Trans folks are asking: What do you do if you waited ‘too long’ to transition?

[Jessica_Rose]

Trans folks are asking: What do you do if you waited 'too long' to transition?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/relationships/trans-folks-are-asking-what-do-you-do-if-you-waited-too-long-to-transition/ar-AA1q4ukt?ocid=windirect&cvid=7a4f2687ea0e4914b18669ee82cd43e7&ei=42

Story by Jude Cramer (Sep 2024)

Trans folks can begin their physical transition at any age, but doing so later in life can come with added stigma. Does that mean there's such a thing as being "too old" to transition?

That's the question that drove a 29-year-old trans woman to ->-bleeped-<-, where she turned to other trans folks for advice. "My egg cracked when I was 20 and I've spent the last 9 years fighting it," she wrote in her post's title. "I don't want to be trans. What are my options?

"I figured it out when I was 20 but a bad therapist convinced me not to pursue it," she explained. "Now it's too late. I'm too muscular, masculine, ugly and balding to ever pass as a woman and I don't want to spend the rest of my life being harassed and treated like a freak. But the older I get and more masculine I become, the worse it gets. So what do I do? What are my options?"

That poster's questions were met with one resounding sentiment: it's never too late to start transitioning, no matter your age or what you look like.

"I transitioned at 30 and all I can say is that the worst time to transition is 'later,'" urged another trans person.

[Lilis]

I need to hear and read articles like these from time to time in my early days of medically transitioning.

I've learned that overcoming internalized transphobia is a process that requires time, support, and self-compassion.

Thank you so much, for sharing this article.

[Allie Jayne]

Ha! Perspective. So many of us transition late in life when we have the added complications from families, established careers and senior health issues.

There is a general belief that people feel they are trans and transitioning becomes a lifestyle choice, but the reality is somewhat different. At some stage in our lives we encounter negative feelings, and eventually relate them to gender incongruence. We want to reduce or rid ourselves of these feelings, so some people seek advice and find that transition is the solution. Some can choose that direction easily, but for many later in life, responsibilities, financial pressures, social considerations, and medical factors make it harder.

Despite all these practical factors which might influence our choice, many of us are at a stage when the negative feelings are affecting our lives to the point we must do something about them. So we enter this seemingly crazy period where we risk everything, our loved ones, financial security, social and business standings, to transition. We know that our age will limit the effectiveness of transition meds, but we have to try. We transition to end the depression, stress related health effects, and to become congruent.

There is no 'too late' to do this, it is a survival need. It's hard to see this when you are younger, and maybe the pressure of incongruence is not so great. You are concerned that maybe you won't be able to be fully stealth and this influences the concept of 'too late'. Older transitioners know they will never 'pass', but they must still transition.

Perspective.

Hugs,

Allie

[Lori Dee]

In my case, it is better to do it later in life. I am retired so I do not have to take off from work. I live alone and since no family is involved, I can do what I want, when I want. I don't need to consider anyone else's situation (spouse, roommate, etc.) in how I might transition.

The downside is retirement is a fixed-income situation, and since I am not working, I don't have the benefit of an employer insurance policy... and can't afford to pay premiums for another policy plus the $200 that Medicare takes out of my income each month.

Medicare will cover Gender Affirming Care, including surgeries, but paying $200/month in premiums does not cover all expenses. They also hit you with deductibles, co-pays, and co-insurance. That would leave me still paying thousands of dollars that I don't have. In my opinion, paying a premium should cover everything. A $500 deductible is understandable. Co-pays and coinsurance is a scam.

So on the social side, later in life is better for me. But not good from a financial standpoint. I am hopeful that President Harris will change the VA regulations so that transgender veterans will have their care covered, including surgery.

In the meantime, I will be digging gold out of the ground. The current gold spot price is now over $2,700 per ounce! The gold I dug up in 2016 has now doubled in value without any more work. I love my job. 

[KathyLauren]

It is literally never too late.  At 29, I probably would have fought it, too.  In fact, I suppose I did, because I buried it pretty deeply.  I ended up transitioning at 62.  I am 70 now and life is good.

She says that she doesn't want to be trans.  Well, none of us do, but it's not a choice.  We are what we are, and trying to fight it only makes you miserable.  I fought it for 33 years longer than the person in the story did, but resistance is futile, as they say.

[Lori Dee]

I started at 60 and am now 67. I want to get things moving! All of my doctors have said that age is not a factor, but general health. But as we age...

I recently read an article about a woman who had bottom surgery at 71. You go, Girl!

[ChrissyRyan]

Can you wait too long? 

I think it may be not as easy to do as you get older and older but if transitioning is needed and wanted for you, sure, why not?  I am unsure about the medical implications as one ages for physical transitions but that is between you and your physicians of course.

The social transition may be harder as one ages. But if one is determined to transition and feels good about it, maybe that will not be any harder than when one was younger.

The financial implications may be a bigger hardship as one ages, but that depends on your wealth of course.  It might be less a burden if one saved a lot. 

Insurance implications may be an issue at any age.

Ask the experts though for good advice, as these are simply comments not professional opinions.  Maybe some of us are experts in a way because we are or have transitioned though, who knows!

[darilee]

When I was younger, I could only see straight or gay. I knew I was different than my friends but only acted on those feelings a couple of times until my 40s. I was married for 10 yrs. when I started having sex with men on a regular basis, I thought I was gay until I found a man that treated me different than the others before him. It was then that I clearly realized I wasn't gay but definitely bi and trans by that time I was in my 50s. I decided that as soon as I retired at 60, I'd begin my transition. I do wish that I could have seen things better when I was younger, but I could not.
As a result of waiting I have a large family, I'm still in the closet except for my wife and there are times where I look in the mirror and am reminded how ugly I am. I waited to long for many reasons it actually came down to fear for me. I am happy living with my wife and being me and her loving me for who I am today, so even thou it's not perfect it works.
So, no it's never too late to transition.

[Sephirah]

Can you wait too long?

Yes. Take it from someone who did. And it has nothing to do with age. I know this is a different take on the whole thing to what people are talking about, so I'll leave it there.

In terms of how old you are, no... it's never too late. I don't want to say too much more than that, because that's not what this thread is about. As far as where you are in your life... no it's never too late to express yourself. I hesitate to use the word "be", because I am of the opinion that we are always ourselves, whether we know it, or can express it, or not.

The only time it becomes a question of waiting too long is if something happens that takes the ability away from you. Takes it out of your hands. Other than that... no. People find themselves when they find themselves. And that happens when it happens. Whatever age you decide to show the world who you are, you are beautiful.