Transitioning in Older Age

[D'Amalie]

I'm still flabbergasted that I qualify as "Older Age"!  But it changes nothing.  I must still be struggling for self justifying the way I feel and expressing gratitude for how my life is turning out, because I can't seem to leave this behind the last couple of days.  While trying to glean nuggets of truth to help one of our younger members reduce dysphoria, I found this from the innerwebs:

My name is Sammi, and I'm an older, more mature trans woman than you usually see with a story.
Are you starting your MTF transition after 30? Are you starting your MTF Transition after 50? Perhaps you're even transitioning as an AMAB person after 70.

This story could be for you.

Transitioning as an Older Trans Woman
A story for the older male-to-female trans women transitioning after 30, 40, or 50.

I was recently sitting around a table at work with two colleagues when a young student looked over at us and said

Wow, do you know that in a few years your combined age will be 200?
He was a little out; our combined age is currently 184, but still... Naturally, we smiled and swiftly changed the subject.

This incident got me thinking about age and how different life would have been, had I been able to transition when I was young.

Read More:

https://www.gendergp.com/transitioning-in-older-age/ 🔗

[D'Amalie]

Like the entire article, but especially this:

...when I grew up I had no idea what a trans person really was, all I knew was that I was different. Times have thankfully moved on. This makes it easier for the older, more mature trans women like me.

[TanyaG]

Great piece, good catch. There was just nothing back in the sixties and seventies. Even the interweb lay twenty five years in the future. You couldn't read anything in a library, in the newspapers (no social media, of course!) the word 'trans' was completed by everyone with '...vestite' and on the few occasions it wasn't, was completed with '...sexual' in an atmosphere of such prurience it is hard to imagine now.

Transsexualism was just beginning to become the prevailing theory and was based on Freud's collapsing of sex, gender and sexual orientation, which led to some awful mistakes. One of the joint editors on an influential book about transsexualism at the time was guess who? Money, the psychologist who gained retrospective fame for the David Reimer case. It was such a mire I'm amazed any of us managed to wade through it and not drown  🙂

[Annaliese]

Like the entire article, but especially this:

...when I grew up I had no idea what a trans person really was, all I knew was that I was different. Times have thankfully moved on. This makes it easier for the older, more mature trans women like me.

when I grew up it much the same in the early 60's I can't even recall much of anything even about gay ir lesbian let alone ->-bleeped-<-.  I had a troubled childhood.  Having been moved from country to country at a very young age. Noo one ever even talked about these things in my circle. I went to Catholic scools until I returned to the USA in 74. But after I joined the military,  My exposure soon became more into these topics. The gay community became more prevalent.  It took center stage as time passed. It soon became a common and normality in the USA. I can't seem to think that this will eventually happen with the transgender community in time. I think the biggest hurdle is that the society we are part of is not caught up with this yet. But I do feel it will. But there is the stigma with children being exploited I fear among society.

I don't know that I even knew back then what I would have thought if I knew what I knew now...

[Devlyn]

when I grew up it much the same in the early 60's I can't even recall much of anything even about gay ir lesbian let alone ->-bleeped-<-.  I had a troubled childhood.  Having been moved from country to country at a very young age. Noo one ever even talked about these things in my circle. I went to Catholic scools until I returned to the USA in 74. But after I joined the military,  My exposure soon became more into these topics. The gay community became more prevalent.  It took center stage as time passed. It soon became a common and normality in the USA. I can't seem to think that this will eventually happen with the transgender community in time. I think the biggest hurdle is that the society we are part of is not caught up with this yet. But I do feel it will. But there is the stigma with children being exploited I fear among society.

I don't know that I even knew back then what I would have thought if I knew what I knew now...

Can you clarify this?

[Annaliese]

Can you clarify this?

I just speak to what I see in the media and around my sphere of people I know. Maybe exploit was the wrong word.  Perception that children are not able to make their own decisions about their own life choices is where I was going. Parents in some cases are being taken out of the decision and I think this is what I see as a big concern for many that is hard to deal with. I'm  not saying that this is right or wrong. I am just stating what I see as a stumbling block on the forward progress of the community.  This has become as I see it a big talking point that has shined a light on the community besides men in womans sports. This I think is what I was trying to state.

[Devlyn]

I just speak to what I see in the media and around my sphere of people I know. Maybe exploit was the wrong word.  Perception that children are not able to make their own decisions about their own life choices is where I was going. Parents in some cases are being taken out of the decision and I think this is what I see as a big concern for many that is hard to deal with. I'm  not saying that this is right or wrong. I am just stating what I see as a stumbling block on the forward progress of the community.  This has become as I see it a big talking point that has shined a light on the community besides men in womans sports. This I think is what I was trying to state.

Those are dog whistle talking points spread by our detractors. Children aren't being forced to do anything. Parents ARE NOT being taken out of any decisions.

[Annaliese]

Those are dog whistle talking points spread by our detractors. Children aren't being forced to do anything. Parents ARE NOT being taken out of any decisions.

I'm not saying they are. I never said anything about being FORCED. And IN SOME STATES THERE ARE PROCESSES THAT ALLOW CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS TO BYPASS PARENTS FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND. I'm just stating what I see as possible stumbling blocks I see in our progress forward with this society.  Some peoples perception is their reality. 

We can't deny that this is what is in the media. I believe that eventually this will be overcome and will sort it's self out. But these types of issues are not instantly solved. I believe our younger generation will be playing a major role in our communities progress in the future.

[tgirlamg]

@Devlyn

Your avatar is rockin' sister!!!...  Hoping all is well in España!

Hugs!

A 💕

[Northern Star Girl]

@tgirlamg
    I agree. 
Also your Avatar and many others here on the Forum are also quite rockin'

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

@Devlyn '

Your avatar is rockin' sister!!!...  Hoping all is well in España!

Hugs!

A 💕

[Devlyn]

Aww, thanks ladies!  😘

That's an older pic, after the forum crash it defaulted back to that one. Probably taken around 2017/2018?  🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

[Lori Dee]

Aww, thanks ladies!  😘

That's an older pic, after the forum crash it defaulted back to that one. Probably taken around 2017/2018?  🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

I like that pic. I think it's the only one I have seen, though.
<---- post crash newb. 

[Sephirah]

Yeah Dev is gorgeous, like the rest of you. You all have that light that shines behind your smile. Every pic I've seen of her, she looks.. happy. You can always tell when a smile is genuine. 🙂

[Gina P]

  As one who started transitioning at 60, I have been filled with the what if's. If I transitioned at 20 or younger would my life had been better, different.? Would I have missed having a family, child, love of my wife? The list goes on and on. The only thing I can come up with is life is life. Decisions are made and we move forward. Good, bad, whatever. There is no sense dwelling on the past, at least I finally got up the courage to do it and live the rest of my life happy.
   In the 60-70's there was really not any info out there about transitioning. Of course we had Benny Hill dressing as a woman and getting laughs about it and Klinger on Mash trying to get a section 8 (crazy) discharge because of it. But real info was not available. Fast forward, family develops, work and friends form. It all seamed harder to transition and possibly lose all this until it really didn't matter anymore. 

[TanyaG]

The only thing I can come up with is life is life. Decisions are made and we move forward.

We all reach our own compromises and the process and experiences which lead us to our decisions is dynamic, so there's no way of looking back. Which is kind of fun, I think, knowing there isn't a universal solution, but instead an infinite combination of different ones, because we've all led such varied lives.

[Jessica 33]

As one who started transitioning at 60, I have been filled with the what if's. If I transitioned at 20 or younger would my life had been better, different.? Would I have missed having a family, child, love of my wife? The list goes on and on. The only thing I can come up with is life is life. Decisions are made and we move forward. Good, bad, whatever. There is no sense dwelling on the past, at least I finally got up the courage to do it and live the rest of my life happy.
   In the 60-70's there was really not any info out there about transitioning. Of course we had Benny Hill dressing as a woman and getting laughs about it and Klinger on Mash trying to get a section 8 (crazy) discharge because of it. But real info was not available. Fast forward, family develops, work and friends form. It all seamed harder to transition and possibly lose all this until it really didn't matter anymore.

This is exactly how I feel Gina.Back then you might read the odd salacious story about some girl being outed.ie Caroline Cossey.There was never any information regarding hormones /srs or transitioning in general. Well at least not where I grew up. I believe if that information had been more available I would have transitioned back then.Life complicates things

[Bobbieenfemme]

I'm 82 yo, and transitioning MTF.
I've been a lingerie CD all my life, and I made sure my wife knew about my need.  She tolerated it.
After she died in 2021 and I no longer had to limit how I presented, I experienced an overwhelming need to meet my femme persona.  I already had lots of lingerie, but I went on a shopping spree for outer wear, shoes, wigs, makeup, etc.  It wasn't long before I was out in public, doing typical daily woman activities - shopping, salon treatments, dining, etc.  I felt very comfortable and confident.  I've attended Diva Socials, Keystone, and local trans MeetUp events.
I had my prostate removed 20+ years ago.  The cancer continues to affect me, and I need to take the next step.  Typically that means androgen deprivation (hormone) therapy.  But I just started on the estrogen patch, and I'm concerned the prostate hormone therapy will not work well with estrogen.  So I've decided to have an orchiectomy.  I will not miss them!!!
I told my children abd granchildren about my transitioning.  They weren't excited, but they accept me and my changees. However, they have never asked to see me as Bobbie.  Maybe some day.
I wish I had been able to start my journey at a much younger age.  But as we all know, it's better late than never.
Bobbie

[Sarah B]

Hi Bobbie

My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I would like to acknowledge what you have achieved after a lifetime of keeping so much of yourself tucked away.  Claiming your everyday life, finding your voice, letting your style bloom in the open, that is real courage strength and heart.

You mentioned sharing your path with your children plus grandchildren.  It is good to hear that some of your family are accepting.  Even quiet acceptance can be a steady anchor while you keep building a life that feels true.

It is also lovely to hear how much joy you are finding in your new wardrobe.  Treating yourself to outerwear, shoes, wigs, makeup, salon days, dinners out, those sparks of everyday pleasure matter.  If you would like more company on the style side, we have a forum dedicated to cross dressers if you wish to make use of it.

About the height change you noticed, age plus long-term higher weight can compress the spine over time, which often leads to some loss of height.  One thing that usually does not change is foot size.  Adult bones tend to stay put regardless of hormone use, so plan footwear for the size you are now.

When considering your next steps, bringing in the right professionals is wise.  An endocrinologist can help balance hormones your body needs, coordinate care with your cancer history, monitor labs, protect bone health.  Depending on how far you want to go, a therapist who specializes in gender identity can offer support, help with letters where required, guide you through the process of obtaining an orchiectomy if that is your wish.

Most of all, please hold close this truth you already live.  You are never too old to follow your dreams.  It is never too late to start.  Your steadiness, your honesty, your delight in daily life shine brightly.  Cheering you on from the other side of the planet.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum, of course.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl at  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com or me at  SarahatSusans@proton.me

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@Bobbieenfemme

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[big kim]

I was born  in 1957 and transitioned shortly before  my 34th birthday. There was no information  other than sensational stories in seedy newspapers usually  showing a burly sailor who changed  into aglamorous blonde.
I kept it quiet told no one. Eventually  in October 1989 I asked the Dr and was sent to the local hospital  who threatened to section  me. I told the Dr this wasn't  good  enough and he referred  me to Charing Cross  hospital.
In January  1990 I started self medicating and growing  my hair out and electrolysis.
Got my appointment in  May 1991 finally, op in December  1994.
I wish I was able to transition as a teenager

[Lori Dee]

I, too, was born in 1957. Throughout my life, some thoughts and behaviors may have indicated Gender Dysphoria, but in my world, the only options deemed to be either gay or straight. I never viewed myself as either, but needed to conform to society's expectations for my own safety.

While pursuing a private practice as a hypnotherapist, I began to start really look deep into myself. I relied on a colleague for advice, which led me to eventually see a psychologist with experience in Gender Identities. It was only then that all of those thoughts and behaviors began to make sense.

With a better understanding of who I was inside, I began my transition at age 62. I wish I had known all of this when I was much younger and could have transitioned much earlier in life. But my life's circumstances, as now, do not allow that yet.

When I think back to all of the signs that pointed to transgender, I am reminded of the quote by Winston Churchill:

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened".