Have you found transgender support groups to be helpful?

[ChrissyRyan]

Have you found transgender support groups to be helpful?

Was it a group solely for transgender people or was it a broader lgbtq+ group?

How did you find out about the group?  Will you continue with the group?


Chrissy

[Jenn104]

I find them a mixed bag.

I am in an over 50 group that is technically just a hang out for trans folx over 50, not a support group. I make it a point to hang out on zoom when the group is run. We do support each other. We reflect and enjoy life too. As a support group it's flawed, newbies have a hard time feeling comfy in the group.

I used to go to an "all ages" group made up of 80% under 35 folx with a few of us older types. I have not been in a while. The zoom calls were on bottom surgery electrolysis nights. I found the group irritating. Regulars get support. I always felt like I wanted to scream "get over yourselves."

I have a friend putting a live group together. I may attend the next one.

~Jenn

[Lori Dee]

I meet with a group at my local VA. It is an LGBTQ+ Support Group and at each meeting, our LGBTQ+ Care Coordinators have a topic that we discuss. Overall, I am not impressed. I enjoy meeting other LGBTQ+ Veterans and we offer tips and support to help each other through whatever a member is experiencing. Very often, the topics are not about what we want to discuss, so the discussions get hijacked a bit. I am guilty of doing that too.

The focus of the group is "Resiliency" and how we can better handle a variety of situations that we face. The problem is that most of our issues are specifically with the lack of care the VA is willing to help us with. Some care is prohibited by law, even though every other federal agency is supportive. It is difficult to seek help from a healthcare provider that refuses to provide you with healthcare.

We hope the regulations will be changed after the election, but until then our "Support Group" is just an opportunity to voice our dissatisfaction and have it entered into our medical records. I stopped going in person and now attend via video link, but I have increasingly felt that I don't want to waste my time. I may not continue until things change. Hanging out here with my sisters seems to be much more supportive and therapeutic for me.

[ChrissyRyan]

I find them a mixed bag.

I am in an over 50 group that is technically just a hang out for trans folx over 50, not a support group. I make it a point to hang out on zoom when the group is run. We do support each other. We reflect and enjoy life too. As a support group it's flawed, newbies have a hard time feeling comfy in the group.

I used to go to an "all ages" group made up of 80% under 35 folx with a few of us older types. I have not been in a while. The zoom calls were on bottom surgery electrolysis nights. I found the group irritating. Regulars get support. I always felt like I wanted to scream "get over yourselves."

I have a friend putting a live group together. I may attend the next one.

~Jenn

Jenn,

I hope you get a good feeling from each meeting, and of course, skip the ones that are not useful.  I think groups should be there for newbies, although I can see some the usefulness of some groups for those who are more advanced in their transitions too.

But, newbies should not feel inferior by unkind participants.

Is anyone a more important transgender person solely because you have been transitioning longer?  Nope.  That attitude sounds unproductive and I hope many do not have it in these groups.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

I meet with a group at my local VA. It is an LGBTQ+ Support Group and at each meeting, our LGBTQ+ Care Coordinators have a topic that we discuss. Overall, I am not impressed. I enjoy meeting other LGBTQ+ Veterans and we offer tips and support to help each other through whatever a member is experiencing. Very often, the topics are not about what we want to discuss, so the discussions get hijacked a bit. I am guilty of doing that too.

The focus of the group is "Resiliency" and how we can better handle a variety of situations that we face. The problem is that most of our issues are specifically with the lack of care the VA is willing to help us with. Some care is prohibited by law, even though every other federal agency is supportive. It is difficult to seek help from a healthcare provider that refuses to provide you with healthcare.

We hope the regulations will be changed after the election, but until then our "Support Group" is just an opportunity to voice our dissatisfaction and have it entered into our medical records. I stopped going in person and now attend via video link, but I have increasingly felt that I don't want to waste my time. I may not continue until things change. Hanging out here with my sisters seems to be much more supportive and therapeutic for me.

Lori,


No one needs to waste her time, that is for sure.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

So far, it looks like perhaps some groups need to be more helpful.

Perhaps your group has been rather helpful.  Sound out here either way if you have the time to do so.


Chrissy

[Lori Dee]

So far, it looks like perhaps some groups need to be more helpful.

My group is helpful in that those who have been transitioning longer can provide a safe space for the newbies. Our newest member is still figuring out who he is at 80 years old and suspects he may be bisexual. So as a group, we offer support. Sadly, that is not the primary focus of the group and I think it should be. My involvement, the reason I keep going back is to help provide that safe space despite what the group coordinators are doing.

[ChrissyRyan]

My group is helpful in that those who have been transitioning longer can provide a safe space for the newbies. Our newest member is still figuring out who he is at 80 years old and suspects he may be bisexual. So as a group, we offer support. Sadly, that is not the primary focus of the group and I think it should be. My involvement, the reason I keep going back is to help provide that safe space despite what the group coordinators are doing.

The focus on serving participants makes sense.

Some may be nervous to attend the initial time too.  Privacy may be a concern, as well as ridicule, or not looking right to the group, etc. ad. naseum.  No one wants to feel unwelcome or as a misfit. 

Chrissy

[Lori Dee]

The focus on serving participants makes sense.

Some may be nervous to attend the initial time too.  Privacy may be a concern, as well as ridicule, or not looking right to the group, etc. ad. naseum.  No one wants to feel unwelcome or as a misfit. 

Chrissy

Exactly. And you can tell by their body language that they are nervous or uncomfortable. I try to include them in conversations until they relax and feel like one of the group.

[ChrissyRyan]

Exactly. And you can tell by their body language that they are nervous or uncomfortable. I try to include them in conversations until they relax and feel like one of the group.

Good for you girl.

Chrissy

[Jenn104]

Jenn,

I hope you get a good feeling from each meeting, and of course, skip the ones that are not useful.  I think groups should be there for newbies, although I can see some the usefulness of some groups for those who are more advanced in their transitions too.

But, newbies should not feel inferior by unkind participants.

Are you a more important transgender person solely because you have been transitioning longer?  That attitude sounds unproductive.

Chrissy

Hmm

Nope. I don't feel special in the least, for my over 50 group. I fact I would say after a few congratulations, we moved on to people with needs.

I do believe we can be hard to break the ice with. I have seen newbies sit, and listen... and listen... and listen. It's not a group big on icebreakers n intros. not purposely, just how it is facilitated.

it's not my only support network btw. I have a lot of friend groups and support. I believe you need many groups to transition successfully. My groups are just one part of my overall support strategy.

Jenn

[ChrissyRyan]

Hmm

Nope. I don't feel special in the least, for my over 50 group. I fact I would say after a few congratulations, we moved on to people with needs.

I do believe we can be hard to break the ice with. I have seen newbies sit, and listen... and listen... and listen. It's not a group big on icebreakers n intros. not purposely, just how it is facilitated.

it's not my only support network btw. I have a lot of friend groups and support. I believe you need many groups to transition successfully. My groups are just one part of my overall support strategy.

Jenn

Oh Jenn, that question was supposed to be rhetorical not one that asked you specifically.  My error in that regard.  I should have reread that post before sending it.  In fact I will go back and clarify it in my post.

Chrissy

[Lori Dee]

My groups are just one part of my overall support strategy.

So now we need to join competitive cycling clubs!
 

[Jenn104]

So now we need to join competitive cycling clubs!
 

I am in a cycling group. I am on my local Pride board. I belong to an LGBTQ speaking bureau, I try to make the events for members. I have social friends. I have volunteered in the community, not just the queer community. I check in with yoga friends (my morning walk was timed swing by the studio as the Sunday class ended. glad I stopped too).

I really believe multiple groups of friends and support is a key to my own transition.

Jenn

[big kim]

Wasn't impressed by the local group. I was told I "wsn't trans enough" despite having transitioned in 1991. Liking Metallica, 5FDP,punk rock, Triumphs & HD Sporsters, Mustangs, having tattoos not wearing makeup, not  using hair dye or wearing heels & a dress meant I wasn't welcome. I went a few times just to wind them up!

[Lori Dee]

I was told I "wsn't trans enough"

Sounds like a bunch of posers.

[big kim]

Sounds like a bunch of posers.

It was, not my idea of a good time dressing up like a teenage scrubber, hitting sleazy bars, listening to disco music  & driking til you spew!

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Chrissy came up with the following questions, even in my case, I never attended any support groups.  However answering the questions will give a perspective on why I did not.

Have you found transgender support groups to be helpful?

I have never attended any support groups.  So I cannot comment on their effectiveness.  While I have heard discussions about them, I was unsure if they would be beneficial for me.

It needs to be said, why I did not choose to attend any of these support groups that existed at the time.  That particular consideration would have occurred sometime during the two years between, when I changed my life around and my surgery.  I asked myself what could these support groups help me with?  I was living my life as Sarah, I had changed my name and documents, I was seeing doctors and psychiatrists, I was working full time, and actively engaging in various social and personal activities and another reason being I was a very private person.

Ultimately, the answer for me was, there was nothing, the support groups could not provide me with any additional support than I had already achieved by myself.  The dynamics of such groups may have influenced my decision.  However, this was a long time ago and my recollection and thoughts are somewhat vague.

Was it a group solely for transgender people or was it a broader lgbtq+ group?

I'm not sure, as it was over 35 years ago, and I don't recall the specifics of the group.

How did you find out about the group?

My memory of how I learned about the group is vague. It might have come up in conversation or been mentioned by someone, but I can't provide precise details due to the passage of time.

Will you continue with the group?

Since I never joined a support group for help in the first place, then I'm unable to continue with one.  Yes I'm aware that Susan's Place is a support group and I have never needed help that others tend to seek.  Since I was already 20 years post operative when I first came to Susan's.  I did join a couple of other support groups online, but I never really posted much and they have gone by the wayside so to speak.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Chrissy Ryan