*** Trigger Warning ***Mourning the Trans Boyhood I Never Gothttps://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/mourning-the-trans-boyhood-i-never-got/ar-AA1ddgbX?ocid=windirect&cvid=1edc99ed12ce4b3486f0063965bbf5b3&ei=38Story by Sandy Ernest Allen (July 2023)
I often think about him. I wonder about what he would have worn at eight, at thirteen, at twenty. I wonder about who he would have been friends with. I wonder who he would have had a crush on. I wonder who he would have dated. I wonder who he would have taken to prom. I wonder who he would have had sex with, at what age. I wonder if he'd have done the same stuff I did — singing in choruses, acting in plays, reading endless books. I wonder if he'd have done so exceptionally well in school. I wonder if like me he'd have been so hard on himself.
I wonder if I'd have been some whole other person. Especially in terms of how others might have seen me. My qualities were frequently ones others made clear were unbecoming of a little girl (talkative, assertive, funny, smart).
I often contemplate the endless labor of having been closeted all those years, of knowing however deep down what I actually was and having to work to hide it, every endless day. Every time I got dressed, every time I used the bathroom, every time I wrote my own name...===============================================================================
* Trans Lifeline: Provides peer support and crisis intervention for
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