Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

Sarah B's Story

Started by Sarah B, January 31, 2024, 06:16:09 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Sarah B

Synopsis

Obviously, I'm going to blog what basically encapsulates what Sarah has done during her life time, from when she was a young girl to the present day woman.  It is just an overall view of what happened, my thoughts, what I did, what I achieved before, what I achieved after I changed my life around and dreams and plans for the future.  It will convey a sense of who I am,

I will still be very private in nature when I'm writing about myself.  You ask what about the part about being quiet and shy.  Unfortunately, I have grown up and matured and someone said, when I asked about those two traits said, "you are not", I guess I have mellowed in my old age and being quiet and shy no longer serves me, like when I was younger.

So with out further ado, I present my stories.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Sarah B

Childhood Memories

I have lived my life as me.  From the beginning as a child that remembers even at kindergarten or even preschool.  I can remember vividly standing in a room with other children and presumably some teachers or carers.  I was looking at a pile of clothes on the floor in the middle of the room.  I don't know, if my memories can recall my age at the time.  I don't think so, however, going back that far and trying to think how old I was at the time would give an indication of when all this started.  Likely around the ages of 4 to 6 years old.

Anyway, I was looking at this pile of clothes and wondering if there are any girl clothes that I could pull from the pile and wear.  The question in regards to this was why would I think this?  This would not be answered by me personally until around the beginning of the year 2010, 52 years later, yikes talk about being kept in the dark!  Or more likely so naive, it's not funny, actually thinking about it is funny and clarification on this and hesitation on my part in regards to this particular situation, forms part of who I am to this day and one further point is that I did not search for any of the why questions and no it did not bother me as to why I did not care.

Hesitation abounded me or filled me from head to toe.  What if someone could see me if I did?  Eventually, I stepped forward to towards that pile of clothes and I rummaged through that enticing pile of clothes, anticipating on finding an article of clothing I would have liked, but to no avail.  As an aside, I wonder what I would have done if I found something nice?  I guess I will never know the answer to that question and I will always cherish this wonderful moment in my life.

Further incidences or activities come to mind, these were brief moments in time and not much detail can be attributed to them.

While on recess, or playtime, games that were played by the girls were general jacks or hop scotch, don't ask me why I did not play with the boys.  I just basically watched the girls play, maybe I just like the games they were playing, however there is that nagging feeling that I should not play those games given that I was not a girl.  So funny that!  I did not realise that I was a girl, but hay, it is what it is.

Watching a music competition on ITV, called Opportunity Knocks, were a contestant named Mary Hopkins of "those were the days" fame won the competition and during the series I was rooting for her all the time.    When the current episode had finished, I went outside to play with a girl who came once a week to visit her relative who lived across the yard.  I always looked forward to this time each week.  Even at a school athletics carnival, I was rooting for girl to throw the ball further than the boys did, who by the way was named Sarah!

Again the proverbial question as to why, these particular activities, this could be put down to normal growing up and nothing stands out amongst these particular incidences, I guess I was just being me,  I was taking ques from somewhere, except for the following two.  Wanting to wear girls school uniform and trying to wear items of my mums clothing resulting in utter failure, I wonder why ha!

There were virtually no children that were female in my immediate family and hence no interaction was possible and one can only surmise what would have happened.  These thoughts and activities I kept to myself.  In a sense given the circumstances that existed at the time and the general feeling towards people like me.  I knew nothing about the community per se.  Why did I have this innate ability to keep these things hidden from everybody around me?  I know I was not versed in what was going on in the world.  This trait that was within me has served me so well, even to this day. 

Just one other thing before I leave my child hood memories behind.  I was getting older and our last move in England resulted in me being able to have my own room.  I believe I got the room because, my mum said to me, I was the eldest and that I did not like my brothers touching and breaking my toys or maybe a girls room for little old me?  I can speculate can I not?

Ok one more final thing, I liked teddy bears and I had several of them.  I can relate to this because I do not like barbie dolls, not now and more than likely not then.  In addition, as far as I know I did not play with truck, cars and male action figures, that my brothers played with.  I just played with my teddy bears and meccano sets.  I was content as a 10 year old female in disguise.

Unfortunately parents being parents, well in my case decided to move to Australia and yes I'm one of those 10 pound pommy kids and nothing was to be seen or heard of Sarah, until I was 17 years old.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: TXSara

ChrissyRyan

I have feminine design touches in rooms.  It is nice to express my female self in ways besides personal appearance.

I heard there are some nice beaches in Australia although there are many sharks.
Some beaches I hear are bikini tops optional.

I also heard that kangaroos can be dangerous for people.

I have never been to Australia.

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.
Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Be brave, be strong.  Try a little kindness.  I am a brown eyed brunette. 
  •  

Sarah B

Hi Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 31, 2024, 07:28:01 AMI have feminine design touches in rooms.  It is nice to express my female self in ways besides personal appearance.

I heard there are some nice beaches in Australia although there are many sharks.
Some beaches I hear are bikini tops optional.

I also heard that kangaroos can be dangerous for people.

I have never been to Australia.

Chrissy

The bedroom is basically neutral and the way that I normally express my femininity is clothes, lingerie for special occasions, makeup for when I go to work and special occasions, jewelery is the same and the pièce de résistance my long hair.

All you have to do to find beaches, use google "best and famous beaches".  The one they talk about the most is "Sydney's Bondi Beach".

We have a good collection of nasties, including spiders (funnel web), snakes (western brown), jelly fish (chronis flexis) and sharks (great white).  There is a lot more of them, I just listed the worse.  The most weird one is the platypus, but you would be extremely lucky to come across one.  Oops, one more, the stone fish (deadly spines) cannot swim really.

We have all these nasty creatures including the kangaroo which can kick your guts out if you get into a boxing match with them.  Having them we are able to keep the Americans out.

If you come to Australia.  I will be happy to show you around.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Just joking about keeping the Americans out ::)
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

davina61

My friend Debs son lives in Oz, he is a stuntman that has done many big movies and worked with Jackie Chan and was the leader of the bad guys in the buggy chase in the last Mad Max movie. She goes to visit when she has the funds and stays for 2months and said she would move there if she could. East coast area where she has made lots of friends. To many nasties and to hot for me !!!
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
  •  

Sarah B

This is a blog, so I guess I have to blog stuff or musings on what is going on with my life. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

So here goes, as some of you may know my mum passed away 18 months ago and her doctor, Dr Terrance of ten plus years, became my doctor.  Since I was mum's carer I went with her to see Dr Terrance, in other words.  I was only there for support.

So my mum's doctor became mine for about 18 months.  He was one of the very few people that I ever told about my medical condition and I felt comfortable in telling him.  However, he decided to retire.  So I asked him, for a doctor at the practice who would be a good one and I went with this doctor, Dr Adam.

When I told my doctor, Dr Terrance about me I told him not to make any notes about my condition so my new doctor, Dr Adam does not know about my condition.  As you can guess I'm in two minds whether to tell my new doctor, Dr Adam.

So I thought maybe I look for a specialist doctor, who has experience in transsexuals (there I said the word, gees I should get over this stupid position of not saying that word).

I found a doctor (damn, I have to find out the name of the doctor, oh well another phone call) who I'm going to see soon.  When I phoned the medical practice up and asked to see this doctor.  I was asked certain questions like what is your birth name? Well it's Sarah, what do you want to be called?, well Sarah.  What pronouns do want to be used? She/Her.  I did not realize at the time that I was outing my self to the receptionist.  It's given that I'm a 'transgender' regardless of whether I pass or not, when I walk into the clinic.  I guess I have to be honest this is a specialist clinic, for LGBTQIA.

Damn this is not what I want and yet, I want to have medical tests or examinations that can be done to check that I'm all right, without my condition being recorded.  I know I have to get over my paranoia.  Yet the innate sense of me being private in this area is so strong, that at the moment it's making me think I will not go to the appointment.

Well, I will put your mind at rest, I will be going and if it turns out all right I will continue to make appointments at this clinic.  If not then, I will not go back and basically my privacy will be secure regardless.  As they say, 'nothing gained, nothing lost',

Small steps, big steps, painful steps, maybe you thought Sarah has it easy in what she does.  Anyway I will let you know what happens, when the time comes.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: Kay226

Brooke Renee

I'm really enjoying reading your blog Sarah, so many parallel experiences!

Oh how I know how you feel about outing yourself prematurely to members in the medical community.  I think we have spent so much time hiding that the muscle memory to control the narrative prevents us from feeling at ease even in medical situations where confidentiality laws are in place to protect us. 

But, I do the same!  I recently asked my trans doctor to refer me to pain management and I asked that they send the referral using my birth name so I could out own self at the time of my choosing. But they mistakenly sent the referral in the name of Brooke, transgender woman.  Good times. 


I hope you are having a great weekend,

Brooke

   
  • skype:Brooke Renee?call
  •  

Sarah B

Hi Brooke

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMI'm really enjoying reading your blog Sarah, so many parallel experiences!

Thank you Brooke for taking the time to read and comment on what I have written it's not much so far, but it is a start.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMOh how I know how you feel about outing yourself prematurely to members in the medical community.  I think we have spent so much time hiding that the muscle memory to control the narrative prevents us from feeling at ease even in medical situations where confidentiality laws are in place to protect us.

We have confidentiality laws and all that here in Australia.  I'm not worried about that aspect of it.  If there is a breach, there is nothing that one can really do about it.  Just to note. My previous name is not out there, so I'm safe in that area.

Two things I said to my last doctor Dr Terrance. Please do not write down information regarding my condition on computer and don't upload that information into 'My Health' record (a system that tracks all your health issues), that's not a problem for me as I asked the system to delete my record.  You can do this in Australia.

A little bit more information.  I need a doctor that specializes, obviously in my 'medical condition'.  It's bad enough, that I keep my mouth shut about my past to medical personal as it is.  Take for example the following medical procedures that I have had done recently, a colonoscopy procedure and cortisone injection and I never told the medical profession about my past. Period.  They did the procedures and everything is OK.

I have my phone on silent (number is not revealed) and I ask to see a particular specialist not available until late April (who sounds very good).  A new one is available sooner, that's OK (with experience) and the questions that were being asked, were not to my liking at all.

As I have mentioned, I don't know what the receptionist would know or think, when I rock up to the counter and say Sarah B is here to see Dr So an So!  I don't know what to expect.  I'm so paranoid about revealing myself, it is so ingrained in my physic.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMBut, I do the same!  I recently asked my trans doctor to refer me to pain management and I asked that they send the referral using my birth name so I could out own self at the time of my choosing. But they mistakenly sent the referral in the name of Brooke, transgender woman.  Good times.

In my case, this will not happen as I have already mentioned all my documents were changed over 35 odd years ago into my current legal name (one of the first things I did and I have had no repercussions from this) and any records linking my past name have been destroyed. (except for two, tax and immigration).  Unless the test required is specific for a genetic male, for example prostate test.  In which case I will discuss ways to get the results needed with out revealing myself via the tests.

I'm still in two minds whether to go ahead with the appointment, damn!!!

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 03, 2024, 09:05:03 AMI hope you are having a great weekend,

Brooke

Other than trying to find a new 'doctor', Yes, I'm having a great weekend, I'm moving lock stock and barrel to my property out in the country for some peace and quiet, away from the rat race.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

Sarah B


Awakening


Then all of sudden between the ages of 10 and 17, nothing, no thoughts crossed my mind, in regards to wanting or wishing I was a girl.  What happened to Sarah?  The main events that occurred during this time was my family moved to Australia, which I consider to be one of the best things they ever did and my father died of myocardial infraction, in Dec 1972, however he was a sick man, he already had suffered two cerebral haemorrhage's, which basically meant he had very high blood pressure which resulted in him taking 13 tablets a day, I assume to control the high blood pressure. However I digress.

Somewhere between 1973 and 1974, a couple of times I was standing in a circle with my friends and one of them who was going to find out all about me in the future.  In fact she was the one I was looking at when the thought crossed my mind that I would like to wear the school dress that she was wearing.

I remember specifically that the dress code for females was a short dress and the colours where the pastel colours lilac, yellow and blue.  I remember looking at my friend and I wished I could wear the lilac coloured dress.  The longing knows no bounds and thinking about it, comes with a heavy heart and sigh.  This is the second time in my life I wanted to wear a dress.

Other than occasionally wearing some female clothing between 1975 and 1976, there was nothing that stood out for me.  I was in boarding school and going home for the holidays, there was not much opportunity to be myself.

During the years from 1977 and 1986, several thoughts, feelings and activities on being a female come to mind during these years.  In the following paragraphs, I describe what was happening to me and they are mentioned in no particular order, suffice to say they happened.  As mentioned these thoughts kept on growing and I guess in a sense they helped me develop as a young lady.

I had just finished high school at boarding school and I was wondering what I was going to do for the rest of my life, because one basically got a trade in those days.  I eventually got a certificate in Civil Engineering.  This course took 4 years part time and completed it in 1980.  This certificate was going to form the basis of my success in living my life as a female.

However, at least a couple of times during those years I was laying on my bed and I was thinking about my issues and what I wanted down stairs and that was, I wanted my private parts gone or to put it in a different way.  I wanted to know what it felt like not having those private parts between my legs.

I believe at the time I put my private parts between my legs (tucked away), then I felt and saw what should have been down there, and to me at the time my thoughts were this, "this is what I want, this is what it should be", or something similar.  Then after a while I got up and continued with whatever I was going to do next.

One time a couple of bags of make up came into our house, not sure on the exact details but, I was able to put together a couple of bags of makeup for myself which came in handy for later on.

So how did I create my basic wardrobe? I looked at various women magazines and looking at the clothes I saw and liked, I occasionally brought some of these items.  This was how I got my personal wardrobe together, in conjunction of going to shops and buying some personal items.  I did buy some personal items from some shops, but it was too nerve racking to do regularly.

I was working part time cleaning while studying for my certificate and I worked full time as a government employee for 10 years.  I paid for my clothes with a personal check, I had a personal mail box, so parcels could be sent to it and no one would be wiser.  I never stole any clothes, because I did not want anybody to know what I was doing.

Where did I store my clothes?  I stored my clothes in a specially made gun box to store my guns.  I kept my guns under my bed, which were not in the gun box.  This was so funny on what I did to hide myself, even then, during these years I did not want to come out.

When I was able to, I got fully dressed and spent some quality time, being myself, one important thing crossed my mind at those times and that was, it felt right, no guilt whatsoever on what I was doing crossed my mind.

However it was not long enough for me and I had to change back.  I never considered that I was a cross dresser to me, that label did not suit me and with thoughts like "I like what I saw" and wearing female clothing was natural and more comfortable than wearing men's clothing. 

Being able to do this and enjoy those moments were few and far between.  To me dressing up as a female was never sexual thing or fetish and definitely it was never for sexual pleasure or gratification.

Funny story,  I had some clothes stored on the top shelf of a cupboard and it was unlocked.  Someone maybe my brothers or cousin happened to have a look inside and maybe noticed what was there, so that individual went out and told the others.  Realising what was going on I took the clothes out put them in the gun box and locked the cupboard.

After I had locked the cupboard my brothers and cousin were trying to get into the cupboard, I was laying on my bed watching them which was so funny, I knew that one of them saw something and then told the others.  Eventually I opened the cupboard door and hey nothing to see here, move along.  What I had done was the old switcheroo trick.

Silly me or maybe subconsciously I wanted to out myself, because one time I put a nightie out on the end of the bed.  I suppose I just wanted to live my life as a female.  However, my inner sense of security took over and I put it away.

This is the best way that I can convey, what was going through my mind at the time, yes it was getting stronger and stronger,  I suppose one could say, at the time I had gender dysphoria, but in the late 1980's this description was not around.  I was for all intent and purposes my mind was stable.

Why was I not affected so much about these thoughts as other girls have suffered intensely from this, or for want of a better description 'medical condition', I really don't know and I need to find out why, probably I might visit a therapist in the future and truly unravel myself, that would certainly be interesting.

And at some stage during this period I was learning to do macho things, I did this to deflect away the attention of what I was.  Other things that I did was I had a moustache (so frigging unbelievable) and maybe scuba diving, flying gliders, shooting and parachuting.  Not extreme macho stuff, but just enough.

I read in a playboy or penthouse magazine an article that was several pages long and at the started of the article there was an outline of a man and several images later all outlines the man changed into a female.  Revelation finally, so if one can find this particular article then one will know when I found out at the time that I was transsexual.  Normally I would not use this term, however for the sake of clarity I will use the word sparingly.

Fleeting moments in time that made me very happy and contented.  The only other time this feeling was exceeded was just after my operation and I woke up for the second time. 

Things started to change dramatically during the years 1986 and 1987, not that I can remember any think specific, but two major turning points, or events occurred.  I went on holidays in 1986 near Christmas time and I was traveling to Brisbane and I pulled into a place called Mataranka Springs a lovely place.  I took care of my facial hair and somehow I got properly dressed, cannot remember if I applied makeup or not, it does not matter, finally Sarah B was free for the first time.

Breathing the fresh air for the first time in her life, she got into her car relaxed and drove off listening to John Denver, Olivia Newton John and Flashdance,  I traveled across and down the east coast of Australia and I took my bloody time.  Well actually it only lasted a couple of days.  Satisfaction guaranteed?  Absolutely, I was in my element.

Sarah B was free the second time and was more prepared to say the least.  I went on holidays again in 1987 near Christmas time,  basically the repeat of last years excursion.  However, with a difference, I spent nights in the local YMCA hotels, went to movies, dinners and tourist attractions.  I cannot remember how I presented myself, this time around, I was having the time of my life.  I could not get enough of this life.  So with a heavy heart and a sigh, Sarah B returned to her family and friends.

During 1988, everything in a sense got turned upside down, Sarah B wanted to be free again, the enjoyment she had from those two holidays was beyond anything she had ever encountered in her entire life up to this point in time.  My uncle who said, "I should go and live my life as a female" and eventually my epiphany occurring certainly steered my thoughts in the right direction on what I should do with my future.  So finally I decided to take long service leave from the government,   I planned to maximize the time I could live as Sarah B and that amount of time available to me was about a year.

So early in February 1989, I got into my car, dressed casually, little makeup on and my hair in a braid, had my ears pierced for the first time.  I left my family and friends behind.  I did not look back in the rear view mirror so to speak.  Sarah B did not know at that time, that she was never ever coming back.  Sarah B was finally free forever and fully Awake.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Sarah B

Hi Everyone

Upon reflection on what I just posted in Awakening, one could say it took me approximately 9 years from 1980, where the majority of my thoughts, feelings and activities occurred (or 30 years from birth!) to get to the point of leaving family and friends to go and live as female.  In other words my awakening, is no different than others, who took their time in achieving their own goals.

My time from arriving in Sydney and getting my surgery is completely different from my awakening and in the next installment, I will tell you about those two years.

Have a nice day and I will see you soon.

Best wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: Lilis

Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:

Upon your return to the Susan's Place Forum soon after the New Year's site crash
I was so glad to see that you had started your  Sarah B's Story Blog thread.
Your "chapters" are wonderful for me to read: SynopsisChildhood Memories
and your latest chapter,  Awakening... 
...and I am most certainly eagerly awaiting your next chapter and installment..

Your transition journey as you have journaled here on your Blog thread has been
a sequence of your personal life events that has produced who you are today...
...and as your journey continues I am eagerly following your postings here on
your Blog thread and also your future postings and the sharing of you comments,
thoughts and kind encouragement to others that you always spread around the
various threads and topics on the Forum.

Please continue to keep me and the rest of your avid followers updated as you
feel comfortable sharing.

HUGS, and my best wishes for your success and happiness.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Sarah B on February 03, 2024, 06:20:00 PMHi Everyone

Upon reflection on what I just posted in Awakening, one could say it took me approximately 9 years from 1980, where the majority of my thoughts, feelings and activities occurred (or 30 years from birth!) to get to the point of leaving family and friends to go and live as female.  In other words my awakening, is no different than others, who took their time in achieving their own goals.

My time from arriving in Sydney and getting my surgery is completely different from my awakening and in the next installment, I will tell you about those two years.

Have a nice day and I will see you soon.

Best wishes and Hugs
Sarah B


****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.

             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 44 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: Sarah B

Sarah B

Hi everyone

It's Saturday morning, clouds are in the sky with no sun shinning through the clouds and some rain to boot and I have finally got some free time where I can bring you uptodate on what's been happening in my life down under. I can tell you it's plain boring as hell.  So I will let you be the judge of that.

I have been pretty much off-line the past week or so as I have been extremely busy and I have not been able to scratch my proverbial backside.  I decided recently that it was time to move on from where I lived.  The reasons being, where I lived there are too many memories of me and my mum,  who I took care off.  In addition the area where I lived has become too much of a rat race and it's been too long in one place.

So I decided to move lock, stock and barrel to a place in the country where the pace of life is much quieter, just like what Danielle did when she went Alasken style, no I'm not copying you Danielle! Why?  I'm off grid so to speak.  Downsizing in a sense.

At the moment I have no internet connection and it's the next thing on my list of things to do after I set up my computer system, two computers,two screens, networked, file server, printers, scanners microphone and other bits and pieces.  However I have to find the boxes that contain the parts needed to rebuild my computer system. 

One step forward, two steps back as they say.  So you may ask how I'm able to write this post?  Very laboriously.  I'm using my cell phone (Samsung, Android, s22) and with my nails done recently makes it harder to type.  If I was using my computer  I would have done this post in no time at all, (touch typist) including the last post I did.  So I'm typing this post with a pen stylus, one letter at a time.  I know very painful indeed.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to see a medical specialist that has experience with 'transsexuals'.  I new there was one, but not available until April and in a sense I was seeking a specialist who specialises in my medical condition and in doing so, inadvertently asked for one who specialises in this area.  Thus I came out in a sense. Yes, I know I handled this conversation very badly.

Anyway I was offered another Dr with similar experience. I made the appointment and procrastinated about whether to attend the appointment or not over my stuff up in making this appointment. Long story short I attended this appointment and decided on the basis of the visit whether to attend future ones.

So you ask, how did it go?  Well to say the visit was an absolute success is an understatement of epic proportions.

I was called into Dr Alice's office and off the bat I told her I was a 'transsexual' and at the same time I showed her my post operative surgery letter.  She was stunned to say the least.  I will come back to this point in a little while.

Over the next 20 minutes I told her various stories about Sarah's past, I did tell her that my life was very private and my 'medical condion' was not to be recorded and she agreed with me on this issue and would work around what tests needed to be done without revealing my condition.

During those stories including, my epiphany, there were comments coming from her that included, oh my gosh, oh my God, unbelievable and along with her comments her facial expressions convayed her sincerity in what I was saying.  I told her I passed immediately and I showed  her pictures of me in my early years.  She asked me about my partners, one of seven years and one of two years and my sexuality, which I replied 95% hetro and 5% lesbian you never know, she laughed.  I told her I never suffered from gender dysphoria and I still wondered why.  She said I was just one, where that was possible.  I gave one thought on that and said maybe it was my high IQ.  She agreed that was a possibility.

Interspersed with my basic history, my basic health concerns were raised including my weeing has changed,  I needed closure on what my sex chromosomes were, she was concerned about the results when I was given them, I said that was not going to worry me at all.  Blood tests were ordered for my hormone levels.

Finally I asked if she knew a gynaecologist, so that I could be examined to see if everything was OK downstairs. Nobody since surgery has anyone looked, even me, my vagina was functional and female vaginas are different from women to women and that was all I needed to know.  I was not obsessed with how it looked.

She replied instantly there was a gynaecologist who specialises in this area and would make an exception to see me earlier, that is I would jump the queue. Bingo, I hit the jackpot and Dr Alice said she would write a referral so that I could see her and would let me check it in order to keep my privacy.

Time was up for my consultation and one last question that I rarely cannot ask and that was, "what did you see when you first saw me".  She answered,  "why does this female want to see me in regards to my services?".

Needless to say I will be back, I was very comfortable with talking to her and she was certainly intrigued and pleased that I passed on my knowledge and stories for her future reference.

Anyway I have to go as I have many chores to do and nobody else is going to do them for me.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
 
Thank you for taking your time to post your wonderful update on your Blog thread...
... all entered one letter at a time on your cell phone....  your patience in typing your update is much appreciated.... and it is well done!

Your recent experiences with your Dr. Alice were certainly affirming and quite amazing.
It was good to read that you were able to get a fairly quick referral to a gynaecologist who specialises in transsexual women.

Hopefully after you move to the quiet and slower paced country you will you still be able to make appointments with Dr Alice.  My favorite doctor that I always see is about a 7 hour drive to the big city of Anchorage.  All there is in my small town is an urgent care clinic... and my Dentist  (and my tooth-fairy Dental Hygienist) <3

I hope that you can get your internet and your computers all in working order soon.
Am I to understand that you moved already or is that going to happen in the near future?

I am so glad to read your latest update.... thank you for sharing from your heart.

Many HUGS and my best wishes to you.... please keep your updates coming!
Danielle
  [Northern Star Girl}
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.

             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 44 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Sarah B

Hi Danielle

Thank you for your reply.  I'm  still stunned at the consultation.  I asked Dr Jane if the other specialist in this area who also works at this particular practice, Dr Amanda, would she like to see me and she said, she would most certainly would like to see me.  I think I intrigued Dr Alice by the number of years, post op that I was.

In regards, to me hen pecking the keys on my cell, sometimes words are predicted an all I have to do is tap the word.  I have spent nearly the whole day in writing the two most recent posts.  So yes, I have a lot of patience. Dr Alice said to me, on my way out of the office, funny enough that I must have a lot of patience,  i replied I'm also a procrastinater. We laughed.

Yes I will continue to make foreseeable appointments with her,  I cannot express enough words, my gratitude to that first appointment with her.  I'm willing to travel 250km each way to see her again, to me that's dedication in the making.  I have a follow up appointment two weeks from Thursday gone. That will be 22/02/2024. Can't wait for it.

I have completed my move with the help of my brother and we spent some quality time, talking about life and family issues, as mentioned before, family totally accepts me unconditionally, he is the brother who teases me mercifully and still does to this day, when he has the chance.  He took care of my youngest brother's death recently, he has my total respect for that.  I was teaching at the time and I was not able to do anything in helping him.

We will go to extraordinary lengths to achieve what we want, you seven hours, me three hours.  That's only just one way!

I did mention to Dr Alice  that I was lot more emotional, but that was not the word, I wanted to use or looking for, the actual word was "weepy", the question is why? I have always been very strong in spirit and thats not to say that I have not cried before.

Maybe it's the death of my mum who said before she died, "you do not know how much  I love you", or my youngest brother where we talked every other night on the phone about this that and the other, before he died and my favourite uncle where we talked about and built computers together, he just died recently.

Maybe it's the hormones, or old age reminiscing or listening to certain songs.  Yes, I spent a little tear in writing the last couple of paragraphs.  Yes I'm all right and I'm happy, so please do not worry about me on this score.

One of the things I love the most in my life is reading and at the moment reading the chronicles of Danielle is a pleasure and yes I have questions that I will ask you, but I will save them for later.

I'm  working on rebuilding my computer system at the moment.   It will get finished, the sooner the better.  Then I will be able to put together the next installment of Sarah's story called, "Race to SRS",yeah I'm going with that title, it's locked in.

Anyway, got to go and finish  building my computer system, or else it will never get done anytime soon.

Lots of love and hugs always
Sarah B
PS I hope the following works
@Northern Star Girl
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Sarah B

Hi everyone

It's Sunday evening, not much has happened today.  Sorting through boxes, rearranging boxes and finally finding the computer cables to set up my computer system.

Setting up the computers will be done on Monday. I promise I will as this hen pecking with the pen stylus is killing me.  I wrote one post and a stuff up occurred and I had to recreate the post again from scratch, bugger.

Other chores included laundry and reading to my niece's two daughters finding the local waste facility so I can dump rubbish in the future and little food shopping as I need milk for my coffees.  That is I must have my cappuccino.

I have been out of the water for over a week and I of course suffer like a fish out of water.  So to tomorrow morning I will be hitting the water for a few laps.  Then home to fix the computers.

Tuesday morning I will be heading to a town called Kingaroy and have a look at their 50m swimming pool and of course test the water and to see if it is up to my standards.  I might join their swimming club in the not too distant future.  I have to see how the land lies first.

Then maybe I can put together Sarah's next story, called "Race to SRS" or "Race to Sarah's SRS".  I think the shorter title is winning hands down.

Anyway it's 23:00 and I need some shut eye.  Take care everyone and I will catch up with you real soon.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Karen_A

Quote from: Sarah B on February 10, 2024, 03:30:25 AMI think I intrigued Dr Alice by the number of years, post op that I was.

I found that many endocrinologists(and MDs in general) have no clue about about dealing with long term post-ops.


I live and work in the suburbs.

Way back when I first started HRT my first endo was over an hour's drive away in a different metro area, as that is the endo my therapist recommended... She was rather conservative in her treatment so when after I was post-op I was still not getting much results I felt I had to make a change.. So I found another endo  through the 'community"  in another state (over 2 hour drive) that was willing to be more aggressive.

But over the next 10ish years nothing changed ... and I went off HRT for several years.

Both of those endos had a lot of experience with TSes as they were from days before there were Endocrine Society Standards of care for  T*s and few handled them.

About 5-6 years ago I decided to restart HRT. But in my 60's I was not up do driving over 2 hours each way for a half hour appointment...  I had the choice to go to a clinic in the city which was the regional center where  the vast majority of T* in the area are referred to these days...

But even though it was only about 10 miles away, going into and out of the city the traffic is horrendous, parking hard to come by and expensive... Overall it would mean taking a least half a day of from work for an appointment... and I really did not want to go to a place where all going in would be assumed to be T* (even though, or maybe because, after all these years I'm still readable)...

So I decided to go to a very well respected suburban medical center instead, that was MUCH quicker to get to and would have no parking hassles.

I'n finally getting to the point of all this now after giving my background info! )

The endo's I saw/see there (even one who is close to my age) obviously had no experience with long term post-ops by the questions asked and test ordered.. I am pretty sure they were just following the endocrinology society guidelines... And those are geared towards those just transitioning.

In general the approach of endo's from the "old days" was much more individually tailored and based on experience than what I am finding now, and few have experience with long term post-ops ... I think many, from at least my era or before, have tended to find other ways than go to T* centers after awhile to get medical support (My GP would not do it)

- Karen
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: Sarah B

Sarah B

Hi Everyone

I'm back as of 10:00 Eastern Standard Time, Australian time.  I have set up my basic computer system and running the internet through my Galaxy S22 WiFi Hotspot.

Need to get a more permanent connection either through TPG my ISP or satellite with Elon Musk's system (this looks more promising).

The more removed you are from civilization the less internet options you have.

Anyway, I have a lot more chores to do.  Take care and have a nice day.

Best wishes everyone.
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Jessica_Rose

Glad you are getting everything set up again. Using a cell phone to compose long posts is a nightmare! Hope you enjoy your new location.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA w/Dr. Ley
GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
Hair - Hair Restoration
23Mar2017 - HRT / 16Feb2018 - Full Time! / 21Feb2019 - GCS / 26July2019 - GCS II / 13Oct2020 - FFS II
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
  •  

Sarah B

Hi Jessica

Thank you for the reply, just testing my connections and I need to get a couple of posts for the next installment of 'Sarah's Story'

Yes, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet that the country side provides. Have a nice day or evening?:)

@Northern Star Girl I see you!

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Sarah B

Hi Danielle

Do you know what the color red is?

My blushing face :icon_redface:

Thank you for your likes and thank you, It's really appreciated.  I really do not deserve them (ok some I do) and now you have done it again, I blushing again :icon_redface:

Have a wonderful evening and please look after yourself, why? Because you are one in a million!

Love and hugs always
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.