So I think we've locked the final version of the "note" that will go out to the rest of the people I'd like to hear the news directly from us, likely tomorrow. In case something like this is helpful at all to anyone by way of example... I'll post a slightly edited version below.
Love,
Allie
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First of all, I apologize for sending this note rather than having this discussion in person, but as I will explain, I really think it's for the best.
There is a bit of news I have wanted to share for quite some time – I am trans.
I know this must be shocking, and for that I'm sorry. But I'm still the same person you've always known. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember – going back to very vivid memories in third grade. Most of my life since has just been feeling as if something was wrong with me, that I was broken, and hoping and wishing it would all go away.
I've actually been in transition for nearly three years now, and on hormones for more than 12 months. All that's really changing is the packaging. The biggest change – beyond the physical – is that I feel so much more like "me" than I have ever felt in my life. It's pretty great.
To begin with - please don't concern yourself with replying or reaching out if you do not wish to do so. I simply wanted to make sure you got the news from me before you heard it from someone else. We told our families in April and began spreading the word beyond that afterwards. Once we lost full control over the information, our main priority was telling the people important to us before they heard it second hand. I just want to assure you this note does not come with an obligation.
As it stands, support has been more than I ever imagined. I really thought I was going to deal with this alone the rest of my life. But as time passed the burden just got too heavy to bear alone and so about three years ago I finally sought professional help.
My therapist has been a godsend. We spent a lot of time on what was really the most important issue to me – how this would impact [my wife] and [our son]. I told her that so long as they were on my side, I could face anything.
[My wife],unsurprisingly, has been incredible in ways I can neither fully explain nor ever sufficiently appreciate. But I am trying. Today, I think we are better than ever as we plan the rest of our lives together and navigate this adventure. She has known for nearly two years.
We waited to tell [our son] until earlier this year. I won't bore you with all the details, but my doctors had concerns about the interactions between hormones and my cluster/migraines, and it really wasn't until late last year that we were in the clear and we could tell him. He was, in a word, incredible.
Thus far, the support from family and friends has been amazing. We hope all that continues, and that those closest to us continue to want to be part of our lives, but the reality is that not everyone will.
Anyway, there's lots more I could tell you, and I'm happy to chat about any/all of it if you'd like. But again if this is either something you're not able to support, you need time to process things, or simply do not wish to reach out in return, please know that I will of course understand completely.
With love,
[new name]