Gina's journey

[Gina P]

  It's so hard to pick up and move forward knowing all my former history at Susan's is gone. A little history.
     61 years old, living in north western NJ. Have a small farm and 2 horses. Also run a small home improvement company with a couple of employees.
    Came out as trans MTF, in June 22 to my wife and a few friends. Circle grew and by Feb 23, I was out 100%. Started HRT on 8-25-22. Went through the usual thinning of skin, breast growth, greatly reduced muscle mass and strength. Lost weight, gained most of it back, trying to loose it again. Dam holidays! Hands and feet cold all the time now. Working hard on my voice which is very hard, even after a lot of professional training. I train every day but quickly forget and go back to my old voice when in conversation.
    Coming out at a mature age was a bit challenging especially when living in the same small town all my life and now 61. I also own and run my own small business where my customers all know me by my male name. Been married to a wonderful wife for 35 years. How she is coping with this is beyond me. Almost all the people I have told and felt with have been very kind and understanding. If they say anything negative its behind my back and quite frankly who cares what they think.
     I grew up in the 60-70s where parents felt a good spanking/beating would fix all my problems. I had a control freak mother who criticized everything from don't sit with your legs together, every body posture meant something, come your hair this way, wear these clothes, etc.. You don't want to be like 'THEM' do you? Always watching through a crack in the door to see what I was doing. It's amazing how much pain those early years effect, us the rest of our lives. Even writing this brings back many bad memories. Nuff said.
     More about me. I love horseback ridding and own 2 horses which I love trail ridding whenever my wife and I get the chance. Fishing is another love which I don't get to as much as I would like. Something about being out in the woods or on the water that's good for the soul.
      Transitioning: Started counseling before coming out, which helped greatly. HRT through an Endocrinologist. Have my bottom surgery, (vaginoplasty) scheduled for June 12 with Dr. Keith. Having hair removal for that done now. Having some hemeroids banded and fixed now per plastic surgeons advice. And in the process of getting the official name change done with a Feb date before the judge. So that's my life in a nutshell.

[davina61]

Nice to see you back dear, must do a potted intro in my blog.

[Courtney G]

Hey, Gina. Nice start to the new blog. In a few months, it will be many pages long and we'll probably forget about the "crash."

[REM.1126]

I am glad for the recap.  Over the time I have been here, I have gotten a little muddied in my memory of everyone's background.  I think I have mixed some stories and people up. 

[imallie]

I do think that it's nice that we're all doing these recaps. As an admitted comic nerd, it's akin to all the title relaunches the big companies do... hoping that by taking established characters and starting over with a new issue #1 will attract new readers. 

[Oldandcreaky]

I grew up in the 60-70s where parents felt a good spanking/beating would fix all my problems. I had a control freak mother who criticized everything from don't sit with your legs together, every body posture meant something, come your hair this way, wear these clothes, etc.. You don't want to be like 'THEM' do you? Always watching through a crack in the door to see what I was doing. It's amazing how much pain those early years effect, us the rest of our lives. Even writing this brings back many bad memories.

Sweet Athena, that's brutal, Gina. B-R-U-T-A-L. I too struggled to move and sit like a boy. I collected doilies and rhinestones in a cigar box. A cigar box is the perfect place to hide your feminine self. Anyway, back to you: Your childhood reminds me of one of those creepy black and white movies where a woman turns a home into Hell on Earth.

[Oldandcreaky]

Something about being out in the woods or on the water that's good for the soul.

The woods and water are also perfect cover for a boy who's actually a girl. In the woods and on the water, there isn't anyone expecting you to behave like a boy, but when you're in the woods and on the water, everyone thinks you're behaving exactly like a boy.

[Oldandcreaky]

Always watching through a crack in the door to see what I was doing.

^This^ is so twisted. She was the antithesis of what a mother should be.

[Gina P]

    Yes she was a bit of a freak who felt I never did anything of merit. Even after starting my own company and having over 1/2 million in sales, she said you just fell into that. As if I hadn't done anything. Built my own house, with my own hands, electric, plumbing, roof and everything else in between, nothing special. Built a 2 story horse barn, again no big deal. Learned to fix equipment, rebuild car and truck/ tractor motors, no big deal to her. Built and paid for a large gazebo for thier anniversary  15 x15, she wanted arch trim pieces added. Installed a new heating system and zoned the heat in thier home. Put a new motor in dads truck, replaced the clutch in thier car, built a nice brick sidewalk with a garden arch in thier front yard. The list goes on and on. Then before she died, she changes her will to give the lazy granddaughter the farm. Too much pain here. 
   Sorry I'm just venting. Its one of those emotional days. I really should just move to another state. Far, far away. Thanks O & C and the rest for being understanding.
Gina

[Oldandcreaky]

Even after starting my own company and having over 1/2 million in sales.

Big deal.

Built my own house, with my own hands, electric, plumbing, roof and everything else in between.

Something special.

Built a 2 story horse barn.

Big deal.

Learned to fix equipment, rebuild car and truck/ tractor motors.

Big deal.

Built and paid for a large gazebo for their anniversary  15 x15, she wanted arch trim pieces added. Installed a new heating system and zoned the heat in their home. Put a new motor in dads truck, replaced the clutch in their car, built a nice brick sidewalk with a garden arch in their front yard.

Big deal. Big deal. Big deal. Big deal.

Then before she died, she changes her will to give the lazy granddaughter the farm. Too much pain here.

Shameful. I understand your pain. And I am ashamed of her and proud of you.

[Gina P]

Thanks O & C for an understanding ear(eyes). Afraid I over did it yesterday moving some stuff out of the my mom's barn to my shop. Last night my bad hip decided to let me know I had overdone it, and I couldn't walk to the bedroom. I have a crutch in the basement but navigating the steps is a bit scary when I can barely walk. I opened my mouth a few days ago about how even though the doctors said it needs replacement I haven't had a lot of pain lately. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.
I have another appointment with the proctologist today to band another hemeroid. The plastic surgeon doing my bottom surgery asked that they be fixed before the big day. It's a pain in the but but needs to be done.
Gina

[davina61]

I feel for you dear, had to climb in the Austin to reach some fixings and after grovelling on the floor as well my left leg is refusing to work correctly. Just walked to the shop and I was glad to get back home and sit down

[Gina P]

   I took a couple of Motrin this morning and struggled down to the basement to retrieve the crutch. It helped till the Motrin kicked in. Feeling much better now and able to walk. Last night the pain was so intense I was getting sick to my stomach.
   It is that time of year when the Snow Geese are hear in great numbers. We are on one of the wintering grounds where thousands congregate. It is so amazing to see the sky filled with thousands as they fly from a local reservoir to feed in the local farm fields. when they are feeding the sound is deafening and can be heard for miles.

[REM.1126]

Getting old is hard.  I am right there with you, going through similar pains. 

If you need a hip, I'd say go for it.

[TXSara]

Even after starting my own company and having over 1/2 million in sales.

Big deal.

Built my own house, with my own hands, electric, plumbing, roof and everything else in between.

Something special.

Built a 2 story horse barn.

Big deal.

Learned to fix equipment, rebuild car and truck/ tractor motors.

Big deal.

Built and paid for a large gazebo for their anniversary  15 x15, she wanted arch trim pieces added. Installed a new heating system and zoned the heat in their home. Put a new motor in dads truck, replaced the clutch in their car, built a nice brick sidewalk with a garden arch in their front yard.

Big deal. Big deal. Big deal. Big deal.

Then before she died, she changes her will to give the lazy granddaughter the farm. Too much pain here.

Shameful. I understand your pain. And I am ashamed of her and proud of you.

I started to respond to your post, but O&C (like always) says it better than I ever could have.  All of those things are a big deal, and you should be really proud of yourself and your accomplishments.  I'm sorry that she never seemed to acknowledge any of it.

Hugs,

~Sara

[Gina P]

Getting old is hard.  I am right there with you, going through similar pains. 

If you need a hip, I'd say go for it.

Thanks Rachael,
I do need a hip. I have went for cortisone shots and have been trying different meds. Since bottom surgery is only 5 months away and they will be putting me in a position that would not be good for a new hip, it will have to wait. I just over did it and it is already getting less painful. As my strength diminishes I find it easier and easier to overdue it and pull or strain something.
Sarah,
   Many times growing up it was take your punishment like a man or run and hide. I did a lot of both. Time to rise above nit now.
Hugs Gina

[Gina P]

  I had another round of hair removal for my upcoming bottom surgery. The technician said she was amazed that I never flinched. Honestly I didn't thing it was that painful. I had her do my hair below my belly button as well. The skin feels so soft now its amazing. I will have to start getting some done on other parts soon, as I'm so impressed with the results.

   At work: I was forced to relieve my wife of some of her duties with the business after making another big mistake. One of many. I have been forced to assume much of her duties which add a lot of work and stress to my life. I work so hard to save a buck where ever I can then she just drops $3500 in one oops. Some days I feel so emotional I wish I could just cry but I am not able to.

   I had my counseling last night which always helps. I have stretched out the period to only once a month which is not nearly enough. I am in the process of getting my official name change. One of the forms has to be mailed at least 20 days prior to the hearing. I have been trying to mail it for over a month and every time I start looking for an envelope all heck breaks loose and I put it off for another day. Yesterday was no exception except it was 20 days till the court date. Dog goes nuts and starts barking, phone rings, no stamps... I finally went to the post office and mailed it though.

   I must have the best customer base in the world. A customer who I hadn't seen in a while says hello but the look on his face showed the confusion. After I finished my work I told him I was now Gina. I was met with congratulations and then, "No sense DICKING around get it done and be happy" We both had a good laugh at his choice of words.
Gina

[Gina P]

I had my trans group meeting Saturday night. A different person ran the meeting which made for a much lighter and very fun meeting. I had not been to a meeting since October and many were amazed at how great I looked. It was so uplifting. Seeing myself daily it is hard to see the changes until you look back. I came home feeling great. I open my email Sunday morning and there is the lawyers motion for reimbursement. Then all the bad memories come crashing down on me and I go into a crash. Blow my diet and eat, eat. I also look at places to move to. Dreaming of leaving all this behind. 
I was able to fix my boiler Sunday before the cold snap hits. A zone valve had broke and reduced how much heat went into the living room. In the afternoon I cut some fire wood. Heating my home with only firewood saves me a lot of money but requires a great deal of time cutting and feeding the wood.
Gina

[Maid Marion]

Hi Gina,

Sorry to hear about the money troubles.

I am very lucky that our family is wealthy enough to give away real estate to charity and let them deal with it!  We have no kids and that would have happened anyway.  So why not do it now and save ourselves the hassle?  Out of the box thinking that most people would not even consider. 

Marion

[Oldandcreaky]

I open my email Sunday morning and there is the lawyers motion for reimbursement.

What does ^this^ mean, Gina?