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17 AMAB,dont know how to come out

Started by krivix, February 03, 2024, 07:23:35 PM

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krivix

Im 17 years old in my last semester of high school about to go into college. Ever since I crossdressed as a "joke" with friends, I miss looking and feeling like a girl. I feel more comfortable that way but I dont know how or when I should come out. My father is very republican and doesnt exactly have the most positive opinion on transgender people,and my mom is christian and I dont know how she'e feel. I expect most of my friends wouldnt accept me for it. I cant go out and consult anybody to get on HRT as my parents can see my location 24/7 with Life360. My therapist online helps me with other issues I have but my mom could listen in on what im saying to her if I mentioned it. Ive always struggled with talking to anybody 1-on-1 and I dont know how to approach coming out so I can get onto HRT and other things. any advice would be appreciated.

cypripareunia

hi friend, welcome to susan's! thanks for coming here after i suggested it, crossing my fingers that your post will see some traffic.

a few things: 1) can you type a message to your therapist in your meetings? 2) does your university have a student health center that can prescribe HRT based off of informed consent? that's how i got the ball rolling myself :)

no matter how hard things may be, the pain and struggles *will* be worth it. you've got this <3

E

Sarah B

Hi Krivix

Welcome to Susan's I hope you have a wonderful time here. What you have written is very informative about why you are here now.  Your friend has helped you a lot in pointing you in the right direction.

I would suggest to you that you do not tell anyone about your private thoughts on this matter for the time being.  The reasons being your mum, dad and friends would not accept you at this present stage.

Maybe you need to see a different therapist, than the one you are seeing at the moment, your current therapist might talk to your mum if you reveal yourself.  Hopefully seeing a new therapist might lead you to getting HRT.

The live360 app on your cell is preventing you from becoming more independent in your life and something needs to be done about it.

These suggestions I hope will help you move forward in what you want to do with your life

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B







Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Northern Star Girl

@krivix
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Quote from: krivix on February 03, 2024, 07:23:35 PMIm 17 years old in my last semester of high school about to go into college. Ever since I crossdressed as a "joke" with friends, I miss looking and feeling like a girl. I feel more comfortable that way but I dont know how or when I should come out. My father is very republican and doesnt exactly have the most positive opinion on transgender people,and my mom is christian and I dont know how she'e feel. I expect most of my friends wouldnt accept me for it. I cant go out and consult anybody to get on HRT as my parents can see my location 24/7 with Life360. My therapist online helps me with other issues I have but my mom could listen in on what im saying to her if I mentioned it. Ive always struggled with talking to anybody 1-on-1 and I dont know how to approach coming out so I can get onto HRT and other things. any advice would be appreciated.
****Help support this website by:
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  •  

Jessica_K

Hi Krivix,

Welcome here at Susan's Place. My first thoughts are that your parents seem to be very controlling for someone of your age and that any mention of wanting to transition could be a danger to you.

Can you find someone, a friend, a sympathetic member of your family that you could confide in and possible visit within your restrictions and use their facilities to make outside contact to a therapist that can help you? Does your school have any wellbeing help that would not get back to your parents? Do you have any spending autonomy or is that monitored too? 

Do not do anything without a plan, a person that will help you if things go bad. You may find it easier to wait until you are in college where there could be more facilities to help you.

We are here to help and perhaps someone here closer to your age and lives in the US (I am more like your grandmother and in UK) could reach out to you.

Lastly and mods please delete this if it is inappropriate have you looked at >-bleeped-< and their transgender >-bleeped-<s? r/transgenderUK is very friendly and could be a start to find the best >-bleeped-< for you. I would suggest not to use r/trans.

Be safe at all times xx
Hugs
Jessica
The brand new "A Day in the life of Jessica_k" blog
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246835.new.html#new

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Brooke Renee

Hello Krivix,

I hope this message finds you well.  I agree with my sisters, your current situation is not ideal and now may not be the best time to come out publicly. 

But, that is your current situation and it is not permanent.

Soon you will be 18 and hopefully in a better position to move past the Life360 app.  Certainly once you are off to college I would hope.  Whatever the timing, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, being 18 will prevent you from being targeted by some state's attacks on gender affirming care if you are in the US.   

Know this though, you are a valid person.  You are definitely not alone in these feelings and there is a future for you.  Use this time to do some soul searching, really take an accounting of your feelings and identity. 

Once you are on your own at college, and your internal compass remains unchanged you can seek out HRT options.  Like your friend mentioned, student health centers may be an option.  Again, if you are in the US, Planned Parenthood offers HRT and I think they do so on informed consent. 

Regardless of provider, the Doctor will have a conversation with you about these feelings and your wishes prior to prescribing.  Knowing this conversation will happen is kind of anxiety inducing but just honest and open and it will go well.

Please continue to keep us updated, we are here to help and support you regardless of what direction you go! 

Warmly,

Brooke 

 
  • skype:Brooke Renee?call
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krivix

I shouldve mentioned that I wont be living on campus mostly because of cost,especially when I live like 18 minutes away from the school. My next online session with my therapist Im going to try and mention it a little.

I appreciate all of the advice and comfort so far <3
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Susan

Dear krivix,

Embarking on this journey to understand and share your true self requires immense courage. Your openness and commitment to living authentically at such a young age are truly inspiring. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and you're not alone in this. Exploring your gender identity is a deeply personal process, and many in our community can relate to the complexity of emotions you're experiencing.

Prioritizing self-acceptance and finding peace within yourself is essential. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this path of self-discovery, focusing on self-love. Our community is here to support you with care and without judgment every step of the way.

As you look forward to college, you'll find opportunities to explore your identity in more supportive and inclusive environments. Researching schools, reaching out to student groups, and looking into housing options can provide insight into the resources available for living more authentically. (Written before your post clarifying you will continue to live at home) College offers a chance for greater independence, but it's wise to share your identity selectively until you're able to gauge the openness of those around you.

Seeking out local LGBTQ+ youth groups and consulting with a gender identity therapist can offer critical support during this time. Their advice can be a beacon of light as you explore your identity further. When the time comes to open up to your family, approach the conversation with sensitivity and patience. Understand that it may take time for loved ones to fully comprehend and accept this aspect of your identity. We'll be here to support you through every step, offering a shoulder and an open heart.

It's also crucial to prepare emotionally for all potential reactions when coming out to loved ones. While we hope for acceptance, being mentally prepared for any negative responses is important. Establishing a support system of trusted friends, a therapist, or the broader LGBTQ+ community is vital. You're not alone in this. Begin by confiding in those who are most likely to understand, creating a solid foundation of support. Equip yourself with resources to share with others, and if faced with negativity, remember to give time and space for attitudes to change. This journey is about living your truth, no matter how others react. You deserve love and respect, just as you are.

Coming out is an act of bravery, and with each step, you'll grow stronger and more empowered to live authentically. Brighter days are ahead, and our pride in your bravery knows no bounds. You are incredibly courageous, and remember, you are never alone. We stand with you, side by side, every step of the way.

Wishing you the very best,
Susan Larson
Founder
Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Help support this website and our community by Donating or Subscribing!

krivix

thanks again for all of the support,ive felt really down recently trying to think about everything.

Should I wait till im 18 to seek out any kind of gender identity therapist? Or should I tell my current therapist about it? I trust her but I dont know if she would snitch on me saying anything about it.
  •  

Sarah B

Hi Krivix.

It's  good to hear from you again. Please slow down, take your time.  When you do you will not feel over whelmed.  You have time on your side.  Take one small step at a time.  Do that step, then think of the next step and do it. Do steps that will make you happy. Eventually you will find out you have done a lot, without realising it.

My questions to you are.  Do you trust your therapist?  Is there a confidentiality in your discussions?  If the answer is yes to both questions then tell them, if you decide to do so, about your condition or problem.  Ensure your parents are not around you if you decide to tell your therapist about your gender issues.

Find a gender therapist now, it will not hurt you to do so.

Always plan on what your next step is, keeping in mind your safety and have a backup plan should anything go wrong

Let us know what you want to do or tell us what you are planning.  That way we can help you further.

Take care and look after yourself.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

krivix

Whether it be my current one or a gender therapist (which im not sure if you can get one and scheduling with them without consent before 18) I want to have someone that will support me or comfort me before I plan out my steps into coming out and eventually getting on HRT.
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krivix

Quick update on my thoughts and feelings currently. I have my next session with my therapist next Thursday, but I think I might lose it if I dont tell somebody about how I have been feeling. My only idea is one of my teachers who is just out of college and would be the most understanding for sure, shes a great teacher. If I do tell her, how should I? because obviously she wouldnt be able to do much to help but I just need to tell someone.
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Susan

Before initiating the conversation, gently inquire if she can ensure the discussion remains confidential between the two of you. Clarify that you're not in immediate danger but are experiencing mental health challenges and are in need of a compassionate listener. Highlight your upcoming therapy session as evidence of your commitment to seeking help.

If she consents to maintain confidentiality, feel free to share at a pace that feels right for you, disclosing only what you're comfortable with. Although it might feel intimidating, reaching out for support is a brave and crucial step towards your wellbeing. She may be able to provide emotional support, suggest coping strategies, or direct you towards helpful resources.

It's important to remember that you're not alone. There are many people, including myself, who deeply care about your wellbeing and stand ready to support you. Your ability to recognize when you need additional support and actively seek it out is commendable. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. You are part of a caring community that is eager to support you through these challenging times.
Susan Larson
Founder
Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Help support this website and our community by Donating or Subscribing!
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Mariah

Quote from: krivix on February 04, 2024, 08:08:48 AMI shouldve mentioned that I wont be living on campus mostly because of cost,especially when I live like 18 minutes away from the school. My next online session with my therapist Im going to try and mention it a little.

I appreciate all of the advice and comfort so far <3
Quote from: krivix on February 04, 2024, 10:54:37 AMthanks again for all of the support,ive felt really down recently trying to think about everything.

Should I wait till im 18 to seek out any kind of gender identity therapist? Or should I tell my current therapist about it? I trust her but I dont know if she would snitch on me saying anything about it.

Krivix,

That choice comes down to you and how comfortable you are in regards to sharing that info. When I was that age I wouldn't have shared just because the therapist I had at the time I was not comfortable with and I knew everything was being shared. There is some merit to waiting until after the point to which they are most likely to share with your parents, but in the end that call is up to you. I hope that helps. Hugs
Mariah
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
[email]mariah@susans.org[/email]
I am also spouse of a transgender person.
Retired News Administrator
Retired (S) Global Moderator

krivix

Update: I sent my teacher an email about it and Ill let you all know what she says. Thanks for the suggestions.
  •  

Northern Star Girl

@krivix
Dear Krivix:

Only if you feel comfortable doing so, please keep me and the rest
of your followers updated with your journey and your progress.

I am wishing you much success and happiness.

HUGS,
Danielle
[Northern Star Girl]


Quote from: krivix on February 05, 2024, 03:03:59 PMUpdate: I sent my teacher an email about it and Ill let you all know what she says. Thanks for the suggestions.
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.

             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 44 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Oldandcreaky

krivix, if you spend time at Susan's reading our stories, you will find great range. For example, I played with other girls when I was young, wanted an Easy Bake oven, collected lacy, shiny, feminine things, cried easily and often, etc. And I prayed every night that I would awaken as a girl. Others here didn't realize they were trans until deep into adulthood. How about you? Is your one episode of cross-dressing the only time you stepped across the gender line?

krivix

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 06, 2024, 07:53:33 AMkrivix, if you spend time at Susan's reading our stories, you will find great range. For example, I played with other girls when I was young, wanted an Easy Bake oven, collected lacy, shiny, feminine things, cried easily and often, etc. And I prayed every night that I would awaken as a girl. Others here didn't realize they were trans until deep into adulthood. How about you? Is your one episode of cross-dressing the only time you stepped across the gender line?

Including to that experience, I think about how it is like to be a girl,and my emotions are very fragile and I get very sad or angry easily.

Update to telling my teacher about my thoughts/feelings: She was very understanding and assured me that her view of me wouldnt change and offered the choice to come talk to her about anything during study hall and such.
  •  

D'Amalie

Dear Krivix,

Your situation seems leagues ahead of many, who like myself, couldn't put a name to what we felt.  At your age our culture didn't provide a framework for presenting such a complex discussion or even the chance for acceptance.  Posting here should help you, yes?  There is a wealth of experience here, I respect you and the others that share life stories and ongoing experiences.

Carry on. Carry on. You'll manage to grow as a person regardless. This about your life choice.

_____________________________________________________________

Gently I add, be careful about placing your friend at risk, at least until your majority.  Teachers can be most influential in a young life, but there should be others in your personal life you are reaching out to as well, no?  The teacher may be a way to introduce your expression in your current academic world and might satisfy a need for acceptance, but be thoughtful.  Not to scare you, but once the can of worms is opened in "officialdom,"  things can get out of control.  Perhaps my paranoia is creeping in, but I cringe at indelicacy of real world bureaucracy. 

Remember, on this plane of existence you get one shot at this mortal life.  Make the most of it.  Don't forget to have fun too!
One shouldn't open the book of another's life and jump in the middle.  I am a woman, I'm a mystery.  I still see and hear who I used to be, who I am, who I'm gonna be. - Richelle
"Where you'd learn do to that, miss?" "Just do it, that's all; ... I got natural talent." "I'll say you do, at that." - Firefly

krivix

I should add:

If you have any questions about what Im thinking/feeling or why, please ask them. If im comfortable replying I will. Thanks!