Robby's Journey

[Lori Dee]

Robby,

So sorry to hear that. But as Pema said, this is a setback, not a defeat. I suggest you try again. "No pain, no gain", right?

The worst pain I have ever felt was in a dentist's chair. I learned that I felt it more when I focused on what they were doing. You were worried about the pain, and your mind focused on that and amplified it.

I studied pain probably more than many doctors. It was the reason I got into hypnotherapy. I needed a way to manage my pain instead of popping Vicodin like popcorn. Pain is not physical. Pain is mental 100%. Nerve endings send the message to the brain, and the brain decides how bad it is. If you cut your finger, only a few nerves are affected, and the brain determines that it is not a severe injury. But if you break your leg, many nerves send the same message all at once. The brain receives all these messages and determines that the injury is severe.

Now think about a three-year-old kid who scrapes her knee. She cries like she is dying, right? The injury is very minor, but to her it is catastrophic. As an adult, that same scrape would be more of an annoyance. Your subconscious mind is in total control of the body. It digests your food, pumps your blood, and heals your wounds without you needing to think about it. That is the key. You don't need to think about it.

Try a little self-hypnosis trick. When they are ready to start, just close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Keep your breath calm and easy. Ignore anything that is going on around you. No one is touching you; they are touching a piece of cardboard in front of your face. Maybe the cardboard is touching your face, but that doesn't hurt, because it is numb. It is protecting you. Nothing is going on around you. You can ignore everything.

Focus on your breathing, and when you feel relaxed, imagine yourself somewhere else. Someplace that you would rather be. Fishing on the side of a beautiful lake, hiking through a cool forest, or sitting in a grassy field next to a small creek. Focus on that experience. Listen for the sound of the breeze rustling the trees. Notice that you can smell the trees and the grass. Can you hear the water in the creek? Try hard to focus on that. Really get into the experience of being there. Maybe you can feel the sun on your face, or a bit of a breeze that cools it. Focus on that.

Give your mind something else to think about. Whenever you need to, go back to focusing on your breathing. Relax and keep it calm and easy. Slow, deep breaths. You can do this. It is mind over matter, so let your mind drift away, and it will be over before you realize it.

You got this.

[davina61]

My zapping lady turned her machine down to start with, not that it was that painful just under the nose bits. But she did have a very up to date machine. Relax it stings for a split second, she should pause a bit between zapps.

[Robbyv213]

Robby,

So sorry to hear that. But as Pema said, this is a setback, not a defeat. I suggest you try again. "No pain, no gain", right?

The worst pain I have ever felt was in a dentist's chair. I learned that I felt it more when I focused on what they were doing. You were worried about the pain, and your mind focused on that and amplified it.

I studied pain probably more than many doctors. It was the reason I got into hypnotherapy. I needed a way to manage my pain instead of popping Vicodin like popcorn. Pain is not physical. Pain is mental 100%. Nerve endings send the message to the brain, and the brain decides how bad it is. If you cut your finger, only a few nerves are affected, and the brain determines that it is not a severe injury. But if you break your leg, many nerves send the same message all at once. The brain receives all these messages and determines that the injury is severe.

Now think about a three-year-old kid who scrapes her knee. She cries like she is dying, right? The injury is very minor, but to her it is catastrophic. As an adult, that same scrape would be more of an annoyance. Your subconscious mind is in total control of the body. It digests your food, pumps your blood, and heals your wounds without you needing to think about it. That is the key. You don't need to think about it.

Try a little self-hypnosis trick. When they are ready to start, just close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Keep your breath calm and easy. Ignore anything that is going on around you. No one is touching you; they are touching a piece of cardboard in front of your face. Maybe the cardboard is touching your face, but that doesn't hurt, because it is numb. It is protecting you. Nothing is going on around you. You can ignore everything.

Focus on your breathing, and when you feel relaxed, imagine yourself somewhere else. Someplace that you would rather be. Fishing on the side of a beautiful lake, hiking through a cool forest, or sitting in a grassy field next to a small creek. Focus on that experience. Listen for the sound of the breeze rustling the trees. Notice that you can smell the trees and the grass. Can you hear the water in the creek? Try hard to focus on that. Really get into the experience of being there. Maybe you can feel the sun on your face, or a bit of a breeze that cools it. Focus on that.

Give your mind something else to think about. Whenever you need to, go back to focusing on your breathing. Relax and keep it calm and easy. Slow, deep breaths. You can do this. It is mind over matter, so let your mind drift away, and it will be over before you realize it.

You got this.

Yes I agree that pain in more mental than anything else, but now I am seeing feeling that I am more mentally weak in general than I used to think. Definitely a disgrace to the Marine corps for not being mentally and physically tough anymore.

[Lori Dee]

Yes I agree that pain in more mental than anything else, but now I am seeing feeling that I am more mentally weak in general than I used to think. Definitely a disgrace to the Marine corps for not being mentally and physically tough anymore.

"Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours."
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

You can choose to be tough, or not.
I seriously doubt that you wimped out on the Obstacle Course in Basic Training. I know you have a toughness inside you that you can draw upon. It has gotten you this far. Please dig deep and draw on it again. It is an endless resource at your disposal, if you choose to use it.   

[Pema]

I have a somewhat different perspective. I'm no stranger to physical pain and other forms of extreme physical discomfort. My experience has been that what is typically thought of as "toughness," i.e. resistance can have the effect of worsening the impact of pain, because by being in opposition to the pain you give it greater attention and therefore greater power over you.

What I've found to be far more effective are surrender and acceptance. I have - at times very consciously - invited the pain in to join me on the journey. "Come in, be my friend." On nearly every occasion, the pain eventually gets bored with the lack of engagement and fades into the background.

I'm not saying this is easy to do if it's new for you. I mostly stumbled across the practice by trial and error as a child, but I've since discovered that has been plenty written about it and its benefits.

Mind you, when the laser lady hits my upper lip, I have tears rolling from my eyes - but I'm also laughing. The first time that happened, she said, "I always tell people, 'You can either cry or you can laugh.' Looks like you do both." Sure, it was painful, but it was also exactly what I wanted.

You can do this, Robin. Take your time, be kind to yourself, get yourself where you want to be in your heart and then your mind, and when you're ready, take the next effortless step.

[Dances With Trees]

Definitely a disgrace to the Marine corps

Semper fi, Robby. I tapped out on a forced march because of a blister while still in uniform. So I know the feeling. I fully agree with Lori and Pema's perspective and approach. I live with my daughter and understand the whole 'elephant in the room' thing. No way I would undergo something that not only required commitment but enduring significant pain during 'elephant' days. Take a breath. A better day is coming.

[Robbyv213]

I waited to respond bc I know I have been feeling pretty defeated and negative about this last experience, and I wanted to wait till it passed, and it had for the most part.

Today is the first day since I actually have more of a positive mindset set than the days following the laser session. And I know pain is more a mental thing than anything else. I don't know if it's more in the fore front since I'm not out yet and my mind thinks there is still a chance or opportunity that I won't move forward with transition, like it's not real since I'm not out living as myself more of a % of time than I do.

Or if my mental strength and toughness has slowly been declining since I've been out, since everyday things that usually would not affect me, now have had me in almost full blown anxiety and panic attacks,

but basically and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way by any means, but every time I read these last few posts I basically get the impression that I'm being told to suck it up, quit being a little b*$#&. Which is exactly the mindset I've been trying to have, keep telling myself (in all aspects of my life) and had while I was in the Marines pretending to be tough so I can show up for my fellow Marines.

I really honestly don't know what changed and why I've lost the mental fortitude I once had towards any obstacle in life.

I really do appreciate you all and the advice and support you have shown. This is only a set back, just have to re group and try a different way forward with laser.

[Lori Dee]

Robby,

Please don't take our posts as pushing you into something you are not ready for. It is never intended as a push, but encouragement. We know you can do it because it is not an impossible task. We understand that it is truly difficult. We are just trying to help you get through a rough patch. I apologize if it seemed like we were pushing. That was not the intent.

Hugs!

[Pema]

but basically and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way by any means, but every time I read these last few posts I basically get the impression that I'm being told to suck it up, quit being a little b*$#&. Which is exactly the mindset I've been trying to have, keep telling myself (in all aspects of my life) and had while I was in the Marines pretending to be tough so I can show up for my fellow Marines.

Oh, no. This is very much the opposite of what I was trying to say. I'm saying give a try to letting all of that go, that that may very well be a big part of what hold you back. The whole way I got here was by letting go of resistance and surrendering to what is - both inside of me and outside. That's when I became me. I don't see opposition as a viable strategy.

[Pema]

Another thought... I don't think you mentioned whether they used ice before applying the laser. I'm currently halfway through my 6 treatments, so I've been going through this very thing for 3 months. Ice makes a huge difference. The technician will have me hold an ice pack directly against the area she's going to work. When I literally can't stand the ice pack anymore, she'll start zapping that area. I did lidocaine before Round 1, and the ice prevented the pain much more than it did.

She tackles my face and neck in 8 sections and has me apply the ice to each before she works it. Yes, the numbing effect of the ice wears off as she works, but what I notice even more is when she strays beyond the area where I'd applied the ice pack. I'll let her know, and we'll start a new section.

But maybe you did use the ice, and it didn't work this way for you. Just wanted to put it out there in case.