0.html

Our transitioning blog, "Opening The Cage"
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,241591.0.html
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imallie

Quote from: Moonflower on May 22, 2024, 04:41:54 AMRogaine is the brand name for 5% Minoxidil. Minoxidil is available in several strengths (%) by prescription. A former dermatologist of mine prescribed a specific 7% formulation that cost a fortune, so we never tried it. We understood that it works best on recently-lost hairs.

Minoxidil was originally prescribed in pill form for high blood pressure.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6691938/
Doctors noticed that increased hair growth (including facial hair) was a side effect of the oral dose. When applied to the scalp, it should only increase hair growth where it touches. Foam seems to be easier to use than the liquidy solution. Lots more info at that government website.

Thanks! Now that I'm not in the fog of migraine and Vicodin, I believe I knew a BIT of that. 😂 But that's helpful.

And yeah, if it's wildly pricey I'm not sure I'd go for it... especially since this isn't recent hair loss. I would literally never have even bothered with this idea, had not the salon owner and the stylist said that they thought it might help someone like me. I figure they'd seen it pretty often.

So it's worth exploring. Thanks again for the info and link. ❤️
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imallie

So as we prepare for this next (and final) round of "the telling" I'm working simultaneously on the note (a fun-sized version of letter) and the list.  One of the list issues is a bit geeky, but it relates to my fantasy baseball league.

And while I know that sounds like a bit of nonsense, our league is one of the oldest in the country — we've been together since 1989. So two of the members were in the original six I've already told, and another of the original six was a founding member of the league who left like 20 years ago.

But even so, the remaining members are all people I've known for quite some time, so they are on the list — except for one member. We have a new guy this year. And him, I barely know at all.

So the question is - do I need to tell him just for the sake of completing the set? Or, more, seriously... is it really nice to tell the others and then immediately ask them to keep a secret from "the new guy"? But on the other hand, this seems like a DRAMATIC elevation in the relationship between me and this new guy, you know? Uncomfortably so — for him, I would gather.

So this morning, I called one of the two league members who knows to get his advice. He is the one who brought the "new guy" into league. And so I thought he'd help me navigate this.

He certainly did.

Because he told me "Oh, uh... yeah, I already told him."

🙄😮🤔😂

I mean, WTF?

He said that the new guy bumped on my long hair at our draft (which was done via Zoom) and when they were talking shortly after my friend got the letter, new guy brought it up again... and, somehow one thing led to another and he told him.  Oh and he was fine with it. He's a doctor and he has patients, blah blah blah... all good.

So as I said to my wife, there are two ways to take this:

1. Be ticked off that, yet again, someone else just has gone and told my story without asking.

2. Look at this like there was an issue, and now that issue is sorted out.

With all the other things going on in our lives, I told her we should absolutely just go with #2. She laughed and agreed.

This is just further proof that we have NO IDEA nor NO CONTROL over who knows ... and once we told my sisters, from that day forward we knew again we never would. Any time we get deluded into thinking that things are operating on our timeline, reality slaps us in the face with a mackerel.

So... now it just means we really need to hurry up and get the note out. Because really as long as we make sure we've told the people whom we want to hear it from us... if/when other people find out was and never really will be in our control.

Love,
Allie
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LoriDee

#845
Give me coffee for the things I can change.
Give me wine for the things I cannot.

I think you have it right. Talk to the people you want to hear it from you. The rest will take care of themselves.
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
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Oldandcreaky

Allie, I understood people talking when I transitioned, but I'll never understand people talking without my explicit consent after 20, 30, and 40 years.

"Really? Really, I want to say. "That's still the most interesting thing about me, the thing that you think summarizes me?"

I was gone for a bit because I couldn't log onto Susan's. Was that just me?
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LoriDee

It was everyone. The server was down over the weekend.
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on May 22, 2024, 02:44:15 PMAllie, I understood people talking when I transitioned, but I'll never understand people talking without my explicit consent after 20, 30, and 40 years.

"Really? Really, I want to say. "That's still the most interesting thing about me, the thing that you think summarizes me?"

I was gone for a bit because I couldn't log onto Susan's. Was that just me?

If you scroll up you'll see I made a delightlful droll joke about the outage and how it was my fault. They say if you can make just one person laugh?... well, that means you are decidedly not very funny as far as I understand it. But Lori liked the joke, so I can live with that. 😘

And yes, I made peace with people talking. I just said to my wife this evening "I have to stop asking people if they have told anyone, especially if I really don't want to hear the answer.."

I just trimmed the list down for the "note" I am going to send to a tight 25.  This will be the final group whom I tell myself. After that... it's out in the world.

Well, my wife still has to tell her work folks at some point.

But other than that, it'll spread how it will spread... and we will probably just post some pics on facebook at some point. Not like "look at me, I'm in transition" photos... but more like, "hey here we are on vacation" stuff we normally do... only I'll be the real me.

The people who know, will know. The people who didn't at that point... will catch up real fast.

Love,
Allie

P.S. to be more specific, though. We are going to Washington DC for a week in early June. I will 100% be dressed for many of our days there... it's a good way to start getting comfortable. And we will certainly take pics. But we aren't sure if we will share those pics beyond family. We might only share the pics when I'm in guy mode on FB for now.  We really haven't decided.

LoriDee

Or pics of the sights with no one in them?
I haven't been to DC since the 70s.
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
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imallie

Quote from: LoriDee on May 22, 2024, 10:11:07 PMOr pics of the sights with no one in them?
I haven't been to DC since the 70s.

When it comes to nature — I'm on board with that. But otherwise, I feel like what is a photo of a place without people in it? A postcard. I very much know that's not a majority opinion but that's kind of where I land.

And wow... not since the 70's! We thought not going in about a dozen years was a lot!

We were just laughing about how the last time we went, my college roommate got us a private tour of the capitol and the White House for me, my wife and our son.

And now 12 years later, last week our son said "Let me know if you want me to arrange a private tour of the Capitol for you."

Life moves pretty darn fast.
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LoriDee

Yeah, it was a weird situation when I went. I had just received a bonus check from the Army. I was on leave and hanging out with a friend. We were having coffee one Saturday morning trying to decide what to do. She said, "Have you ever been to Washington, DC?". I said I hadn't and she hadn't either. So we caught the next flight out of Louisville. We spent the day walking around, then when it got dark we flew back. Not much of a visit, but now we both can claim we have been there, and done that.

The following weekend, we were doing the same thing trying to decide what to do that day. She wanted to visit some friends in Indianapolis. She said she hitchhikes there all the time. Truck drivers pick you up and she has never had an issue. So we hitchhiked, and a driver gave us a ride (a car not a truck) and dropped us off right at the door. I was amazed! Later that night, we headed home. It started raining hard. We walked a long way, but a truck driver picked us up and got us close to Louisville so we could walk another few miles to her house. That was the last time I hitchhiked anywhere. The following week I bought a car.
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
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imallie

Quote from: LoriDee on May 23, 2024, 10:31:00 AMYeah, it was a weird situation when I went. I had just received a bonus check from the Army. I was on leave and hanging out with a friend. We were having coffee one Saturday morning trying to decide what to do. She said, "Have you ever been to Washington, DC?". I said I hadn't and she hadn't either. So we caught the next flight out of Louisville. We spent the day walking around, then when it got dark we flew back. Not much of a visit, but now we both can claim we have been there, and done that.

The following weekend, we were doing the same thing trying to decide what to do that day. She wanted to visit some friends in Indianapolis. She said she hitchhikes there all the time. Truck drivers pick you up and she has never had an issue. So we hitchhiked, and a driver gave us a ride (a car not a truck) and dropped us off right at the door. I was amazed! Later that night, we headed home. It started raining hard. We walked a long way, but a truck driver picked us up and got us close to Louisville so we could walk another few miles to her house. That was the last time I hitchhiked anywhere. The following week I bought a car.

That's quite a story, Lori!

You were really on the tail end of hitchhiking as an everyday occurrence kind of thing... before, as with so many things, it got forever ruined by people exploiting the system for evil.

Question - did you wear your uniform when you hitched rides?

The reason I ask is, my dad used to tell stories of how he would hitch rides from Hartford to Brooklyn to see his beloved Dodgers all the time when he was on leave from the Navy, and he just put on his uniform and he'd have rides in an instant. But THAT was in the 50's.

The 70's... post Vietnam... I'm wondering how that played out for you. I would hope it still garnered the respect you deserved, but (and I was just a kid then so it's sketchy to me ... mostly what I read and remember from TV) it seems like it would have been a decidedly mixed bag.
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LoriDee

I was on vacation so did not wear the uniform. I was fortunate that I did not receive open hostility. It wasn't like today when people thank you for your service.

My Dad would pick up sailors hitching IF, and only IF, they were walking. Often we would see them on the side of the road lying down on their dufflebag. He would keep on driving. He taught us, "We only help those who help themselves." His first job was setting pins at a bowling alley before machines did it. He would hitch five miles to and from work. Sometimes a farmer would give him a ride. Sometimes he walked the whole distance... in the snow... uphill both ways.  ;D
My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
  •  

imallie

So I think we've locked the final version of the "note" that will go out to the rest of the people I'd like to hear the news directly from us, likely tomorrow. In case something like this is helpful at all to anyone by way of example... I'll post a slightly edited version below.

Love,
Allie

-------------
First of all, I apologize for sending this note rather than having this discussion in person, but as I will explain, I really think it's for the best. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
There is a bit of news I have wanted to share for quite some time  – I am trans.

I know this must be shocking, and for that I'm sorry. But I'm still the same person you've always known. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember – going back to very vivid memories in third grade.  Most of my life since has just been feeling as if something was wrong with me, that I was broken, and hoping and wishing it would all go away.

I've actually been in transition for nearly three years now, and on hormones for more than 12 months. All that's really changing is the packaging. The biggest change – beyond the physical – is that I feel so much more like "me" than I have ever felt in my life. It's pretty great.

To begin with - please don't concern yourself with replying or reaching out if you do not wish to do so. I simply wanted to make sure you got the news from me before you heard it from someone else. We told our families in April and began spreading the word beyond that afterwards. Once we lost full control over the information, our main priority was telling the people important to us before they heard it second hand.  I just want to assure you this note does not come with an obligation.

As it stands, support has been more than I ever imagined. I really thought I was going to deal with this alone the rest of my life. But as time passed the burden just got too heavy to bear alone and so about three years ago I finally sought professional help.

My therapist has been a godsend. We spent a lot of time on what was really the most important issue to me – how this would impact [my wife] and [our son]. I told her that so long as they were on my side, I could face anything.
 
[My wife],unsurprisingly, has been incredible in ways I can neither fully explain nor ever sufficiently appreciate. But I am trying. Today, I think we are better than ever as we plan the rest of our lives together and navigate this adventure. She has known for nearly two years.

We waited to tell [our son] until earlier this year. I won't bore you with all the details, but my doctors had concerns about the interactions between hormones and my cluster/migraines, and it really wasn't until late last year that we were in the clear and we could tell him.  He was, in a word, incredible.

Thus far, the support from family and friends has been amazing. We hope all that continues, and that those closest to us continue to want to be part of our lives, but the reality is that not everyone will.

Anyway, there's lots more I could tell you, and I'm happy to chat about any/all of it if you'd like. But again if this is either something you're not able to support, you need time to process things, or simply do not wish to reach out in return, please know that I will of course understand completely.

With love,
[new name]



LoriDee

My Life is Based on a True Story.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.0.html

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.


2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - Legal Name Change / 2024 - Voice Training
  • skype:.?call
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Oldandcreaky

That's the letter that we should all write, Allie.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on May 24, 2024, 11:01:52 AMThat's the letter that we should all write, Allie.

Thanks! The letter to family and friends had more detail (not too much) and saved the part about contacting me until the end.

But with this group... I try to put myself into the mind of the reader. They are immediately going to go to "how does this impact me? Do I have come up with a response for this?"... so being explicit and taking them off the hook up top... and THEN giving them a bit of history, I think allows them to relax into subject matter.

A big long letter of navel-gazing serves no purpose whatsoever.

That's where I landed, anyway.
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imallie

The plan was to blast out the note this evening. It was a beautiful night here (you know, typical mid-May Friday evening in Massachusetts at a beautiful 80 degrees ;D ). Took in a baseball game... walked around the park... had dinner, watched some of the game... planned out our weekend and came home.

And once home... I just didn't feel like dealing with it tonight. Plain and simple.

Even as I sit here right now, I'm tempted to send out some 2 am emails... but think that's not necessary. So I'll do it sometime this weekend.

Why the hesitation? Don't know. Sometimes... you're just not up for it, I guess.

------------

So here's tomorrow's plan.

Get up. Wig up.... and we're going to head the mall to shop for new glasses. That will be my first "outing", I guess. And assuming I do buy something... it'll be the first time I'll have to have one of those conversations where I'm showing my male ID while I very much do not look like that.  Very glad it will me and my wife on that one.

But from there we will go right out to lunch, and this time... it'll be a local spot at which we frequent. Not one of our top 2-3 places, but definitely a place where we go monthly...and about 1/2 the staff know us and some even know our drink / appetizer orders. So that will be another level up from last week's outing.

After that, in the evening, we're meeting the boy for dinner at one of our favorite sushi spots (if it seems like we go out to eat a lot... hmmm... I guess we do? But really just a few times each weekend). At this place the owner always goes out of his way to come over to the table and chat, and often sends us extra dishes, or make something special and off menu for us... which is very cool.

I am not sure, however, if I will still have my hair on for dinner. I'm sure if we ask our son he'll say he'd be fine with it. But partly I'll have had it on since 8 am... and that might have been enough by that point. I guess it will largely depend on how the  day has gone up to that point.

Anyway, that's the update...

Love,
Allie
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davina61

One day you will feel "lost" without your hairy hat, I dont wear mine in the house or when in my workshop (I wear an old one to go there) but I wont go out without it.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
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