Hi Everyone This post is in response to the following thread:
Re: What does it actually feel like now that you are (rearranged) I thought it would be more appropriate to place it here as another part of my life.
What does it actually feel like post op? One word? Heaven.
To be honest, I never thought of what it felt like after I had surgery, I was too busy working, living, studying and socializing to even worry or consider the implications of what I had done. Or to put it more succinctly I just got on with my life. But I was already doing that for just nigh on two years.
However, I guess the first realization after surgery with regard to this question can be answered in this way, that in my mind there was this perpetual fog or the lingering thoughts of longing or wanting to be a female and there was an indifference to what I had down there. After I woke up from surgery the second time, I was now in the ward where I was to spend a week recovering.
I realized that something went away when I had surgery. I remember I looked down and what I saw was a bundle of bandages and thought, "it's gone"! Yet, I guess it felt surreal or nothing there anymore, just by looking at those bandages. Then a peace and contentment came over me like a fog that had been lifted from my mind and I went back to sleep and that has been the way ever since.
In terms of clothes fitting I mostly wore skirts and dresses, clothes fit, the only thing that really changed was I no longer needed to hide what was down there. I never hated what was there and I knew instinctively that it was going to be needed when I finally had surgery. The biggest difference was not having to wear two pairs of swimming bathers when I was training. Then again wearing two never really went away because my left breast used to poke its head out if my bathers got too old.
Safety was always a consideration in my mind although it was never front and centre. Even before I had surgery, I knew in a sense I was more vulnerable that only changed when I finally had surgery, not to say that I was not careful after and of course the worry decreased. However, as I lived my life I have always felt safe. This is also one of the reasons why I never tell anyone about my past, it keeps me safe.
I had been sitting down to go to wee virtually or nearly always since I was in my twenties. So after surgery this was nothing new to me except to wipe myself. For a little while after surgery it was messy when I went to the bathroom. However, with healing and in conjunction with leaning slightly forward, it was never messy again. The stream sat closer to my body because of the shorter urethra so that a slight lean forward kept everything tidy.
In the first few weeks after surgery, new sensations were present and daily life quickly returned to normal within those early weeks. Within a few months I no longer noticed the change. Day to day moisture or discharge was minimal for me although coughing with a full bladder sometimes caused a brief leak which improved over time with pelvic floor exercises.
As for spending time dilating and fun with boyfriends, a liner was used for hygiene afterwards. In terms of how did I cope with all of this, to me it was just a part of my life, so I never really considered any aspects of how it affected me. Well I will grant you one concession, I enjoyed those moments.
I have mentioned that I was not active prior to changing my life around and I guess not much can be said about this aspect of my life. It was not until one year after having my surgery that things changed dramatically, other than getting back to work after two weeks off, beating others like me in the process. There was a delay in achieving or putting back the one hindrance that hung around my neck for over 33 years, when finally I was deflowered, I suppose literally and figuratively.
Yes, that memory is so vivid, it seems as if it only occurred yesterday. The feelings and sensations coursing through my body and that final moment? It certainly opened my eyes and I guess it remains one of the most important memories after surgery, yes there were many other moments like the first one. Before surgery I did not fully understand the procedure. I recall only a brief mention of possible loss of sensation if that. Regardless I chose to proceed anyway. In my case sensation was there after healing and I believe at the time I was happy with it. Intimacy, when it happened, felt natural.
Post surgery I suppose there was another aspect that I did not have to cringe when it happened. The two years before surgery as far as I can recall there were fewer episodes and I put that down to the hormones that I was taking. Post surgery gives one a sense of freedom you can get aroused just looking at a hunk of a man, well for me that is and there is nothing to show for it and it most certainly puts a smile across one's face with that undeniable blush.
So nearly 35 years later and coming back around to the initial question "What does it actually feel like post op"? It is no different from the first day. The only thing that stands out to me is the peace and contentment that have prevailed for all of those years. It was about nineteen years after surgery that I finally knew that I was a female and finally I put that issue to rest.
My lasting answer is simple, peace.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator
