If you could carry out your MTF transition differently, how would you?

[ChrissyRyan]

If you could carry out your MTF transition differently, how would you?  Why?


Perhaps you now know something because of your experiences with your transition that you could avoid doing (or do) if you had to do it all over again or at least from this point on in your transition, if you have not essentially completed your transition.

What would some of those things be?  Please explain why.

It could be that what you share can be of help to others in their journeys.  I hope this becomes a valuable and useful topic that helps many.  Thank you for your time!


Chrissy

[LoriDee]

I would have started MUCH sooner if somehow possible. But back in the day, nobody knew anything about transgender. There was a lot of animosity toward being gay. I also had no idea that I was transgender. Once my psychologist and I figured it out, I rejected it. Not Me! Years of therapy helped me understand. Maybe I should have gotten into therapy sooner. I think that is the important first step for anyone still wondering what is going on with them. Therapy not only helped me understand who I am now, but it also helped me deal with others who don't understand. It is an important part of the process in addition to having support from friends, spouses, or other family.

[KathyLauren]

Certainly, I would have started way, way, way sooner.  If I could leave a note today for my much younger self, I would tell her not to fight it, that transgender is not nearly as uncommon as I thought, that is is not shameful, and that it is what I am.  That information would have allowed me to transition earlier.

I might not be quite as quick to go for GCS, though.  In the end, I would probably got for it again, because I did need it, but I'd have to give it more thought.  My recovery was much longer and more painful than I had anticipated.

[Allie Jayne]

The only thing I could see which might have worked better would have been to transition as a child, but, of course, I would have needed different parents, socio economic position, and a different time era for this to happen! After that age there was always going to be difficulties. I think I did the best I could do in my situation, having made the most of my life as a male. Maybe I could have given in to dysphoria a couple of years before it made me so sick.

As long as we are wishing, I wish I was never trans, it has not been fun.

Hugs,

Allie

[Jenn104]

I'd do a lot better with telling my children if I had a re-do. I wish I'd done better on that score.

As is, I'd change little else.


~Jenn

[North92]

I would have trusted my loved ones to be there and not burry things inside me. Started HRT at 22 but wanted to start in my early/pre-teens. I was too afraid to ask for help.

If I had started earlier I would have skipped some of the surgeries I've had and saved that money for something else.
Like paying my mortgage.

All in all, it went well and I live a fullfilling life with a man who loves me, good friends and a meaningful job. My trans past is something I rarely think about.

[LoriDee]

@North92

Hello North92,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Looks like this is your first post, so allow me to officially welcome you to our community.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments. We all come from different backgrounds and represent a wide range of experiences. No matter who you may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

We would like to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum and introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

Please review the links at the end of this message, they include information that will help you navigate the site and use the available features. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile. Until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at  LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
~ Lori Dee

Helpful links to information that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

This question is different than the usual 'if you had a magic wand or pill' type of question.

If you could carry out your MTF transition differently, how would you?  Why?

So the following is what I would do differently:

• I would have started alot earlier.  When i was a child.
• I would have kept my HRT regime the same.
• I would not do therapy or I would get rid of therapy.all together.
• The waiting time for surgery, I would  change from two years to none.  Realistically one year.
• I should have been born a girl or female, so no need for the above, 'what would I have done differently'.

The only draw back would have been, 'community acceptance'  and the lack of information about my condition.  So these scenarios are just that, wishful thinking.

Why would I do it differently is because, I'm a female that's why.

Love and Hugs for all
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi North92

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to say, Welcome to Susan's Place!

We strive to make this a safe place for you and everyone to find information and to share your thoughts and comments regarding your journey.

I would have trusted my loved ones to be there and not burry things inside me. Started HRT at 22 but wanted to start in my early/pre-teens. I was too afraid to ask for help.

I too would have liked too have started earlier, but unfortunately that was not to be the case.  I started when I was 30 and because of the time and place, I knew that  instinctively I had to keep quite.

If I had started earlier I would have skipped some of the surgeries I've had and saved that money for something else.
Like paying my mortgage.

If you decide to tell us more about yourself in the introductions forums, maybe you could tell us a little bit more about those surgeries.  One thing that does not change and that life goes on, including mortgages.

All in all, it went well and I live a fullfilling life with a man who loves me, good friends and a meaningful job. My trans past is something I rarely think about.

I have lived a fulfilling life also since my surgery 33 years ago and I have never considered myself 'trans' just a female always.  I would like to read more about your life.  It would be very much appreciated.  Why?  Because we all learn from each other, especially when we do so at a place called 'Susan's Place'.

Take care and all the best for the future.

All the best and Hugs
Sarah B

[Karen_A]

Given the entirety of my situation, including the situation I was raised in, I'm not sure there was much I realistically could have significantly changed for the better.

- Karen

[ChrissyRyan]

Transitioning was and is not easy, that is for sure.  At least not for me. 

I hope it is mostly easy for you.  So much learned and so much to learn. 
Some disappointments.  Much happiness.


Chrissy

[CosmicJoke]

Interesting question. I guess I would've just been more self-loving. I wouldn't have hated my male self so much and just embraced it all as part of me.

I would also tell anyone who is about to do the MtF transition to be prepared to get less respect in general from people.  I didn't realize what "male privilege" was until I became female. Just go into it with realistic expectations.

[BlueJaye]

The only thing I would have done differently would be to have started many years sooner. But as things are, I am pretty happy overall with how things turned out. Now if I could just get my employer to cover gender affirming surgeries, I would be very content.

[noleen111]

I only thing, I would love to have started sooner, I started at the age of 21.. since we are wishing I would loved to have started at the age of 12 or 13. I would loved to have being a teenage girl.

The reason, my transition took me from a shy boy living like a hermit to an outgoing and life of the party woman. I am a very confident woman. I would have loved to be like this at school,as I would have taken more advantage of what was offered at my school, things like the after school programs. As a boy I was way to shy.

from a social point of view, I would have actually had friends at school and i would have learned things about fashion and makeup that girls learn in their teens, actually in my teens instead of my 20s. Also I would have loved to have worn a prom dress.

[Miharu Barbie]

What could I have done differently?  I followed the path that was laid out in front of me.

I knew I was trans by 4 or 5 years old, though I lacked a vocabulary to ever hope to explain myself. I was raised by emotionally absent parents anyway.

I was outed as a teenager, which very nearly cost me my life. I started transition in 1985 at the age of 20. One year into transition and HRT I came to realize that nearly all the trans women I knew then were sex workers because they were unable to find work doing anything else in 1985. I detransitioned so I could establish a career that would not cost me my soul before returning to transition at age 32.

Within the constraints of the time and place when I came of age, I honored, protected, and grew into the woman I was always going to be about as efficiently as could be expected or managed.

I have 2 regrets that I don't know how I could have managed much differently. My first regret is that I wish I had found a way to surround myself with trans friends and community. I chose "stealth" a long time ago, which has come with 25 years of isolation and protecting my story. I wish I'd been deliberate about cultivating transgender friendships.

My second regret is that I wish I could have found a way to hold onto my first marriage. Though I told my first wife about my trans nature on our very first date, and she wanted to accept me as I am, her fear of what others thought about her because of who I am finally drove us apart after 7 years of marriage. I will never stop missing her. I will never stop missing her.

I love my current wife of 17 years. And I love my life. And I thank you all for hearing my story.

❤️
Miharu