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Personal safety

Started by Jessica_Rose, January 05, 2024, 06:41:31 PM

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Jessica_Rose

What do you do to feel safe, especially when venturing into unknown places?

Transitioning made me feel more vulnerable. Becoming a woman made me feel more like a target, and being transgender just added another layer of potential violence. I think we all know to lock the doors and windows, and if walking outside at night we should try to stay in well-lit areas and travel in pairs. Keeping your cell phone fully charged is important, but so is paying attention to your surroundings instead of staring at the phone constantly.

Although we live in a subdivision, there are no houses behind us -- just a small meadow and forest. I installed some motion-sensor lights and a security camera, but that doesn't always deter would-be criminals. I keep a firearm within arms reach of our bed, with an attached light. Having a light will help me find anything that goes 'bump' in the night, and it will help identify any potential threats.

When I'm out, I always carry pepper spray. It doesn't take up much room in a pocket or purse, and I can take it everywhere (except on airplanes). It's inexpensive, and it can easily be replaced (at least in most states).

When I'm on the road, I have a firearm. I try not to travel much at night, but I often travel through remote areas which don't have a lot of traffic. If I have car trouble or need to change a tire, no telling who may stop to offer help.

Some people may think I'm paranoid, but I prefer not to be a victim. Just because you're not paranoid, it doesn't mean no one is after you.

Be safe -- Jessica Rose

P.S. - Please don't turn this into a thread about firearms. It should just be general information about the things you do to stay safe.
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BlueJaye

I learned to box. Unless you're armed, or are yourself a skilled fighter, I will end you rather quickly. If you are armed, it wouldn't matter what I have to defend myself with, I'm not Neo from the Matrix and can't stop bullets. But honestly, I really never feel like I am in danger. I travel a ton for work, alone, and have only felt that my life was in danger once. I was in Wichita, KS once, before I transitioned. I had stopped at a Walmart at night to get some bathroom supplies before heading to my hotel room for the night. I think the local criminals spotted my rental car's out of town plates and targeted me.

As I got into my rental car, a rather unkempt and suspicious looking woman approached my window and knocked on it. I was able to get the door shut and locked before she grabbed for the handle. I noticed two men approaching from behind, one on each side in the side view mirrors. I started the car, slammed the shifter into drive, and floored it. Drove around town in random directions for about half an hour to make sure nobody was following me, then headed to my hotel.

Other than that, I have never felt truly in danger from other people in the general public.
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Allie Jayne

I have travelled around my country to cities and regional centres, with as friend and by myself, and I have never felt unsafe, but I live in Australia. I do worry about travel overseas though as so many countries are dangerous for trans people. So if I am considering travel outside my country, I check the LBGTQIA+ friendliness of my destination, then each country en route where there is even a remote chance my plane may need to stop. One of the contributing factors in getting GRS was so my body would match my passport ID in a scan or body search.

I have never felt the need to carry a weapon, and my time in martial arts training taught me that defence skills need to be regularly practised and maintained or they can become a liability. My old body is beyond defending myself! My instructor taught that the best self defence was situational awareness, that way you can simply plan to avoid risk.

Hugs,

Allie 
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Jessica_K

#3
Pretty much a standard Brit girl, no weapons though I have considered carrying a rape alarm. Pepper spays, knifes, and obviously guns are illegal to carry and it would be considered GBH if a pepper spay is used as self defence plea is tenuous.


One of the biggest threat here to women is drink spiking so I would never accept a drink from anyone that is not a good friend and watch it being made even then.



I am not afraid of driving anywhere in the uk and most of the world but do take more precautions in countries that are less safe than home. I would buy a pepper spray in the US for example, not that the US is unsafe but with the huge proliferation of guns for good and bad I would feel safer if I had something.



I travel a lot for work, these days only in the UK but I am travelling alone so although travelling in groups or pairs is safer I do not always have the opportunity. When I am in Welwyn I tend to ask my friends Nithin, Emmma, and Maisie etc if they fancy dinner out. The company is good and I feel better.


Keep safe everyone, including men, statically men are more likely to get attacked and killed than women, but women get the headlines



Hugs
Jessica xxx

PS WTx is going on with my phone editing now!!! All my formatting is gone in the preview so if it's also in the post I apologise.
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 05, 2024, 06:41:31 PMbut so is paying attention to your surroundings instead of staring at the phone constantly.

I remember reading an essay about staying aware and the writer stated how victims often allege, "He came out of nowhere."

And the writer correctly stated that no one comes out of nowhere, that the victim simply failed to be alert.

One night was walking around midnight through an iffy neighborhood and my spidey sense started tingling, so I moved off the sidewalk to the center of the street and kept my head on a swivel. Behind me off to my left was a grinning guy, so I kept turning to look at him until I reached busy block and he turned away. When I reached home, my roommate was relieved I was there because several women had been attacked that night on that iffy stretch. So, keep your spidey sense oiled.
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: Jessica_K on January 06, 2024, 03:52:58 AMKeep safe everyone, including men, statically men are more likely to get attacked and killed than women, but women get the headlines

Exactly. However, when women are attacked, it's most likely to be familiars who are the perps, i.e. friends and family. So, the cinematic trope of a women fumbling with her keys trying to reach the safety of her home is false, for her home is where she's most likely to be assaulted.
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big kim

The best bit of self defence is to not be there. I avoid war zones in my area wherever possible.I try to be home by dark & stick to well lit busy strets in the day. Though I'm 66 I can still look after myself. We can't carry weapons in England but I will use makeshift weapons. I carry a tailcomb & have no problem using it if I can't finish a fight with my fists & boots. I also wear my hair up with a fork or stick which I will use if necessary.

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BlueJaye

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 06, 2024, 07:25:06 AMI remember reading an essay about staying aware and the writer stated how victims often allege, "He came out of nowhere."

And the writer correctly stated that no one comes out of nowhere, that the victim simply failed to be alert.

This, all the way. I am constantly telling my kids to be more aware of their surroundings and the people around them. I grew up in an abusive home and learned very early to by extremely vigilant of my surroundings, people's body language, and people's tone of voice. My kids, on the other hand, did not have to develop as much of a sense of their surroundings. Nobody materializes out of thin air and does bad stuff. I tell them that if a situation doesn't feel right, just assume that it isn't. The old saying "better safe than sorry" is good advice that never goes out of fashion.
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ChrissyRyan

Always be careful.  Consider carrying pepper spray in your purse.

Many ladies legally carry a gun, but please get safety training and training range practice for those.

Try to be with another. 

As a man you may not often look behind you and around you in a parking garage or outside any building as you leave; but for me as a MTF woman that has changed.  Call this behavior sensing what is around you.


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.
Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Be brave, be strong.  Try a little kindness.  I am a brown eyed brunette. 
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Maid Marion

We were packing up our exhibit after a convention in the Hartford Civic Center.
I made sure to leave for the parking lot with another woman so neither of us would be all alone.
Turns out that our cars were parked just twenty feet apart!
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EllenW

I have traveled a lot for business, before, during and after transitioning. I always made sure I was aware of my surrounding, by paying attention to people and cars to make sure I was not being followed. I also listened my coworkers or customers when they advised me to stay out of a specific location.

Ellen
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D'Amalie

I've been known to pass up my house and head for the cop shop if a car has been behind me for a while.
One shouldn't open the book of another's life and jump in the middle.  I am a woman, I'm a mystery.  I still see and hear who I used to be, who I am, who I'm gonna be. - Richelle
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Sarah B

I lived in Redfern, a suburb of Sydney, which is a big city in Australia for 15 years.  I lived near Central Station and of course was also a major bus terminal transfer point for other suburbs.  Hence, I was never alone when I traveled. Meeting strangers if one was on a date I usually meet at a place called Sydney Town Hall steps, a very common meeting place and next to a rail and bus station.

So where ever I went the trains and buses were pretty damn regular.  One of the most important things, that one did and this was before mobile phones were in use (cells for you Americans  ;D ).  When one went out on the town with others and when you got home you rang your best friend that you had arrived safely home.

There was one time I was traveling on a coach, I can't recall where I was going anyway a man sat down next to me, I was next to a window and when the coach was moving he touched me, the first time I said out loudly don't touch me and the second time I screamed out.  He got up and got of the bus.  I was visibly shaken, I still don't get it to this day, nobody came to ask me if I was ok,  even though there were a few people on the couch.

To this day it's not an issue,  I rarely go out on the town these days.    However, in Australia we can travel long distances very easily.  So if I go to my off grid property, I let one of my family members know that I have arrived safely.

Best wishes to one and all
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
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Susan

Personal safety is a multifaceted concern, particularly for women, transgender, and nonbinary individuals, who often face unique and heightened risks. Developing a comprehensive safety strategy involves a blend of awareness, preparation, and self-advocacy.

Awareness and Avoidance are crucial. Being conscious of one's surroundings, especially in unfamiliar or less populated areas, and minimizing distractions can significantly reduce vulnerability. Trusting one's instincts is equally important; if something feels off, it's often safest to err on the side of caution. When traveling, especially at night, selecting routes through well-lit and populated areas can deter potential threats.

The concept of Safety in Numbers is time-tested. Whenever feasible, traveling with a friend or in a group, particularly at night or in unfamiliar territories, can provide a sense of security. Additionally, tapping into community networks, like LGBTQ+ centers or women's groups, can offer support and a sense of collective safety.

Personal Defense is another aspect to consider. Self-defense classes tailored for women, transgender, and nonbinary individuals can provide practical skills and boost confidence. Depending on local laws, carrying self-defense tools like pepper spray or personal alarms might be advisable. However, it's important to be knowledgeable about the legal and practical aspects of these tools.

Regarding Home Security, reinforcing one's living space with good locks and possibly security systems like alarms or motion-sensor lights can create a safer environment. It's also wise to be cautious about the personal information shared publicly, especially on social media, to avoid giving away details like location or times when the house is empty.

Online Safety measures include using privacy settings on social media to limit who can see your posts and personal information. Being mindful about sharing location details, especially in real-time, can prevent unwanted attention and maintain privacy.

Understanding and advocating for one's legal rights is critical, especially in situations where discrimination or targeting might occur. Keeping a list of emergency contacts, including local authorities, legal aid, and supportive organizations, can be invaluable in a crisis.

The Emotional and Mental Well-being aspect should not be overlooked. Building a robust support system of friends, family, or organizations that understand and can offer support is vital. Addressing the mental and emotional impact of safety concerns through professional help, if needed, is equally important.

For those who travel, maintaining the vehicle to prevent breakdowns in isolated areas is sensible. Carrying an emergency kit equipped with essentials like a flashlight, basic tools, and a backup power source for phones can prepare one for unforeseen circumstances.

Ultimately, personal safety is not solely about physical precautions; it's about staying informed, aware, and feeling supported. It involves creating a balanced approach that allows individuals to navigate their lives with confidence and caution.
Susan Larson
Founder
Susan's Place Transgender Resources

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Sarah B

Consideration and the consequences of being a female, where thoughts that ran through my mind at various stages like, can I get a job, being inferior due to the fact that females were the weaker sex, discrimination, being put down, verbally abused, being physically attacked, being raped, attacked or even harmed in some way.

I also had to ensure that I did not put myself in danger of being arrested for some unknown reason during the critical phase.  This phase was the two years before my surgery in 1991.  I certainly did not want to be arrested and hence, stripped searched and slung into jail and suffer the consequences that would eventuate and the ramifications were not pleasant thoughts.

This was a legitimate concern and one of the most prominent fears during this vulnerable stage.  This particular fear went away when I had my surgery.  However, a new concern for me arose and that was being sexually assaulted, over the years this fear abated.

However, given the negative connotations, I still, with utter determination ploughed ahead.  I suppose one would ask why?  I do not really have an answer, suffice to say, that's life and those conditions were just a part of being a female.

I was not immune from the predators, in three incidents, one that I revealed in my previous post.  Two other minor incidents, but I will not elaborate on them too much.  The first one I was being personally examined downstairs by a doctor and I felt uncomfortable.  The second one was when my leg was stroked by a male member in my family (suffice to say he ended up in jail, but not because of me and died of pancreatic cancer) and yet I still remained silent and the vulnerability of being a female and the power of these men, over me, was not lost on me.

I never told anyone in the family, until I told my mum about the incident on the coach.  I was talking to another member of my family, female more than likely, because I would not be discussing female problems per se with any men, anyway we talked about being uncomfortable when being medically examined. 

There I'm saying to others, that if they are assaulted, they should report it to the police.  I never talked about these incidents, years after they happened.  I did not know any better then at the time and this occurred in the early 90's, after my surgery.

Being vulnerable is not pleasant and being silent is not an option for me anymore.

Best wishes for one and all and be safe please.
Sarah B

 
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
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MistressStevie

Situational awareness and the buddy system covers nearly all personal safety situations. Firearms can be comforting to some but are rarely comfortable. 

I remember reading an article where avoiding drugs, alcohol, adultery, and criminal behavior were huge components of personal safety.  I translated that to staying where you have the presumption of regularity.   

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