Should I give up or finish to the end

[NancyDrew1930]

Spoiler

So part of my life that I have kept hidden on this board is that I am taking a Bible course at a conservative Christian college (I started this before I transitioned to the rest of the world, although I was on HRT), and I have been able to hide my ->-bleeped-<- from them for the duration of my course, however, I am getting to the point where I'm like 97% done, but I have to do the field work for the course (4 semesters worth of field work---because of my other issues I left it to the end) and now I'm getting to the point where if I reveal myself the them and the church I'll be doing the field work at, the college would possible expel me or somehow strip my credits.  I am planning to go on to another Christian University that accepts trans students.  Some of my family is telling me that I should drop out because they know that the college and its denomination do not accept Trans people, however, I want to get the degree so that it wasn't a waste of money and I can use the credits as transfer credits.  Has anyone ever been in a position like this before?

[Lori Dee]

I have not been in this position, but I would be inclined to tough it out and finish up. Yes, there is a risk that may prevent you from finishing, but that would be out of your hands. There is also the chance that no one would interfere, and you could achieve your goal. You are so close. They only win if you give up.

[Sephirah]

Listen to yourself. Not what other people tell you. Their advice is coloured by how they feel. Follow your instincts.

[NancyDrew1930]

Another thing that I'm finding is that over the past 18 months, since they joined forces with another college to share professors and programs, the quality has gone down, and really without me being transgender, the professors haven't really accepted my Asperger's, and even over the summer one of my courses was on worldviews and I found they were only really accepting of neurotypical views.

I'm talking with another seminary that's connected with a trans affirming denomination right now to see if I could transfer there and how transferring would work, even if I have to wait a year. 

[Lori Dee]

I'm talking with another seminary that's connected with a trans affirming denomination right now to see if I could transfer there and how transferring would work, even if I have to wait a year. 

That would be a good option if they would give you credit for the work you have already done. Let us know how that turns out. Good luck!

[Sarah B]

Hi Nancy

You have already shown incredible perseverance to reach this point, but the situation with your current college is becoming too risky.  You mentioned being on HRT, hiding your true self during your studies and now facing the challenge of completing four semesters of field work in an unsupportive and even hostile environment.

With the merger lowering quality and the professors not even accepting your Asperger's, the field work requirement is not just academically demanding, it is a place where you could easily be exposed.  A safer and more realistic path forward is possible.

A possible path for you would be the following.  It is offered only as a guide and ultimately it is up to you to decide how best to follow your dreams.

Step 1:
Stop going or pause at your current college.  Do not attempt the four semesters of field work because of the toxicity of the environment, the merger and the real chance of you being discovered during placements.  Instead, request an official transcript of the work you have already completed and if possible get an outline of those subjects.  These will be vital if you want to transfer to another seminary college, doing so will maximise your chances of getting the maximum number of credits at the new college.

Step 2:
Contact the seminary that accepts trans students and ask exactly what credits will be transferred.  Provide the transcript and subject outlines from Step 1.  Clarify what would still be required to finish your Bible or Theology course there.  Make sure to get the credit transfer policies in writing.

Step 3:
Plan for your name change.  If you have already changed your legal name, then enroll under your new name so that your degree is issued in that name.  If you have not yet changed it, you can do so later, since diplomas and transcripts can be reissued once your new legal name has been changed.

Step 4:
Be prepared for the possibility that not all credits will be transferred.  This may add time to your degree.  This is not wasted effort, but an investment in your future.  Living authentically, especially in a seminary that will accept you as you are, is far more valuable than staying in a place where you are unsafe.

Step 5:
Seek out support at the affirming seminary, if you want too.  Support networks will make the journey smoother both academically and personally.

These steps are simply ideas for you to consider.  Please take what feels right and leave what does not.  The important thing is that you find a path where you are safe, accepted and able to pursue your calling without fear.  Whatever route you choose, your effort and perseverance so far have not been wasted.  You deserve to finish in a place that honours both your faith and your identity.

So please don't give up. There is a way forward for you, even if it looks different from what you first expected.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NancyDrew1930

[NancyDrew1930]

Thanks @Sarah B , I am going to request my official transcript and ask them for an outline of my subjects. 

I'm not too sure if it turn any worst this week, since I was talking to a pastor at a church connected to the Pentecostal denomination my college is connected too (so we were face to face so I could observe his body language and that), and I thought he might've been okay at the local level, so I had to send him a few papers (criminal check and a certificate for a vulnerability course showing that I passed it), since at one point during the live interview, I had mentioned that with my health conditions I had had to do things that some people in the church believed were sin in order to function and not be in a bubble and the way he reacted he seemed to be alright with it and said don't worry.  So when I sent him the check & certificate I elaborated more on what I had meant and he emailed me back to tell me that the church followed the National level policy on transgender.  So I'm not sure what is going to happen.  So in case he contacts the college I'll get the transcript (in paper) so that they can't change it.  I did have 3 more non-field work courses to complete but I'll have to see what the Lutheran seminary says.

[NancyDrew1930]

There is one course that I'm going to try to finish of the three that I mentioned, because I already paid a fee to get enrolled in it because it was not being offered this year, except through making a request to do it as a video on demand course where I'll be watching videos from another year.  Otherwise I'm not to sure how my credits transfer will go, because my current college already accepted the credits I earned in a two-year diploma program 20 years ago to help advance me where I currently am.   And on the website for the seminary I'm talking to, it sounds like I won't be able to use those, although when I bring up my transcript online from my current college, it shows them as part of my current credits.  Anyway, I'll have to wait and see---unfortunately being the weekend there's not much happening right now.

[Sarah B]

Hi Nancy

You are being very wise to request your transcript and subject outlines now.  Having both in hand will protect you no matter what happens at your current college.  The outlines are especially important because they show the exact content of what you studied which makes it easier for another seminary to grant you the maximum number of credits when you transfer.

It makes sense to finish the one course you already paid for since it is a video on demand course and does not involve risky field work.  It will add value to your transcript and help strengthen your case when you apply to the new seminary.

I understand your concern about the old diploma credits.  Policies differ and the Lutheran seminary may not recognise them.  Even so, your transcript and subject outlines will place you in the strongest position possible and you will not lose what you have already completed.

It is very important that you do not tell anyone at the college about your status.  You should also tell the pastor clearly and firmly though in a kind way that what you shared is private and must remain confidential.  Setting that boundary will help protect you.

I say this from experience.  When I changed my life around I was enrolled in a university at the time.  I wanted to attend but not under my old name so I chose not to attend.  Immediately after that decision I legally changed my name and then obtained my transcripts from school and trade school.  At that stage a decade had passed so subject outlines were not available but I never needed them anyway.

Five years after changing my name I enrolled in a university again under my new legal name.  Because I kept everything private I had no problems later on.  By telling no one I have lived a life without hassle in regards to my past.  For you the subject outlines are more important because you are transferring now and they will maximise your credits at the new seminary.

The Lutheran seminary may be much more open to accepting you and recognising your prior study.  Even if you need to redo some courses it would be in a place where you can focus on your calling without the constant fear of exposure. 

Step by step you are creating options for yourself and that shows real strength and foresight.  Please keep hold of that.  You deserve to study in a place that respects you and gives you the chance to grow in peace.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NancyDrew1930

[NancyDrew1930]

Hi @Sarah B at this time I don't think the pastor would receive me asking him to keep it confidential even if I asked him in a polite way.  And he's already had one business day to email or even call the college, so even if I did it may be too late.  However, when I told him, I made it as clear as I think it could to let him know that this was a medical issue, and under Canadian law, when it comes to pastors discussing medical issues, they can only do it with the person. 

The course I'm enrolled in, when I look on the Lutheran Seminary's website I can find no equivalent course or even one that sounds like a Finance and Administration course for working in a church/non-profit.  So I'm thinking that I'll do this so that I do have that behind me as well.  So I will probably have to request a new transcript later that incorporates this course in it, since the transcript I just requested will only show what I have completed to date. 

However, I also saw that for their MDiv program, the Lutheran seminary have a course looking at transgender and intersex people as well as other LGBTQ+ people.  So that might be an interesting course to take as a transgender individual---of course for others in the class I might turn into their "lab rat".  But that's in the future.

[Sarah B]

Hi Nancy

Whatever course you do will be to your advantage and you will know what will be best for you.

When I was doing a college course in civil engineering there was a time when I thought about quitting because other students were thinking of quitting and some did. However I said to myself, No, an excellent decision as it stood me in good stead when I changed my life around and was able to work as myself when I changed my life around.

I suppose I'm just pointing out the obvious, but just to clarify, you have a diploma from 20 years ago and are currently doing a course at your new college. You can bring your diploma and its transcripts together with your current transcripts and subject outlines to the new college.

That way you'll set yourself up for the best possible outcome in whatever you decide to do. In the end it's all about making things work for you.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS Added third and second last paragraph.
@NancyDrew1930