Hi Darksou I'm sure you are aware of the following and I'm mentioning these points to help you clarify things in your own mind.
Gender identity is an inner sense of self. It sits apart from sex. Sex refers to biological traits such as chromosomes, hormones and anatomy. Those traits describe a body. They do not define the mind. You are aiming for a body that sits away from typical male and female expectations which is valid.
A person can hold a gender identity while choosing a mix of so-called masculine and feminine traits. For social dysphoria you can trial small changes that are easy to reverse. Try things like, titles at work, names on key accounts and IDs you choose. Clothing, hair and accessories that read as androgynous to you. Keep what eases stress, drop what does not. These choices belong to gender expression and social roles.
What you do next in your journey is ultimately up to you. You have mentioned that you are seeking sterilisation. I am assuming a full hysterectomy please correct me if I am wrong. In addition you are seeking top surgery. In many settings you do not need a surgery letter for either. Adults can proceed under an informed consent model which WPATH recognises. However some hospitals, insurers and surgeons require a letter. In some cases two letters are required. If so two independent psychiatrists, psychologists or therapists would be required. If you can arrange it both surgeries can be done at the same time.
On HRT there are options to discuss with your clinician. You can continue as is, lower the dose, change formulation or take a monitored pause while monitoring what happens to you while these changes take place. If ovaries are removed you will need long term HRT. If ovaries are retained you may not need HRT though some people still choose it for symptom control. Something to consider is that at the moment you have testosterone and estrogen coursing through your body and this may be causing problems. So you should seek a specialised clinician who deals with hormones.
For hair you can target body zones while keeping facial hair. Laser or IPL works best on darker hair against lighter skin. Start with test spots to confirm safety and response. Book a series of appointments since hair grows in cycles. For light or fine hair use electrolysis in the highest priority areas.
I hope you find the peace you deserve and I also wish you all the best for the future.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@darksou