Hello,
Thank you for sharing this. I am older and I have experienced the same thing. I have even fought, and tried to convince myself of the same thing over the last several decades. Yet here I am. I am married, and have kids, and worked among the most macho environments you can think of (Marines, Army, trucking, oil field, mining, construction) and yet I cannot shake the feeling I am a woman at heart. I understand waking up, and thinking about being the wrong gender everyday. It is a hard struggle, and very tiring. I joined Susan's place 15 years ago, and then life happened and I got off the website. Recently I joined back into the site, and I am glad I did. I am still coming to the reality that I have been fighting this my whole life. Also I realize just talking about it makes it more real. This is an amazing place to find safety, and people that understand.
Please know you are not alone, and not the only one here who is older, and struggling to accept your gender identity as real. It is a process to get to that point, however, for me it just hit a point that I had to either accept it after all the research, or continue to fight the battles of being in the wrong gender. For me it will be a slow process, but accepting who I truly am has brought some peace. I have found another amazing therapist that is helping me via Telehealth, and that has helped me to make sense of my gender dysphoria, and be able to talk this openly, without judgement, and someone with a genuine desire to help me.
Please remember you are not alone. However, I personally understand how hard that can be, even to make the decision to state publicly how you feel.
