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Thank you all

Started by Brynn, December 24, 2024, 07:39:59 PM

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Brynn

Hello everyone and thank you so much for all of your posts on Susan's as they have helped me learn a lot about myself over the past year, and to know that I'm not alone.

Please accept my introduction, which is really the re-emergence story of Bronwynn, or Brynn for short, a young girl who was trapped inside of this shell of a person for about 58 years. Assigned male at birth, I had what was characterized as a "sweet" disposition that was different from other males in my small Canadian town in the 1960's. That disposition didn't accord with societal and family expectations resulting in Brynn being banished to a place deep inside of me at about two years old. 

I had no idea why I was continually trying to prove that I was worthy of love and acceptance my whole life until Brynn finally kicked open the door to her cell this time last year. When she emerged, many of the disparate pieces of the puzzle that is my life were suddenly turned right side up on the puzzle table of consciousness.

During a roughly five year time period prior to last year I lived through the classic shame and rage story, with self-questioning and self-loathing as to why an A type male could want to be a woman so badly that it hurt. I finally summoned the nerve to tell my therapist last November and that led, a month later, to the even harder conversation with my wife and partner of 32 years.

Now here we are, one year later and the puzzle pieces are aligning thanks to the assistance of three different therapists. My wife and I continue to come to terms, and have achieved a semblance of peace, with my true self's emergence. I am now close to being prepared to take the next step of explaining all of this to our two grown children.

Thank you once again for being here on this forum and for sharing your wisdom! 

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season!

Bronwynn

ChrissyRyan

Brynn,

First of all let me welcome you here.  Welcome!

Second, the official welcoming team will stop by soon to also greet you!

Third, Merry Christmas!


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 

ChrissyRyan

Brynn,

Your introduction talks of your struggles and clarity achieved.  It takes some courage to speak up and to face any consequences of doing so.  Plus you have another disclosure challenge upcoming.

I do wish you the best of results, as well as peace and comfort, however you proceed. 

Do visit again.  Other members will post replies over time, and you may receive some helpful thoughts.  Plus our many other threads and topics may provide you with additional insights and information.

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 

Sarah B

Hello Bronwynn

My name is Sarah B and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Chrissy has also welcomed you and I'm sure there will be others who will be coming along and greeting you warmly and with open arms.

Thank you for sharing your story.  It takes courage to embrace your true self after so many years and I admire how you have faced this journey with strength and clarity.

It's inspiring to hear about the love and understanding you and your wife have built as you navigate this together.  Thirty two years is a strong bond and your thoughtful approach shows how much you value your family.

As you prepare to talk with your children, I hope it brings even more connection and understanding.  It sounds like you've created a solid foundation of support and I wish you continued peace and happiness.

I wish you and your family a joyful holiday season filled with love and warmth. Thank you for trusting us with your story, Bronwynn.  Remember we are here to support you in any way we can.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the various other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.   When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Take care and I wish you and your family all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee
@Northern Star Girl
@Brynn


Things that you should read





Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Brynn

Hello Chrissy and Sarah B - thank you both for your warm welcomes and best wishes!

I have really appreciated the posts you two regularly make and will start to join in more often now!

It hasn't been an easy road for any of us but the theme that I think underlines so many of the posts over the years is that one ignores one's true self at their peril. After a summer of self-delusion where I pretended that I could manage my dysphoria, my true self asserted her primacy and it has been a rapid progression towards transition since November.

Couples counselling has been helpful to arrive at a point where we will remain financially and emotionally entwined but live apart given that my wife isn't a lesbian like me. Our strategy to speak with our children has also been aided by our couples therapist which has been very helpful.

Starting with a low dose of estradiol (patch) in late November has been the absolute best for me - like a warm blanket on my brain and an amazing shift of perspective. Julia Serano's words to the effect in Whipping Girl that starting estrogen "just felt right" leapt from the page that I had read last winter within a day of my first patch going on. I am now planning to increase my dosing level at about the two month mark.

Tomorrow we are going to my in-laws overnight for Christmas dinner. My wife has been sad and reflective lately as she knows that each of these holiday events will be the last ones that, outwardly at least, appear normal. She has been very supportive indeed, despite the pain that this has caused over the past year and will continue to cause into the future. At least we are talking and she has stated that she thinks we might become even closer emotionally as a result of this journey we're on - which is what my primary therapist said to me about a year ago. It hasn't been easy to date, won't be easy in the future but, nothing good in life is right?

Thank you again for taking the time to welcome me Chrissy and Sarah B! I hope you both have a lovely Christmas eve and Christmas tomorrow.

Brynn

Lori Dee

Welcome Brynn and thank you for your introduction.

I am happy to hear that you have a therapist actively engaged in helping you and your family through this. That is a very valuable asset. I am also very proud of your wife for agreeing to go through this with you, is making a huge effort to understand how all this will work out. Many couples here on Susan's have been through the same ordeal and remain married for many years after.

I wish you all the best and look forward to any updates you wish to share.

Have a Merry Christmas!
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete

Moonflower

Quote from: Brynn on December 24, 2024, 07:39:59 PMBrynn finally kicked open the door to her cell

Welcome!
:icon_wave:
1999 we met and married :icon_archery:
Fall 2018 The woman hiding behind my husband's facade is coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began MTF HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on transitioning medically.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 my wife submitted letters approving of medically transitioning, she's legally changing her name and gender on all of her and our documents and accounts.
January 2025!  SURGERY!

Welcome, to Significant Others
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247396.0.html

Our transitioning blog, "Opening The Cage"
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,241591.0.html

BlueSky @weavinggrace.bsky.social

Moonflower

Quote from: Brynn on December 24, 2024, 08:51:01 PMIt hasn't been easy to date, won't be easy in the future

When I think of my favorite memories, they tend to be the results of tackling the hardest challenges.

May you continue to choose hope over grief for at least one minute today.
:icon_wave:
1999 we met and married :icon_archery:
Fall 2018 The woman hiding behind my husband's facade is coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began MTF HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on transitioning medically.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 my wife submitted letters approving of medically transitioning, she's legally changing her name and gender on all of her and our documents and accounts.
January 2025!  SURGERY!

Welcome, to Significant Others
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247396.0.html

Our transitioning blog, "Opening The Cage"
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,241591.0.html

BlueSky @weavinggrace.bsky.social

Brynn

Thank you very much Lori Dee and Moonflower! I appreciate your kind words of welcome and wisdom!

I hope you both have a lovely, festive day!

Brynn

ChrissyRyan

Brynn,


You are welcome!

Enjoy your day with your family.


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 

Jessica_Rose

Brynn, you and I are not so different. I'm married, with two adult children. It was about seven years ago when I finally figured out why I was always angry. At first, my wife was very upset with me. Eventually, she realized that I was becoming a better version of the person she married so long ago. Last June, we celebrated our 40th anniversary. It was a difficult journey, but everything did work out.

I hope you and your loved ones have a fabulous Christmas.

Love always -- Jess
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA w/Dr. Ley
GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
Hair - Hair Restoration
23Mar2017 - HRT / 16Feb2018 - Full Time! / 21Feb2019 - GCS / 26July2019 - GCS II / 13Oct2020 - FFS II
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot

Brynn

Thank you Jess!

I hope you had a nice day with your family!

Love to you as well,

Brynn

tgirlamg

Brynn!

Welcome and kudos to you for your courage to step outside of the shell!...Nothing truly spectacular happens inside a shell anyways... Sometimes we find ourself at a point where the safety and familiarity they provide are no longer of the primary importance and are more akin to a prison cell. 🌻

May your journey forward be blessed and filled with joyous liberation as you seek out and discover the things you truly need to make your life, finally, one that serves the person within. 🌻

Just in case you have not seen it, this paper:

https://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5i

Addresss well the dynamic you spoke of with a type A male at different stages of life with gender dysphoria... Many of us came to this path as part of the group Dr Vitale describes as Group 3 individuals! 🌻

All good things to you sister

Onward We Go...

Ashley 💕

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻

Brynn

Hello Ashley - my apologies for the very slow reply but I have been offline all week while working.

Thank you so much for your inspirational messages at your "Corner" and for your contagiously positive lines of affirmation!

While every word you have written strikes a chord of the harp that is my mind, "...She needs protection no longer...She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know...Let her prove that to you...Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face" strikes the chord creating the sweetest note of all.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today at work, I put your words into play Ashely. Using the courage that I had needed to overcome my fear of physical confrontation for so many years - essentially over-riding my central nervous system's preference for flight, and fighting in order to protect my inner, and imprisoned, woman by demonstrating that I was sufficiently manly - I revealed myself as Bronwynn to, one-by-one, three lovely colleagues. Hours later, I am still warmed by each of their respective responses, all three of which were so positive and so unique as to establish higher levels of intimacy and connection.

I know that I would not have been able to have done what I did today without having read, thought about and, finally, adopting the spirt of, your affirmation Ashley. So, once again, thank you, thank you, thank you.

My hope is that you and your family are well tonight Ashley.

Brynn




tgirlamg

Quote from: Brynn on January 10, 2025, 09:51:06 PMHello Ashley - my apologies for the very slow reply but I have been offline all week while working.

Thank you so much for your inspirational messages at your "Corner" and for your contagiously positive lines of affirmation!

While every word you have written strikes a chord of the harp that is my mind, "...She needs protection no longer...She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know...Let her prove that to you...Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face" strikes the chord creating the sweetest note of all.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today at work, I put your words into play Ashely. Using the courage that I had needed to overcome my fear of physical confrontation for so many years - essentially over-riding my central nervous system's preference for flight, and fighting in order to protect my inner, and imprisoned, woman by demonstrating that I was sufficiently manly - I revealed myself as Bronwynn to, one-by-one, three lovely colleagues. Hours later, I am still warmed by each of their respective responses, all three of which were so positive and so unique as to establish higher levels of intimacy and connection.

I know that I would not have been able to have done what I did today without having read, thought about and, finally, adopting the spirt of, your affirmation Ashley. So, once again, thank you, thank you, thank you.

My hope is that you and your family are well tonight Ashley.

Brynn





@Brynn

Brynn!

What a sweet reply sister! Thank you so much for the kind words! 🙏

I am so pleased you found some value in what I wrote and took some more courageous steps forward. How absolutely wonderful to find reward with each of the colleagues you spoke to!... You will find these steps add up quickly and you will find the power of sharing yourself and... finally making more meaningful and rewarding connections with others... As we offer our true self to others we often get back the same... and if not... as Walt Whitman said:

"Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Enjoy every step Bronwynn, the challenges along this path can all be navigated and the reward of finally living in the manner you choose is an experience not to be missed... 🌻

Please don't hesitate to let me know if I can be of any help to you in the days, months and years ahead. I look forward to seeing you life truly blossom for you! 💕🤗💕 You have landed in a great place here with a wealth of experience and perspective to draw on from people who have found what they needed in all of this and made their lives their own 🌻

I hear in your words, the right mix of determination, resolve, courage, hope and optimism that will carry you far! 🌻

Onward We Go Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻

Brynn

Hi Ashley!

Thank you so much for sharing what you have to date and for your offer of assistance should the need arise to tap into your reservoir of expertise! I really appreciate the experience of yourself and others, it gives me hope during those times that my resolve wanes!

Bye for now!

Brynn