What is "True Love" ?

[Bob]

Chynna:
   Please don't take this the wrong way , I'm not trying to be abusive or push you down to push me up in any way... this is what I have observed...
  You are hideing. hideing from yourself and from others, why I don't know but the results are there in your statement " it is what it is and I'm all I can be"   when you know very well it could be better ! I hardly Know you Chynna but i like you already !   you have spunk ! and that is good ! You may well indeed like being the way you are in the relationship idea if thats the case  great then you are where you want to be . impervious to pain and not aproachable eather.  with every action there is an equil and opisit reaction as the saying goes in physics, but the same can be said for our emotions as well, if you feel no pain you will feel no love, if you feel no attachment you will not feel attached to anyone, I think perhaps you have taken it to extreams and that may be good for you and it may not be,  You are the judge of that .
  each of us finds a way to deal with life in the best way they can .
Some times we find that we have backed ourselves into a cornor and can't find a way out , our attitudes change to fit the life we live, our actions change to fit the attitudes.... and we are changed... we're not what we once were.
However we can change being trapped in the same way we got there in the first place, by  slowly, steadially wanting to be something diferent, your attitude changes,and your actions change to sute. purty soon you are changed
again.... its not rocket science by any means you just have to want it bad enough to do it . and yes at first it takes alot of consious effort.
Change usually comes with a price too. but so does liveing in a way you don't want to. if your liveing in a way you enjoy then fantastic for you !you are one of the very few, but don't decieve yourself in the proccess eather .
we can fool ourselves real easy.... our minds are very abligeing in that regard ! <grin>
Bob......

[Chynna]

Nice....

Hiding?!
mmm.... lets flip that to say coping the best way I can with the drama life has handed me.
I couldn't hide from myself if I truly tried besides the point would be mute anyway to try.
as for hiding from others. well, Yes I could agree with that statement but don't we all??
at some point no one and I mean no one is completely open and honest about all there emotions and feelings we all have these little sorta messed up defense mechanism that enable our little minds to mask the truth (or we think) from others.
BOB,
Until I read your post I didn't realize I had an on-line therapist!!! carefull when trying to psycho anaylze Chynna Doll you may end up on the couch yourself!!!
the one thing I know most definitly in this world is myself. and I am very much afraid of ME and what I am capable of on many levels good and bad. Things could indeed be better but this is my zone and this is what makes perfectly logical sense to me....besides a gyrl can't afford the price that comes with the change you speak of! if you catch my drift! therefore my detached emotions are my reality and a serious character flaw I admit...But it still doesn't change the fact that I am one,   LOL On & off line!

Chynna Doll

And PS Baby Boy
Im impressed and like your style too!

[edit]Word replaced with the word "messed" - Steph[/edit]

[Bob]

Good reply Chynna :
  And I think you may well be copeing the best way possable to you.
But even though Change is Expensive in terms of emotional and physical tolls it is
still do-able.   Change your life to how you wnat it to be , though it sounds as if you are quite happy with the way you are and that is great !
  I'm not a theropest and I'm not trying to psycoanolize you , I am just trying to help
as you say  we all have our defence mechinisums that are messed up in some way and you are not alone in that by any means ! I too am messed up in many ways, but i didn't come here to get help , i came here to help... if being here helps me then thats just iceing on the cake <grin>
  THe thing is I have known a few people with your attitude towards relationships and those people were miserable all the time ...and I don't want you to be miserable all the time so I am trying to point you to a way out of the locked in  personality trates that are keeping you the way you are ... i'm not trying to hurt you , i am trying to help you
and I realise you probly don't even want that help, because what you have works ! and its hard to do something else... I certainly don't want to Piss ya off Chynna Doll so I will leave it at that and just say that you can change if you want to but you must want to change, that is the first prerequiset.
Have a good one !
Bob......

[Chynna]

Sweetness........!! I was actually rather enjoying our "session" together!!!!

Seriously The conversation was stimulating almost in a sexual aspect..im wierd that way...And i didn't take offense to anything you said... I just come off that way...OOPS...So continue sir Im all ears! and 40% breasts!

Chynna

[Bob]

Ok Chynna ! then ,if you can list thr reasons why having your relationships so totally detached is a good thing. ok ?  that way we have some starting place
I won't ask you to list why its not a good idea , as i amagon you are fairly blinded by your success if i may put it so bluntly. though you are a very intelegant individual seeing past yourself sometimes is not so easy to do.
  I will try not to use any "bad words" as to disturb Leigh in her overseeing of this board
as I have just been warned about that ....but i am a Dimond in the ROUGH and very rough i might add <grin> so there is no garentees....
  Anyway, You may well teach me something here Chynna Doll ! because I have unlike you alwayse given my all in a relationship, and sometimes the results were devistateing as you can amagon, but try as i might to hold back , it just wasn't within my power to do so .
so believe me I Know what you are saying has its advantages ! but i feel the bad simply out weighs the good in many ways. so lets see .
Who knows a discussion about this may give others a better insight into their lives as well , so for the sake of education lets continue, its bound to be interesting indeed.
...
Bob......

[Chynna]

Fair enough....

1. I am totally honest with my partners all the time

Meaning: I don't lie or spare there feelings or bend the truth just to save there feelings. The 100% truth is what you should expect from your partner all the time that what seperates them from everyone else

2. Totally objective in regards to them

Meaning: Since my emotions for my love are detachable I have a remarkable way of stepping back and seeing that person or the point he\she is trying to make from a non emotional point of view...saves on petty arguements all the time and helps my partner know when they just might be wrong or out of line.

3. Makes me more intuned to spot BS

Meaning: if in the begining when you meet a person most people tend to become infactuated with them just because there new and exciting and that tends to make you get your feelings involved to quickly and when we meet the BS'ers (which we all know there are alot of them) this leads to us being hurt more often...I aint got that problem ...well very rarely

4. When my emotions do get involved with a person its so much more meaningfull

Meaning: when I first date an individula im fun, outgoing, affection, yadda yadda yadda but When I truly get into that person you and everyone else that I and that other person comes into contact with can see the difference and over whelming sense of emotion and feelings I have for that sole person has oppossed to everyone else...Tends to make the person im involved with more appreciative and aware that I actually do love just them

And
5. The recovery aspect.
Which i already touched upon...

Your turn Dr. BOB!   
As for a diamond in the ruff...we both seem to be that! I just sparkle a lot thats why my maker keeps polishing me!
Oh and I will list why its not a good thing to have my emotions detached in a few hours got to go do some work im a corporate gyrl ya know.

Chynna Doll

[Bob]

Hummm...
Oddly enough you said just about everything i was going to say except it sounds like you go about it slower...than I do.... which is an exelent way to go about it !
the only real big diference is the detachment part that i can see... but I too use that method when trying to understand anothers point of view. and your right it works wonderfully !
Well sense i don't have a great deal of experience in this feild, as i have been married and happily so for 33years now i think it is , its been a very long time sense I went girl hunting you see ! <grin> but i do remember those times when i did and they made an impression on me.... like how can i be so stoopid as to give that girl my entire hart and not hold back some....even a little.... but thats just not how i work ! i couldn't do it back then and if i found my self a batchler again i know i couldn't do it now eather.
Lets see....  I can count the Girl friends I've had on one hand  and that includes the one I married <grin> just wern't any reason to look any further , she's the one i was after all along !.... but in that 33 years she has tought me so much  its unbelieveable !
without a doubt she is the best thing that ever happened to me !
....but what you stated is exactly what I was going to say... so I'm setting here with no wind in my sails ! and nothing to type ! HAHAHAHHAHA

you mentioned one thing that is important ...above the other points... you mentioned that sense your emotions for love are detachable....that alows you to be objective...
This may well be the truth of the matter, but i doubt that your love is detachable, its more like your stepping outside yourself in order to see clearly.
I doubt that qualifys as detachable Love or something you can turn on or turn off.
and that statement also implys that you do LOVE... but you can still see clearly and are not blinded by it. ( I'm not so sure i can say that about myself ! <grin>)
  In your previous posts I took your statement to mean that you do not Love, you are simply detached when it comes to relationships .... and I see that is not the case which is great.
.....
  Is this what you mean Chynna ?
or am i way off here ?


Bob.......

[Chynna]

So do I get my HRT letter doc or what???LMAO

At Least I get a gold starr for being smarter than the average bear!

Anyway my emotions may be disconnected by I am intune and know them all too well...I know I am passionate, extremely affectionate and sentimental...Qualities my grand mother graced me with...but I also know I am exetremely spiteful, vindictive, and have rage and anger that makes me capable of anything...qualities which my father vested in me Being a former "Lifer" for murder in the first degree I know I share the mans rage and many of his personnality traits.

Which your probable sitting there thinking what does that have to do with true love and detached emotions.....Right
I use my detached emotions to "protect me" from that wrath, and anger so I don't make the same mistakes my father made in his life 
(OK the crying emoticon is just me being over dramatic!)

YES, I do love and Am capable of being in love......wait you do know the difference in loving a person and being in love with a person right?
and YES, in a sense my love is detachable.... because I simply LOVE myself too and when an individual loves themselves and another person and lets say that other person is self destructive or just hurtfull to me then my love for myself and my feelings for them step in to say stop...because we are just hurting each other and nothing good can come of too people who do care for each other being destructive and hatefull to each other right???

The way I look at love and relationships is simple.....
One phrase sums it up so well

"You can sleep with anyone....But how many people can you have a good conversation with and say you actually enjoyed it!!??"

I can count one one hand hows about you BOB??

Im off to pop a tylenol and drink a pot o coffee I got a flight to catch this afternoon till later BOB keep'em comin!

Wisdom @ 29
Chynna